Fight Fair

Finish Well Radio, Podcast #065, Fight FairIn “Fight Fair,” Episode #065, Meredith Curtis reveals the truth: Conflict is inevitable, but yelling, screaming, and saying things you regret is not. Meredith will teach you to argue without raising your voices, disagree without becoming enemies, work through conflict to achieve win/win, and forgive one another after the dust has settled. This biblical method found in Matthew 18, Proverbs, and James works! It can work in your household, too.

 

 

 

 

 


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Show Notes

Conflict. Every marriage has it. Every set of siblings engages in it. Conflict is a fact of life.
You won’t be able to remove conflict from your home, but you can change how conflict is handled.

Why Do We Experience Conflict in Relationships?

Proverbs 18:1: “An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels.”

James 4:1-3: “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”

We experience conflict because we struggle to resist selfishness and greed in our own hearts. Our agenda becomes more important than others’. We experience conflict because we indulge our flesh, instead of looking to Jesus.

Our only hope to avoid conflict is to surrender to Jesus.

Know When to Drop It

The most important thing to learn is to learn when to drop something before a fight ensues. Pride and anger often cause things to escalate quickly.

Proverbs 15:18 “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.”

Proverbs 17:14: “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.”

Proverbs 20:3: “It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.”

Examine some old conflicts. How did they escalate? What could have been done to stop them from escalating into a quarrel?

Disagree with Kindness & Respect

A disagreement is when two people see things from a different perspective or have different goals.

Sometimes one person is all wrong and the other is all right, but often there is fault on both sides.

Humility keeps things from becoming ugly.

Proverbs 22:10: “Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended.”

Matthew 18:15: “ If your brother or sister[ sins,[go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.”

Disagree without becoming enemies. Come with humility, asking questions.

Work Through Conflict Successfully

Keep it between the two of you.

Proverbs 26:17: “Like one who grabs a stray dog by the ears is someone who rushes into a quarrel not their own.”

Don’t involve others through gossip. Only bring in a third person if you two can’t work it out.

If children can’t work it out, that third person should be a sibling.

Win/Win. Let your motive be for the other person’s best, as well as your own.

Philippians 2:1-4: “Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

Forgive One Another

When conflict is over, forgive and move on. Jesus separates our sin as far as the east from the west.

Don’t get historical.

Matthew 18:21-35 Parable of the Unmerciful Servant

Cancel debts.

Resources to Grow in Christ for Everyone

Fight Fair

Lessons From the Road – Families: Does Size Matter?

Families: Does Size Matter? Lessons From the Road with The Real Kathy LeeI had such a great time speaking at the Midwest Great Homeschool Convention in Cincinnati, Ohio! I met so many moms and dads who all desire to love and teach their kids well. This weekend, I heard a lot of moms share how overwhelmed they were and how they were struggling at home. This combined with some recent conversations about family size and kids growing up feeling left out and overlooked made me start thinking about family size. Is there a perfect number of kids? Is there a family size that is easiest to manage? Does a small family size guarantee each child will have a quality childhood? Are we all called to raise 12 + arrows? Lots of things were running through my mind. When my dear friend, Christy Montes showed up for coffee and catch up we started talking about my weekend in Cincinnati and recent thoughts. I decided that maybe some of you had been thinking about these things too, so I grabbed my microphone and hit record.

Honestly, Christy and I have no idea how many children are best for your family. However, we have been involved with lots of families for many years and have experience and witnessed some things that we thought we should share to help you as you talk openly about this subject. Let us know what you thought about this episode. HUGS from home (where I get to stay for several weeks)!!! 

Blessings!

ps- Did you hear that I am turning 50 this year?? To celebrate, I am inviting ten moms from across the country to spend the weekend at my house in August. My goal is for you to sit by the pool, relax and have great conversation with other moms. My bestie, Christy will be hanging out with us too! If you want to take the final spot, shoot me an email or message on social media and tell me why you want to be chosen!! Good luck!

Say YES and have a great week!!!

Thanks for listening. If you have topics you would like for me to discuss or people you would like to hear from, let me know. Just email me at kathy@thehomegrownpreschooler.com or shoot me a message on social media.

 


We’d like to thank our Ultimate Homeschool Radio Network sponsor, Like Arrows!

FamilyLife’s first feature film LIKE ARROWS, explores the joys and heartaches of parenting with a story that spans over 50 years. Join us in theaters across America for a special 2 night showing of LIKE ARROWS followed by exclusive after-show content with the film-makers, including celebrated faith-based film-makers Alex and Stephen Kendrick as well as FamilyLife Today’s Dennis and Barbara Rainey and Bob Lepine. You’ll leave encouraged and equipped with powerful next steps to make Christ the center of YOUR parenting.

LIKE ARROWS will be in theaters for two nights only, MAY 1ST and 3RD. To view the trailer and find theater info, visit the link below. If you missed the movie in theatres be sure to check out the Digital, DVD and Blueray versions on the website, LikeArrowsMovie.com

Visit here to learn more.


Finish Well Homeschooling High School Conference

This two day conference has something for every member of your family. There are main sessions and workshops which are prayerfully chosen to assist parents in homeschooling and parenting. This includes dealing with rebellion, mentoring your teen, making transcripts, creating classes, and going to college debt-free. Some sessions are just for teens. These sessions address issues of importance such as getting along with parents, purity, college success, friendship, and growing in your relationship with Christ. We even have sessions designed especially for our younger guests, ages 5-12.

“Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize?
Run in such a way that you may win.”  I Corinthians 9:24

Finish Well Radio – Mothers and Sons

There is something so wonderful about holding your brand new precious baby boy, but they don’t stay babies for long. That’s when the adventure begins! Join us to hear Meredith and her son Jimmy talk about how the teen years changed their relationship. Meredith & Jimmy will share how they navigated through relationship valleys and mountains and learned to get along.

FW Radio – Families Can Finish Well

fw_023_familiesfinishwell_smIt doesn’t matter where you’ve been or what has gone before. If you had a great start, keep it up! If you had a rough one, remember the Lord can do a new thing! It is never too late for families to finish well. Teens are part of families. Their own families and families in the future. Hear from teens and young adults who have made a difference in their families and have plans for their future families.

 

 

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