Being Present To Your Family

Being Present To Your Family – Episode 429

When you talk to your kids do they hear you? What does being present mean, and how can you be present to your spouse and your kids in a way that impacts your relationship (in a good way). Join me for this discussion on the importance of listening and hearing what people are really saying.

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What does it mean to be present? Think about this and if you can turn off this recording to take a moment to write down your thoughts do so now. Well, what did you say? As usual, I wish I was in a room or even across a table sipping an herbal tea and hearing your response. Being present (to me) means being totally focused on the person speaking. No distractions. No dinging from the phone that you just have to look at. Nothing but the person talking to you during that time matters. Does this sound like fiction? Maybe, but in the world in which we live we are pulled in so many different directions there is no time to make those lasting connections with friends…never mind family!

I had a family member who was the most outgoing and jovial person in the world around friends. When this person was in a room with people not related to them they would light up, and be so personable and attentive. When around family the opposite was the result, the person was sullen and critical. Why is it that we hurt those we love the most? We can say that we don’t want them making mistakes and they need to be corrected, and for each family the answer will be different.

I want the best relations I can get with my kids and being present is just one way to do this. Being present means keeping promises and not making promises I can’t keep. Being present means putting down or turning away from whatever I was doing when one of my children needs me. Being present means that nothing else is as important as that person. If you want to see a change in your relationship with your kids, well, watch out! Being present means all of these things and then some!

How do you introduce the topic of being present to your family? A good place to start is a family meeting and if you don’t have family meetings it may be a good time to begin. Family meetings are when the entire family (without digital devices – pen and paper are fine) gather around the table and talk about a list of concerns. Normally the parents are in charge of the topics, but the kids can add input if they do it ahead of time. Of course, use any method you want, but this has worked for us in the past. When my dad was alive – he lived with us the last 12 years of his life, he would join our family meetings and complain about things that bothered him. (Share the salt shaker situation.) I tell you this to show you that what we consider important (case in point with my dad) others may consider funny – or insignificant! But a family meeting is a great way to introduce the topic of being truly engaged in conversation with each other.

Ground Rules For Being Present:

Don’t abuse the privilege.
No negative body language.
Stay focused.
Ignore interruptions.
Set a time limit.

What are your ground rules? These may change but then it depends on your family! Please let me know if this does improve your family relationships. I realize it isn’t always possible especially in larger families and one child or another may take up more time – which is why number one is so important. You can encourage your children to do this with each other, and it can teach them great skills for the future. Our homeschool lives change and as the children get older the demands seem to lessen in some ways and increase in others. Being present is the most important thing you can do, with your family as well as in your prayer life.