Strengthening Marital Bonds ~ Episode 488

No one ever said marriage was easy, but strengthening your marital bonds is so worth it! In this episode, Felice shares tips for those who are struggling as well as those who want to make their marriage stronger.

Visit MediaAngels.com and check out the book, “One More Child” available in print or digital.

Listen to this past episode Loving Your Spouse, here.

There is a war out there, and the enemy is rampant, trying to destroy marriages. Even if you are not a Christian, you know there is a way against the sanctity of marriage and life in general. Good marriages are the very fabric of a moral society. It makes a people, a nation strong, which is why there is such an attack on marriage. I believe God ordains that marriage, and we should include Him in our marriage. I heard a talk recently that said, …Marrying someone is an incredibly important thing…Who you choose to be your spouse in so many ways impacts the trajectory of your life. And it determines the trajectory of your family’s life. For good and for ill – it is hard to look back and recognize that hindsight is 20/20. This is true, but we don’t have to give into the culture or our times; we can walk in the assurance that (if you are a Christian) God is there for us, and He can walk with us every step of the way. While I could say so much more about this, I want to give you practical tips on working around every day interruptions and ways to make an action plan to get your marriage back on track or stronger each day.

My husband and I are opposite in many ways, but we are the same in the ways that count, faith and family. We know without a shadow of a doubt that we will never get divorced and will work through our issues as they arise. These are things you don’t read in the checklists online or the ideas on rekindling the romance, great date night ideas, or ways to make your marriage work when you fall on hard times. The idea is the same in all of these lists; the resounding theme is to be present for your spouse and show them that you care about their thoughts. No one’s opinion should matter to you as much as your spouse’s. While this may seem simplistic, it is as important as good communication.

(Personal message on the podcast, not in the show notes.)

My husband and I have been a mentor couple for engaged couples seeking marriage at our church. It has been an eye-opener. Our job is to point them toward a Christian marriage and relationship that centers on God, and the program we use depends on each person’s character. Truthfully, the biggest part of our mentorship is talking to the couples and discussing what we wish we had known before getting married. Truthfully, we were probably told some of these things before we were married, but no one sat us down and said, “Let’s get real about marriage.”

The movies are full of happily ever after, and our eyes and hearts want to believe that will be our story until reality hits in the form of a child. For some of you, the reality may have hit before you had your first child, but most of us are not prepared. I know I wasn’t, even though my husband and I had parents who were examples of faithfulness and Christian love for each other. Still, we had to learn our own way and the best method.

And that is the theme of this podcast, learning your own way through your relationship with your spouse and strengthening those marital bonds. Start with a plan. I know it sounds unromantic, but we have plans for everything. Why not an analysis of your marriage and ways to improve it? The best way to begin is by analyzing what has worked and does not work in your current relationship.

Questions For Strengthening Your Marital Bonds

1. What do I like the best about my marriage? Make a list.
2. How can you keep nurturing the things that work in your marriage?
3. What is not working and why? (Volunteering too much? Running kids to too many activities? Etc.)
4. How can you work on the areas that are not working?

Talk – the only way to strengthen your marital bonds is to have a date, even if it is time when the kids are in bed, and you are behind closed doors in your bedroom with your beverage of choice. Use the list above, or please, create your own and ask each other these questions. Maybe your spouse will be like mine and cross out the questions and write in their own!

Tips For Good Marriages:

1. Say, “I love you,” often, especially when signing off on the phone.
2. Be present for each other.
3. Look into your spouse’s eyes when you are talking to each other.
4. When your spouse tries to kiss you, quit trying to get away!
5. Don’t expect a balanced marriage; it is 100% all of the time.
6. Be kind to each other.
7. Listen when the other spouse talks, and don’t interrupt.
8. Expect the best from each other.
9. Make the most of your time together.
10. Forgive.

If we love each other, we want what is best for each other—doing the little things each day helps. Putting up sticky notes with hearts or texting is wonderful. My husband texts me and asks if his girlfriend wants to go to dinner. I have to remind myself to say yes!  (Talk about filling my husband’s plate and kids being annoyed; caring for each other with those little things works!

Let me end with two things. One is that if you are in a physically or emotionally harmful marriage, get help. Now. There are things we put up with as spouses, but abuse needs help. The second is that be assured I will pray for you and your spouse and that your marriage is strengthened today and always!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Google Podcasts | Spotify | Android | Stitcher | TuneIn | RSS | More

Building Relationships With Kids – Episode 487

As our children grow older, building relationships with kids may be the last thing on your list. Is this a good thing for your family or for your child’s future family? In this podcast, Felice Gerwitz delves into building blocks important for any good relationship.

Visit MediaAngels.com for books geared toward building relationships with kids. You will find the ebook Secret Code Time to learn how to create an unbreakable bond between parent and child. Other books include One More Child and A Few Minutes with God and curricula designed for homeschooled families.

As parents, we have an idea of how we want our family to look and act, yet reaching this goal can be challenging. First, we factor in the parenting styles of a mom and a dad. We add our children’s different personalities and multiply this number by the number of children we have, which can equal broken relationships and strained marriages. This does not need to happen, and the simple first line of defense is a united front between mom and dad.

Long ago, I read a parenting book. One of the points in this book taught that when a child is at ease and reassured that his parents love each other and get along, they are easier to put to bed. The rationalization was that if a child is upset by constant bickering, a child is unsure, and getting up often reassured the child that all was okay. This might not work in every case, but the kids listened better when my husband and I spent time (just the two of us) on the couch for about five minutes after he arrived home from work. Coincidence? I don’t think so. Kids want to be reassured, and having parents that get along is part of that equation. In the next podcast, I address relationships with our spouses.

Relationships take two people, and they take people who care about each other. In a family, we take each other for granted in a way that we would not act with strangers. It may be because we see each other daily, and if you homeschool, that means 24/7 am I right? The saying familiarity breeds contempt should not be taken literally!

We have a chance each and every day to have a “do-over,” a chance to build a lasting relationship with our children, and an unbreakable bond, and it begins with caring. How do we do this?

Well, it begins with mom. I attended a parenting course and was told I had to get my act together before working on my children’s attitudes. This did not sit well with me. I paid money to be told to fix myself first. Well, the good news is this podcast is free, and while I will not be harsh, I will say that I found when I lost my temper or was upset, the entire family was upset as well.

A mom is a special force in a home, and we often put ourselves last, rightly so, as many of our children are little and need us. But we must remember to fill up, and there are quick ways to do this. Take time to pray first thing in the morning, even if it is something like, “Jesus, help me and be with me today.” Make sure you have some downtime after lunch, the kids can do a quiet activity, and you can use that time to do something fun, whatever that is! Stay off social media unless it picks you up instead of bringing you down! It is often a downer for me, so I stay off of it unless I have the time to refocus after I get off! Be sure you have a friend or a confidant (your spouse) to share your ups and downs with; that helps!

Building Relationships with Kids:

But building relationships with kids begins with taking the time at some point to listen without judgment or recrimination and allowing the children to understand that mom or dad is a safe place to come and a listening ear. We can’t always do this, especially in the midst of our daily lives, so it is important to spend time with each of our children at least once a week. This is doable. You can go someplace (park, fast food for a milkshake or something to drink, or even the backyard if the other children know their turn will come and can not interrupt). Use this time to do the following:

1. Establish this is a time for mom and child – that is it. It is a special time. Explain that you are always there for them and want them to understand this is a safe time to talk without getting into trouble or a lecture. *There is time later to discuss the issue. I’ll explain that in a minute.
2. This is a time to discuss something on the child’s mind, a concern, or just to chat. (What is the favorite thing you did this week?)
3. Mom listens and encourages but tries to allow the child to talk. You can sit silently and enjoy the quiet if the child is not forthcoming.
4. You can set up a special word that indicates that the child wants to talk to you about something important.
5. Make this a routine, and keep this time as a child-parent date.

This is loosely based on the book I published by Sky McNeill and Paula Stevenson called Secret Code Time. I was taken by the author and her daughter and their relationship. I was having difficulty with one of my children, and he didn’t seem to want to tell me anything. I was concerned that as he grew older, he would not turn to me first with a problem or need but to others. This method allowed all my children to understand I was always there for them! I know that seems incredible because our children should understand we are there for them, but they see us as a disciplinary force at times over anything else.

Let me ask you when the last time your child came to you to snuggle or give you a hug was. If you have a large family, it becomes overwhelming if everyone does this at once, but at least sometimes, right? Maybe when they went off to bed, our routine was prayers and a blessing from mom and dad with a hug. Our children need to feel cared for and special. This is our time to pour our love into their lives, and sometimes we feel overwhelmed.

The idea is that we create a relationship with our children that they know is safe. Does this mean there is never any discipline involved? Let’s say our special time is filled with situations we want to correct or discipline immediately. What should you do? Explain to the child that this time is just for you to listen but that you will pray about what to do with the situation. If it is serious, you may need to correct this behavior. For example, you are visiting websites that are off-limits. One thing to get to is the root cause, how did this happen (unsupervised time online?), and place some safeguards in place.

You can also pray with your child and explain that you care about them and their well-being. A friend of mine shared her son had fallen into a bad habit online and told her he wished he had never seen the first picture because the lure was almost impossible to avoid. She prayed with her son and explained she was happy he came to her, and she immediately set about safeguards on her computer and wifi so that this situation could be avoided. My children took dual enrollment classes, and I had their phone’s password protected for internet access. My son had to call me to get my code so he could access a website for research in class, and when he got home, I put another code on his phone with a few fewer class restrictions. Keeping a computer in a common area also helps. The point here is that the mother did not get upset outwardly anyway, assuring her child she was proud that he came to her with this issue.

Truly that is the best we can ask for as parents that our kids come to us with problems or concerns. We don’t always need to be rash when we discipline. We can stop thinking and praying!

Depending on your child’s age, you begin small. Telling your child you are there for them, but also what you expect, goes a long way toward building a lasting relationship. Being available for them as well. When I was in the midst of homeschooling my children, I was with them from the moment they woke up until bedtime. At night I was drained. That was my time to relax in a hot tub, and my husband took over hanging out in their rooms and talking to the kids. This was their time to build relationships. It doesn’t need to be a long, drawn-out process.

Our children need to know we love them, care about them, and will always be there for them.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Google Podcasts | Spotify | Android | Stitcher | TuneIn | RSS | More

Homeschool Pitfalls and Help ~ Episode 486

Homeschooling is the right choice, but how do you avoid the homeschool pitfalls that will sabotage your success? In this podcast, veteran homeschool mom Felice Gerwitz shares her thirty-two years of experience with you!

Visit the Media Angels website for books, and bundles, especially the self-paced set, “How-to-Homeschool Blueprint.”

Did you know that I was hesitant to try homeschooling? When I heard a friend mention her hopes of homeschooling, I talked her out of it! This friend was overwhelmed with her four children, didn’t have a set bedtime, and walked around sleep deprived. I explained that homeschooling took some discipline and that having a parent who was awake and attentive was important! When I began homeschooling some time after, this friend was upset with me! And, rightly so.

Your decision to homeschool should be your own, and being persuaded by someone, even someone well-meaning, is not a good thing!

Today homeschooling is the best option for your children. You know the state of the school system. It was bad in the past; today, it is worse. Parental rights are called into question. What the heck is going on in our world?

When I began homeschooling my son while my daughter was in preschool, I looked at it as a way to help my struggling learner. It was a short-term goal. In other words, I was “trying” homeschooling without thinking of making it past six months. This was in 1986-87, and I never looked back. It became a lifestyle for us, and I built relationships with my children that are strong to this day, even as they are adults.

One of the fallacies is making your homeschool ideal or identical to the public or private school. Having said this, there is always an exception to the rule. My sister-in-law homeschooled her two grandkids for a year using the same books as the school because they planned on reintegrating the children into the school system. In this case, it was a good idea, and she was not only highly successful, but she was also able to raise their test scores with the one-on-one attention she gave the girls.

It is not fun; all fun and games. A good friend of mine used to say homeschooling is not fun, yet she homeschooled her boys K-12, and they not only learned several foreign languages but were proficient in fencing. How is that not fun?

I am going to go through a list of pitfalls in two parts. The first deals with hearsay about homeschooling, and the second is in regard to the act of homeschooling. Please join our Facebook group if you have questions about homeschooling or want to connect. Homeschool Podcast Network Family

Homeschool Pitfalls – Combatting the Lies:

1. You do not have enough time.
2. You don’t have an education degree.
3. You work full-time.
4. It is too restrictive.
5. You have to recreate the school at home (use all the same books)
6. Your kids won’t get into a good college.
7. You won’t have time for yourself, and you won’t have a break from your kids.
8. People who homeschool are strange.
9. Your home is too small, and there is no room.
10. You don’t have money to homeschool.

Homeschool Pitfalls — Challenges

1. Lack of vision or goal
2. Lack of organization
3. Unruly children
4. No routine
5. Failure to check the schoolwork
6. Uncompleted assignments
7. Unsocialized kids
8. Unable to play sports
9. Lack of knowledge (parent)
10. Unable to teach

Homeschooling is what you make it. If your children are unruly, the focus needs to be getting the kids under control. Teaching cause and effect is amazingly successful. I have several podcasts in a collection I call “Just For Kids” (search for that term, and you will find them). These are geared toward children, and they are highly effective.

Kids want to be heard and appreciated, just like us! Listen to their needs and focus on the entire child, not just academics. I know you can do it, and don’t forget to join our Facebook group – Homeschool Podcast Network Family on Facebook or share your concerns in this post on the website.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Google Podcasts | Spotify | Android | Stitcher | TuneIn | RSS | More