We want our kids to be kind, helpful, and cooperative. But we also want them to be able to say no when someone pressures them to do something that isn’t in their best interest.

That can be especially difficult for conscientious kids—the ones who want to be good friends, avoid disappointing people, and keep everyone happy.

So how do we teach our kids to set healthy boundaries without encouraging them to be selfish, rude, or unkind?

In this episode of The Homeschool Sanity Show, I share three practical ways to help your child develop healthy boundaries. We’ll talk about why some kids have such a hard time saying no, how other people can take advantage of that tendency, and what we can do now to prepare our kids for situations they’ll face as teens and adults.

You’ll also learn a simple strategy that can make saying no much easier for kids who tend to agree to things too quickly—and what your child needs from you after they’ve enforced a boundary.

These are skills our kids will use in friendships, dating relationships, college, work, and family life for years to come.

In This Episode

You’ll discover:

• • Why being the “nice” or “responsible” kid can sometimes make boundaries harder

• • How to help kids recognize when someone is pressuring or manipulating them

• • Why kids don’t always need to answer a request right away

• • How to help your child become more comfortable saying no

• • One important thing parents can do after a child sets a boundary

Watch on YouTube

Help Your Child Practice Healthy Boundaries

Knowing what a healthy boundary looks like is one thing. Practicing it before your child is in a difficult situation is even better.

Training Aliens is my story-based social and emotional skills curriculum designed to help kids practice skills like healthy boundaries through stories, discussion, role plays, challenges, games, and more.

Your kids will meet an alien at Space Camp who struggles with boundaries, consider how the other characters should respond, and practice the skill themselves. Training Aliens is available in both faith-based and secular versions and includes a video course, too.

Download a free Training Aliens sample here: https://funtolearnbooks.com/product/training-aliens-level-1-kit/

What About You?

Is saying no difficult for you or one of your kids? Share your experience in the comments.

And be sure to subscribe to The Homeschool Sanity Show for more practical strategies for raising competent, capable kids.

Other Episodes You May Like

How to Establish and Defend Time Boundaries

Conflict Resolution Skills You Must Teach Part 1

Conflict Resolution Skills You Must Teach Part 2

Want your child to make more friends this year—but aren’t sure how to help?

Friendships are important for kids’ happiness and well-being, but making friends doesn’t always happen automatically, especially for homeschoolers. Simply putting kids around other kids isn’t necessarily enough.

In this episode, I share a simple three-step strategy for helping your child develop meaningful friendships. And surprisingly, it has a lot in common with shopping at a rummage sale!

You’ll learn:

• How to help your child recognize a good friendship fit • Why having time for friendship matters • The importance of shared interests and compatible values • Where homeschoolers can find good opportunities for friendship • Why large groups don’t always lead to closer relationships • The three ingredients that help acquaintances become friends • Social skills your child may need to be explicitly taught • How curiosity and good questions can help kids connect • What to notice when friendship interest isn’t reciprocal

Help Your Child Build Social & Emotional Skills

Kids need more than conversation skills to build lasting friendships. They also need practice with teamwork, good sportsmanship, handling frustration, resolving conflict, apologizing, setting boundaries, and responding when someone else behaves poorly.

That’s why I created Training Aliens, my story-based social and emotional skills curriculum for elementary students.

Each lesson uses a funny story, choose-your-own-adventure decisions, realistic consequences, discussion, games, challenges, STEM activities, and more to help kids practice important social and emotional skills.

Both faith-based and secular teacher’s guides are available.

👉 Download a FREE Training Aliens sample: https://funtolearnbooks.com/product/training-aliens-level-1-kit/

If helping your child make more friends is one of your goals this year, remember the rummage-sale strategy: know what you’re looking for, go where real friendships can develop, and teach your child the skills to turn an acquaintance into a friend.

💬 What have you found works well for helping your child make friends? Share your ideas in the comments.

Other episodes to Check Out

Homeschool Mom Friendships

Hospitality Lies That Keep Us Lonely

Raising Confident Kids Through Homeschool Theater

👍 If this episode was helpful, subscribe to The Homeschool Sanity Show.

Watch on YouTube

Homeschooling Strong-willed Children

Strategies for Homeschooling Smart Kids

How to Motivate Reluctant Learners

Does homeschooling your strong-willed child sometimes feel like negotiating with a used-car salesman? You have a plan, but your child definitely has ideas of their own!

In this episode of The Homeschool Sanity Show, Dr. Melanie Wilson shares what she learned about parenting strong-willed kids while watching her son negotiate the purchase of his first used car.

You’ll discover:

• • Why caring more than your child can put you at a disadvantage

• • How pride and fear can make homeschool conflicts worse

• • Why too many rules and consequences invite pushback

• • How unnecessary schoolwork can become a battleground

• • Why time pressure often backfires with strong-willed kids

• • What your child may really be asking for when they resist

• • How love, approval, and reasonable boundaries can help you reach a deal you’re both happy with

Strong-willed kids can be challenging to homeschool, but their determination can also become a strength. Instead of trying to win every battle, learn how to negotiate wisely, reconsider rules that don’t serve your family, and help your child develop the skills to advocate for themselves respectfully.

Resources Mentioned

Grammar Galaxy Story-based language arts without unnecessary busy work. Take it for a test drive with a free sample: http://funtolearnbooks.com/samples

FastGrammar A story-based approach to grammar for older students: https://funtolearnbooks.com/product/fast-grammar-high-school-training-bundle/

Training Aliens A fun, story-based social and emotional skills curriculum for K–8 students that teaches skills including boundaries, conflict resolution, and respect for authority: https://funtolearnbooks.com/product/training-aliens-level-1-kit/

Goldilocks Discipline Get more help parenting and homeschooling strong-willed kids: https://funtolearnbooks.com/product/goldilocks-discipline/

💬 Are you having trouble making a deal with your homeschooler? Share your deal breaker in the comments!

Homeschooling Strong-willed Children

Strategies for Homeschooling Smart Kids

How to Motivate Reluctant Learners

Are your students more like the tortoise or the hare when it comes to learning English? Some homeschoolers find that grammar, writing, spelling, vocabulary, and literature take so long that it feels like they just can’t win. Others find that their kids breeze through English lessons so quickly that they may not be accomplishing the goal of being competent readers and writers.

Fortunately, learning English doesn’t have to take all day. In fact, there’s a way to teach it that’s so enjoyable that you and your kids will want to do it.  As a former homeschool mom of six who also taught English to her friends’ kids, I’m going to get you on the fast track to English teaching success. Ready? Let’s go!

Watch on YouTube

#1 Use Stories

The first step to teaching English quickly and effectively is to use stories. In fact, if all you do is read your kids a story every day, you’re making progress in all the language arts. Stories are one of the best ways to teach vocabulary—which also happens to be the best predictor of academic achievement and life success. Using stories that include advanced vocabulary words like those in Grammar Galaxy will give your kids exposure to the words. Exposure to the words is more effective for building vocabulary than having kids write out definitions—something most students don’t like doing.

In addition to vocabulary, stories teach grammar through exposure. Although some grammar has to be explicitly taught, other grammar is mastered through listening to it used correctly in conversation and story.

Stories can be used to teach literary concepts of course, but they also help students become better writers. Most writers were voracious readers in childhood. They learned how to use the English language to express themselves by reading their favorite authors.

The added benefit of using stories to teach is that they are memorable. A lecture or nonfiction paragraph is forgettable. But stories stick with us and beg to be shared. That’s why I wrote Grammar Galaxy—to use story to teach language arts concepts.

Ask many adults what a prefix is and they won’t know. But in Grammar Galaxy, Prefix is an evil programmer who introduces the re- virus into the galaxy’s computer system. As a result, movies keep rewinding and people keep repeating themselves. Students are guardians of the galaxy who correct the chaos Prefix and his Gremlin accomplice caused. If you’d like to try a free sample of Grammar Galaxy, click here.

#2 Skip spelling and vocabulary busywork

If you’re using story to teach English, you’ve already come a long way. But now let’s take a shortcut. When I first started homeschooling, I thought I needed a separate spelling curriculum—one that presents new lists of words to be memorized. As I tried one curriculum after another like this, I noticed something. My kids already seemed to know most of the words in each list. And those they didn’t either weren’t that difficult to spell, or they weren’t words they used often.

While dyslexic students’ spelling can benefit from focused work on phonics, most students can focus on learning only the words they are misspelling in their own writing. Then they can choose a mnemonic or memory tool that makes remembering easiest. For example, students may find it helpful to remember that piece meaning part is spelled p-i-e-c-e by noting the word pie at the beginning. They can embellish this further with a saying like: “The waitress put a piece of pie in front of Ce.” In Grammar Galaxy, students focus on learning to spell the most commonly misspelled words. They also choose and create a mnemonic that helps them remember them.

I found the same shortcut worked with vocabulary. I didn’t need a separate vocabulary curriculum, but it did make sense to review Greek and Latin word roots that form the basis of so many English words. I added many of these to the vocabulary unit of Grammar Galaxy. As homeschoolers, we save teaching time by not doing spelling or vocabulary busywork.

#3 Encourage kids to write faster with milestones, friends, and encouragement

Writing is like the last leg of the race. It feels like the hardest part, but that’s mostly psychological.

Florence Chadwick attempted to swim 21 miles from Catalina Island to the California coast in thick fog. She stopped after almost 16 hours of swimming only to discover she was less than a mile away from shore. If she had known, she would have dug deep and finished. How can we use her experience to help our reluctant or slow writers?

The most important thing we can do is break up the long writing process into smaller milestones. Swimming 21 miles must have felt impossibly hard. “Write an essay” can feel like a slog for our students too. So instead of, “Write an essay,” we can say, “write your three main points.”  Instead of write a paragraph, we can say, “write the topic sentence.” Shorter sprints completed regularly help students build skills more effectively than a writing marathon.

The next thing we can do to make our writing lessons take less time is have students write with others. If Florence had been trying to beat another swimmer who was still swimming, I think she would have gone the distance. Giving a student an independent writing assignment that doesn’t have to be shared is not as motivating as participating in a class. Having my kids share their writing in our home-based co-op with friends helped them write better and faster. But writing and sharing with family members also helped—especially when we had a funniest writing competition that I participated in and Dad judged.

Finally, we can speed our young writers along by cheering them through to the finish line. If we are alongside them, focusing on when they should have started, and what they could have done better, they will be tempted to quit. Applaud the effort and content first to help them finish writing faster.  Only then can we choose one or two things that we’d like them to improve in the next writing assignment.

Students don’t have to be either the tortoise or the hare when it comes to learning English. They can be guardians of Grammar Galaxy who quickly defeat the Gremlin and master language arts. Download a sample from the link here.

Have other ideas for quickly and effectively teaching English? Comment to share them.

Other episodes on teaching language arts

Why Charlotte Mason Would Love Grammar Galaxy

Why You Shouldn’t Worry About Your Child’s Writing

How to Edit Your Child’s Writing

Have a happy homeschool week!

In This Episode

• • Why your child’s goals matter more than your goals

• • How “busy work” can destroy motivation

• • Why bright kids need meaningful challenges

• • The hidden cost of constant correction

• • How self-control becomes exhausted—and how to restore it

• • Simple strategies you can use right away to help your child start trying again

Free Resources

⭐ Free Grammar Galaxy Sample Discover story-based language arts that turns reluctant learners into enthusiastic readers and writers.

⭐ Free Training Aliens Lesson Help your child build self-control, communication, and other essential social-emotional skills through engaging stories.

👉 Find both free resources here: https://funtolearnbooks.com

More Episodes Like This

Reluctant Learners: How to Motivate Them

Helping Students Take Initiative

Homeschooling Smart Kids

Subscribe

If this episode encouraged you, be sure to:

• • 👍 Like the video

• • 💬 Leave a comment: Which of these five reasons do you think best explains your child’s lack of motivation?

• • 🔔 Subscribe for practical homeschooling advice, motivation strategies, and curriculum tips every week.

Connect with Me

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Have a happy homeschool week!

Have a bright child who suddenly refuses to do schoolwork? You’re not alone. In this episode, I share the surprising reasons intelligent, capable students stop trying—and why the problem usually isn’t laziness.

After homeschooling six graduates and researching motivation, I discovered five hidden causes that can keep bright kids from giving their best. More importantly, you’ll learn practical ways to help your child rediscover their love of learning.

In This Episode

• • Why your child’s goals matter more than your goals

• • How “busy work” can destroy motivation

• • Why bright kids need meaningful challenges

• • The hidden cost of constant correction

• • How self-control becomes exhausted—and how to restore it

• • Simple strategies you can use right away to help your child start trying again

Free Resources

⭐ Free Grammar Galaxy Sample Discover story-based language arts that turns reluctant learners into enthusiastic readers and writers.

⭐ Free Training Aliens Lesson Help your child build self-control, communication, and other essential social-emotional skills through engaging stories.

👉 Find both free resources here: https://funtolearnbooks.com

More Episodes Like This

Reluctant Learners: How to Motivate Them

Helping Students Take Initiative

Homeschooling Smart Kids

Subscribe

If this episode encouraged you, be sure to:

• • 👍 Like the video

• • 💬 Leave a comment: Which of these five reasons do you think best explains your child’s lack of motivation?

• • 🔔 Subscribe for practical homeschooling advice, motivation strategies, and curriculum tips every week.

Connect with Me

Facebook

Instagram

Have a happy homeschool week!

If your student isn’t a fan of English, reading, writing, or grammar, you’re not alone.

When I homeschooled my six children, one of them actually offered to pay me not to teach English! I thought I knew why they disliked language arts—but I was wrong.

After researching curriculum, language development, and motivation, I discovered five hidden reasons kids resist English. Those discoveries eventually led me to create Grammar Galaxy, a story-based language arts curriculum that has helped thousands of reluctant learners enjoy English.

In this episode, I’m sharing those five surprising reasons—and practical ways you can help your own student.

In This Episode

You’ll learn:

• • Why traditional English curriculum feels repetitive

• • How story makes grammar meaningful and memorable

• • The developmental reason grammar can seem confusing

• • Why fun isn’t optional when it comes to learning

• • The hidden skill that affects both English and math success

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The 5 Hidden Reasons Kids Hate English

1. English Is Too Repetitive

Traditional language arts curricula repeat many of the same concepts year after year.

For example, students often study parts of speech every year from elementary school through high school, even though much of the material has already been covered.

Instead of constant repetition, I recommend a mastery approach, where students learn concepts once and then build on them with increasingly advanced applications.

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2. English Doesn’t Feel Relevant

Many grammar exercises ask students to identify parts of speech in random, disconnected sentences.

Children naturally remember information better when it’s part of a meaningful story.

That’s why Grammar Galaxy teaches grammar through an ongoing adventure in which students help save the English language from a mischievous gremlin. Story transforms grammar from an abstract exercise into something memorable and engaging.

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3. Grammar Requires Abstract Thinking

Grammar asks students to think abstractly about language—something many children aren’t developmentally ready to do until middle school.

Kids aren’t just remembering:

• • letter sounds

• • word meanings

• • vocabulary

They’re also learning to identify the different jobs words perform in a sentence.

Introducing grammar gently—and without making children feel like they’re failing—helps preserve their confidence until they’re ready to use these concepts more naturally.

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4. English Isn’t Fun

Learning sticks when it’s enjoyable.

Humor, stories, games, and active learning all increase engagement and help students remember what they’ve learned.

Some student favorites in Grammar Galaxy include:

• • humorous stories

• • synonym and antonym mix-ups

• • active games

• • comedy writing

Learning doesn’t have to be boring to be effective.

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5. English Feels Too Hard

One of the biggest surprises in my homeschool was discovering that my children’s biggest obstacle wasn’t grammar at all.

It was handwriting speed.

Because they wrote so slowly, they often forgot what they wanted to say before they could finish writing it down. That frustration affected writing and even math assignments.

Some simple solutions include:

• • handwriting speed drills

• • dictation exercises

• • allowing children to dictate responses before handwriting becomes automatic

Children are far more motivated when work feels challenging—but achievable.

One simple trick is to begin with material that’s easier than you think they need. Early success builds confidence and encourages continued learning.

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Resources Mentioned

📖 Free Grammar Galaxy Samples

Try Grammar Galaxy with your reluctant learner:

https://funtolearnbooks.com/samples

📚 Grammar Galaxy Placement Test

Find the best starting level for your child:

Placement Test

📝 Grammar Concepts by Level

See what is taught in each volume:

Scope and Sequence

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Have a Question?

I’d love to hear from you!

Leave a comment below and let me know:

What does your child dislike most about English?

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Watch the episode on YouTube:

https://youtu.be/Gfz-tA8IP6A?si=daUQpRGZqfu8yaf5

Subscribe to the Homeschool Sanity Show

If this episode encouraged you, be sure to subscribe so you never miss practical, research-based homeschooling encouragement.

Until next time…

Have a happy homeschool week!

Hey homeschoolers!

As beginning homeschoolers, we tend to be way more focused on our homeschool space and curriculum then we are on relationships. But just as engaged couples should be focused more on the marriage then the wedding, we have to be intentional about developing our relationships. That’s what I will cover in this episode of the Homeschool Sanity Show.

Before I do, however, I want to tell you about The Organized Homeschool Life book and planner. I had good intentions of spending time with God, my husband, and my children one-on-one. But it was amazing how quickly my daily responsibilities got in the way of that. I still face temptations to make other things a priority. That’s why I added space for my time with God and my relationships on the daily page of The Organized Homeschool Life Planner. We make note of what God is saying to us in His Word each day–something that is so important at this time. Then we choose a person or a character quality we want to focus on throughout the day. Keeping relationships in focus is one reason you will come to look forward to your daily planning time. You’ll know that your life and homeschooling are in balance. Try a free sample of The Organized Homeschool Life book and planner at psychowith6.com/tohlplanner.

When it comes to keeping relationships a priority, there are five relationships that are deserving of special attention: God, spouse, children, extended family, and friends.

#1 Relationship with God

The first relationship we have that has to be a priority is our relationship with God. I could not do any of the things I do without the Holy Spirit strengthening and renewing me. I need God’s word each and every day. That’s because I hear other words that run counter to His in abundance. I hear them from the news, the radio, and social media. I even hear them from well-meaning people I talk with. I quickly become confused about what truth is.

As our students need drills on math facts, we need drills on God’s word so we achieve mastery. Reading directly from the Bible each day, even a single page, will be a layer of protection for our vulnerable minds. Audio Bibles are wonderful for busy moms. We can listen while we walk, fold laundry, or cook. Devotionals are another way of reflecting on God’s word that can be enjoyable for us as homeschooling moms. Listening to worship music can also keep us meditating on His word. I have been successful in memorizing God’s word with my kids by using the app MEMLOK just five minutes a day.

Prayer is a vital part of our relationship with God. Rather than turning to others first with a concern, we can train ourselves to go to God. I enjoy writing out prayers each day. When I’m really struggling, I use truth journaling. I write out what I’m thinking and feeling and then respond to myself with the truth. We can pray throughout the day, using waiting, driving, nursing, and sleepless times for connecting with God.

Using the time boundaries we’ve established, we can ensure that we are spending adequate time with God. We can also experiment to find the best time to be consistent in our prayer and Bible time. We could plan it for the morning, the evening before bed, or during kids’ free time. Whenever you plan it, you will be richly rewarded for having time devoted to the Lord.

#2 Relationship with Spouse

The second relationship we must prioritize is with our spouse. If you are not married, I encourage you to prioritize time with your main support person. The number one reason our homeschooling records will be demanded is because our spouse  is protesting the validity of our homeschooling in divorce court. A happy marriage is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children. As far as it depends on us, we must seek a healthy relationship.

That healthy relationship begins with time. In a podcast episode I did with my husband, I was struck by his saying that men want to know that homeschooling isn’t going to take all of the time and energy we have, leaving nothing for them. Homeschooling can become another lover if you will, trying to steal us away. We should not allow that to happen. If we are too tired to engage in activities that our husband enjoys, especially if that’s physical intimacy, we need to adjust our time boundaries once again.

Be intentional about reserving time for your spouse or support person. Put it on the calendar and make it part of your daily routine. Then treat that time with respect, and don’t let just anything crowd it out. How we treat that time speaks volumes about how we feel about the relationship.

#3 Relationships with Children

The third relationship we must prioritize is with our children. I don’t think it’s appropriate to say that we have to separate our roles as parent and teacher. I honestly don’t know how to do that because those roles have been blended in my life for over two decades. But it is appropriate to have a separate focus in your time with your children. The teacher in you may be focus on helping your child improve his handwriting, master multiplication facts, or become more adept at grammar. For many of us the parent role is like the law. Our children must learn by the rules and do well.

But if we work from law alone, we will lose our children’s hearts. If you consider your favorite teachers as a child, my guess is they were not strict legalists who loved the law. Instead they were likely teachers who could laugh and clearly loved you as a person. This is what our children want to see in us. Yes we expect them to work hard and learn a lot. But we want to enjoy life with them, too.

We can know if we have become too legalistic in our homeschooling by our children’s reaction. If mild complaining about starting the school day has turned into sullen and angry pupils, we need to take a look at what we’re doing. Have we been allowing violations of our time boundaries? Are we more concerned that our children do their work then grow as people? If you really aren’t sure, ask your children what they think your primary goal is. In The Organized Homeschool Life book and planner, I have an assessment your children can take that will give you great insights into your parenting and teaching.

The easiest way to make sure you are keeping relationships with children at the forefront of your homeschooling is to schedule time with them. Scheduling time for fun activities with all of your children is an easy way to do this. Have a fun Friday in which you do educational activities that don’t  seem educational. These can include field trips, videos, and games. You can also plan family activities to fulfill this purpose. A board game night is one example of something to put into your weekly routine.

But one of the most powerful ways of connecting with your children is to plan individual time with them. Depending on how many children you have, you will have to adjust this plan accordingly. With six children, it was impossible for me to do this daily. But many weeks, I could devote time to each child once a week. I gave my children the option of choosing our activities. Their choices told me a lot about them. I had a child who wanted his feet rubbed. His love language is physical touch. I had a child who liked going to a restaurant for a treat with me. Others requestded time to watch a show or play a game with me. Because children often fight to get our attention, spending individual time with them can help decrease sibling rivalry. And as children mature, I would argue that the relationships become even more important to nurture.

#4 Relationships with Extended Family

The fourth relationship we must prioritize is with extended family. You may have relatives who aren’t supportive of homeschooling. Depending on how negative these relatives are, you may have to limit time with them. But in most cases, we do well to help extended family feel important. Relatives, like husbands, may feel sidelined by a busy homeschooling schedule–explaining at least in part a negative attitude. There are many ways to make family members feel a part of what we’re doing–whether that’s regular calls, letters, or visits. Family should be incorporated into the regular schedule if possible. You may be surprised by how flattered a relative is by being asked to teach your children a skill or even to be regularly involved in teaching.

If you have family members who don’t know much about homeschooling, invite them to watch a video or to talk to a local support group leader who can answer their questions. Some negativity may be coming from homeschooling myths they’ve heard. You can also share what you’ve been learning, even showing family members the materials you plan on using.

#5 Relationships with Friends

If you’re prioritizing relationships with God, your spouse, your children, and extended family, you may conclude you have no time left for friends. You may even believe that spending time outside of the home with friends isn’t appropriate for a homeschooling mom. I believe that even that most introverted home body can benefit from friendships. Without friends to talk with, to pray for us, and to advise us, we can quickly become overwhelmed and depressed.

I don’t know what I would have done without friends when my children struggled with a school subject, character qualities, and even faith. I needed friends to help me see that I was expecting way too much of myself.  I’ve needed friends for practical help, too. I still need friends to encourage me.

With busy schedules, participating in an activity where the moms stick around makes socializing easy. If that isn’t possible because of social distancing restrictions, consider joining a virtual Bible study or small support group for moms. But also pursue face-to-face interactions outside or in an environment you are comfortable in.

Time with friends can make the difference between staying the course in homeschooling and giving up.

Conclusion

Choosing curriculum and how to organize more materials can be more complicated than focusing on relationships. But relationships do require a commitment of time. I hope I’ve convinced you to make your relationship with God, your spouse, your children, your extended family, and your friends a priority. If you do, all the other aspects of homeschooling become more manageable.

Join me next time as I discuss how to find curriculum that will give you homeschool sanity.

Have a happy homeschool week!

 

Hey, homeschoolers! In this episode, I’m sharing my top tips for getting more done.

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Takeaways

Developing a devotional habit can provide wisdom, focus, and peace of mind. Creating routines can help homeschoolers stay organized and reduce stress. Developing an exercise habit can increase energy levels and improve overall health. Planning your week and day can help you stay on track and avoid feeling overwhelmed. Envisioning your day and using loop scheduling can increase motivation and productivity. Randomizing tasks and using truth journaling can help overcome procrastination and negative thoughts. Stopping worry and trusting God can reduce stress and improve mental well-being.

Resources

The Organized Homeschool Life

The Organized Homeschool Life Planner

FLYLady on Routines

A Year of Living Productively

Great Homeschool Conventions

Random.org

Truth Journaling

Freedom from Procrastination

Trust Project

Have a happy homeschool week!

Hey, homeschoolers! I intended to publish this episode last week but ended up giving you a chance to practice patience in waiting for it. I want to share what I’ve learned about being a patient mom, but first, I want to thank the Ultimate Homeschool Radio Network. They are celebrating their 10-year anniversary, which is amazing to me. I can’t believe it’s been that long since the kind and generous Felice Gerwitz offered me the chance to have my own podcast.

Some weeks (like last week), it’s challenging to get the content out, but most of the time I love sharing encouragement with you, some of the most committed moms on the planet. The network has some special plans to mark our anniversary, so I hope you’ll check out the website or my social media to participate. Finally, I want to thank you for giving me the honor of listening to this podcast and other podcasts on the network. I don’t take it for granted.

Introduction to Patience

Now let’s jump into the topic of the week: patience. I was surprised to learn that I haven’t done a podcast on this topic when a mom asked me for resources. I’ve done episodes on anger (Anger episode 2 Anger episode 1). But impatience is the precursor to anger. If we can manage our impatience, we are much less likely to lose our cool.

Just as with anger, I believe that only Jesus can rescue us from a real stronghold of impatience. That rescue usually isn’t immediate. When I started homeschooling, I learned I was an impatient mom. I had this image of what homeschooling would look like. My son didn’t share that image. My impatience in response was a nasty surprise. Many moms would have said I had no business homeschooling with that kind of impatience. But I’m glad I persevered. Homeschooling was the fire that God used to refine my patience.

Practice to be PATIENT

I think we can cooperate with God to develop patience. I’m using the acronym PATIENT to share how.

The P is for process. When we don’t process our emotions, it’s like letting trash accumulate. Soon it will overflow the container. We’ll have a blow up.

Not processing our emotions looks like this: Our homeschool friend announces at the last minute that she will not be coming to the co-op party. She is getting her hair done. You are not happy about that. But you push aside that unhappiness because you have a party to get ready for.  You also didn’t sleep well because your husband says there is a chance he will be laid off. You’re tired and you’re worried. But it’s too upsetting to think about, so you focus on the party. If you don’t process those emotions, where will your patience be if another friend forgets to bring the paper goods, or your child drops a jar of pickles on the floor?

Processing our emotions doesn’t have to take a lot of time and is unlikely to make us feel worse. It can simply be a matter of praying about how you’re feeling, truth journaling, or talking it out with someone. In a household of eight, we had to take out the trash daily. If you’re working to overcome impatience, I recommend processing your emotions daily too. As we process, we realize that there are steps we need to take to deal with the things that are bothering us that can prevent negative emotions from occurring in the future.

The A in Patient is for Asking Yourself If It’s Important. Is it important that your friend forgot to bring the paper goods? Maybe not. You can either cobble together something else or she can run home or to the store to get them. I often find myself feeling like I’m in a hurry when I’m really not. When I ask myself if it’s important that the cashier is behaving like a sloth, I have to answer no. But what if it is? What if the subject of your impatience is truly important? You have a loved one needing medical attention or you could be late for something critical? In this case, we don’t have to be impatient. We can be assertive. We can say that we need something to happen in a timely fashion and why. We can’t expect others to know that we’re in a rush if we don’t tell them.

The first T in Patient is for Tell Yourself the Truth. In situations that can lead us to impatience, we tend to awfulize. We make the situation much worse in our minds than it is. I’ve shared the example before of walking into a messy house after being gone for a while. I can tell myself it’s a disaster of epic proportions! It looks like a tornado hit. It’s going to take all day to get the house back in shape. Or I can tell myself the truth that I can set a timer for 10 minutes and with all of us working, the house will be back to normal. When we haven’t processed our emotions or asked ourselves if something is important, we may have difficulty telling ourselves the truth. It’s a good time to talk to someone who can talk you down. They will tell you the truth. Before we’re in a challenging situation, we can also renew our minds with God’s truth. We can meditate on not only scriptures having to do with patience but on who God is. When we’re thinking about our awesome, holy, loving God, the broken jar of pickles doesn’t seem like such a big deal. We can also recall the truth that we have an enemy actively working to make us impatient. That truth annoys me enough that I stubbornly refuse to become impatient!

The I in Patient is just what it sounds like: I. In other words, we’re more likely to be impatient when it’s about me, myself, and I. We are doing the JOY acronym backwards as YOJ (first you, then others, then Jesus). It’s the mistake impatient Martha made. Martha was impatient because she wasn’t getting the help she wanted from Mary. She wasn’t focused on Jesus either. Perhaps she hadn’t processed her emotions, asked herself if getting the meal on the table quickly was really important, or hadn’t told herself the truth that it was not a fact a nightmare if Mary wasn’t helping. Back to our co-op party example: Who is the party about anyway? If it’s not your birthday party, you didn’t plan it for yourself.

The E in Patient is for Expect More Challenges. Much of our initial feeling of impatience is related to our expectations. Your co-op friends have probably skipped out or forgotten things before. Your kids have certainly dropped things at inopportune times, as have you. Pretty much every time I was away from home without the kids, they made a mess. And once one thing happens to hit our impatience button, we can count on more. With the party example, expect something to break, someone to get hurt, or someone to have a conflict. You’re more likely to remain calm and you can rejoice if all goes well.

The N in Patient is for Neglect the Upsetting Memories. Just because you should have known your friend would no-show the party doesn’t mean you should ruminate on that. Doing so will create more negative emotions that need to be processed or they can lead to impatience. Every day is a fresh start with new opportunities to experience joy. We can choose to forgive ourselves and others with the power of the Holy Spirit. One powerful way of neglecting the negative memories is to see the humor in the situation. Your friend bailed on your long-planned party to get her hair done? That’s hilarious! When I’m in the middle of an impatience-provoking situation, I often think about how I can later tell it as a funny story.

I recently went to the DMV to get my license renewed. I tried to get an appointment online but my office doesn’t have that option. When I got to the office, it took me a number of attempts to get the screen to allow me to check in. Once I did, it said to go ahead and leave and I would get a text message when it was my turn. The room was full, so I thought it could be a while. But I was just about out of the parking lot when I got a message that it was my turn. As I quickly drove back, I got a message that I had missed my turn. When I got back into the office, the clerk was helping someone else. She noticed me though and said that she was going on lunch break for half an hour but I would be the first person she helped when she came back. I did plan to meet someone after getting my license, but I thought I would be okay even waiting half an hour. I went across the street to a thrift store for 15 minutes, figuring that I would go back a little early, just in case. As I got into my car, I got a text message that it was my turn. As I pulled into the parking lot, I got a message that they had gone on to the next customer. I went back to the office and sure enough, someone else was ahead of me. But in a few minutes, the new clerk explained that she had taken over for the woman on lunch break and would be helping me next. I am so glad the Lord gave me patience in this situation and a sense of humor. The new clerk was delightful and I was on my way in plenty of time for my get together.

The T in Patient is for Thankfulness. It’s impossible to be impatient when we are grateful. When you’re in a situation that is provoking you to impatience, find something to be grateful for. If you’re really struggling, start going through the alphabet. A, I’m grateful for our automobile. B, I’m grateful for this healthy body. By the time you’re through the alphabet, you will likely be much calmer. Of course, we want to thank the Lord for helping us resist the temptation to be impatient and for a humorous perspective as well.

I pray that this episode has given you some encouragement and some tools the next time you’re provoked to impatience.

Have a patient homeschool week!