In “Fight Fair,” Episode #065, Meredith Curtis reveals the truth: Conflict is inevitable, but yelling, screaming, and saying things you regret is not. Meredith will teach you to argue without raising your voices, disagree without becoming enemies, work through conflict to achieve win/win, and forgive one another after the dust has settled. This biblical method found in Matthew 18, Proverbs, and James works! It can work in your household, too.

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Show Notes

Conflict. Every marriage has it. Every set of siblings engages in it. Conflict is a fact of life.
You won’t be able to remove conflict from your home, but you can change how conflict is handled.

Why Do We Experience Conflict in Relationships?

Proverbs 18:1: “An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels.”

James 4:1-3: “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”

We experience conflict because we struggle to resist selfishness and greed in our own hearts. Our agenda becomes more important than others’. We experience conflict because we indulge our flesh, instead of looking to Jesus.

Our only hope to avoid conflict is to surrender to Jesus.

Know When to Drop It

The most important thing to learn is to learn when to drop something before a fight ensues. Pride and anger often cause things to escalate quickly.

Proverbs 15:18 “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.”

Proverbs 17:14: “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.”

Proverbs 20:3: “It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.”

Examine some old conflicts. How did they escalate? What could have been done to stop them from escalating into a quarrel?

Disagree with Kindness & Respect

A disagreement is when two people see things from a different perspective or have different goals.

Sometimes one person is all wrong and the other is all right, but often there is fault on both sides.

Humility keeps things from becoming ugly.

Proverbs 22:10: “Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended.”

Matthew 18:15: “ If your brother or sister[ sins,[go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.”

Disagree without becoming enemies. Come with humility, asking questions.

Work Through Conflict Successfully

Keep it between the two of you.

Proverbs 26:17: “Like one who grabs a stray dog by the ears is someone who rushes into a quarrel not their own.”

Don’t involve others through gossip. Only bring in a third person if you two can’t work it out.

If children can’t work it out, that third person should be a sibling.

Win/Win. Let your motive be for the other person’s best, as well as your own.

Philippians 2:1-4: “Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”