Inspiring Kids To Be Honorable
Is inspiring kids to be honorable possible? Yes, it is but it takes consistency and a “secret” ingredient as you will soon learn! In our rush to raise the perfect child, we are missing the main point of parenthood and that is modeling the behavior we want to encourage our children to have. There is no one method that is going to ensure that your kids stay on the straight and narrow, but here are some things I’ve learned in my years of parenting since my first child was born in 1980. Yeah, do the math, that was quite some time ago!
People who are honorable are those that believe in a cause and have the backbone to stick to their moral code. These are the people who do heroic things, who care about what is important and ignore the rest, and who are an example for us all. People who are honorable can be trusted and counted upon because if they give their word, and their word is believed. Do we want that for our kids? Of course, we do!
Warning! Rocky Road Ahead.
- Kids learn what we demonstrate not what we say.
- The best parents can raise kids that are ungrateful, loud and unproductive. Ask me how I know.
- The things you do go way further that the things you say.
I have five kids and while I love them all – we have to love our kids, right? I’ve have to be honest here and say that sometimes I had to pray to the Lord to help me love my kids. I’m being honest here.
Why do we have difficulty with some of our kids? When we see they are dishonest we look at the problem, not perhaps the reasons behind the why. For example, why do kids lie?
- Avoid getting in trouble – they don’t want to handle the punishment.
- Lie to self – ourselves can’t handle the truth.
- Don’t care – so what – it’s not that bad.
In the Bible, we read in Genesis that all that God made was good. After each creation we read the word, “God saw that it was good…” God created us good but our first parents were tempted by sin and so are we if we are honest and so are our kids. But all is not hopeless!
Inspiring Kids To Be Honorable means setting boundaries.
Some kids just don’t listen in the way you want and when your rules and regulations run out what are you going to do when a child doesn’t follow you leading? My husband and I lead by example but one thing we lacked was follow through! For some of our kids, a threat was all it took, for others they were, in my husband’s words, “gamblers.”
Here is what I can say without a shadow of a doubt and I hope these words find their mark within your heart. We can only lead our children to become honorable kids, we can’t make them.
We must model the behavior and encourage our children to do the same.
In raising our children, we had a big gap between our first two children and out last three. With the first two, video was new, the internet was slow and dial-up and smartphones were not invented yet. With the last three, CD players were in all the rooms, because how else could they listen to Adventures in Odyssey? And, soon iTouch was the latest device with mp3 making its debut. Our computers were never in the bedroom and security was on all devices. I made it my mission to become a techie and stay one step ahead of my kids. (Mike in college class couldn’t get to a website.)
I believe the greatest deterrent to Inspiring Kids To Be Honorable is the fact that our time is so limited and taken up with needless activities. Social media is a time waster in my opinion and all of the new apps just take more and more time away from our kids.
We want to instill kindness, honesty, values such as being respectful of family and friends, praying daily and making Christ the center of your life and our children’s lives. We want our kids to display modesty, be a lady or a gentleman – and of course realize that in our house anyway, chivalry is not dead!
Allowing Our Kids To Fail Is Key:
We also need to allow our kids to fail and that parents is something I have trouble doing … I tend to micromanage and when my kids come to me with a problem I am a problem solver! However, we need to ask them what they think and how they will approach the problem/ issue.
Allowing kids to fail in the safety of their own homes – my husband says we constantly save our kids and don’t allow them the bumps and bruises they need to thrive.
The problems escalate when we don’t correct dishonorable conduct. Our children will learn that they can get away with things and gamble. They will learn dishonorable habits. Kids lie for example because they are selfish and none of us want kids that are brats.
Our society also causes narcissistic activities – with selfies and social media that if focused on us, what we are doing and self-absorbed kids that feel entitled. Social media allows lying to happen more easily and allows for people to act in a way that they would never do in person. Keeping our kids off of social media as much as you can, especially when they are young is key.
In addition, if our kids are not corrected for their behavior and if they don’t have a grasp on self- control they will grow into kids that can’t handle differences. We see this today as well with kids that who act out when they hear things they don’t agree with, the term “snowflake” was attributed to college kids who had a meltdown after the Presidential election of 2016. People react violently when their views are not accepted by others, and lies are at an all-time high when it comes to people spreading false stories. Fake news is even a buzz word.
If you have young children that is wonderful news because it helps to start early! We can teach our children to do right over wrong and it should be done with love. Harsh discipline and punishments usually work in reverse or you will train your kids to be abusive adults. Yes, we must make sure our kids listen but the biggest key is praying. Yes, praying to God for help in your discipline. I can tell you story after story about how this has worked in my own parenting when all else fails.
Teach kids about paying it forward. Doing things for others without reward! For example volunteering. Volunteer at the nature center, plant trees, or set up your own volunteer situations.
Ask your church for families that need help, or visit the elderly at nursing homes. (Only well kids – elderly people get sick easily.)
The pull on our kids is very dangerous and very real. Just the other day a parent shared the need to discuss something morally reprehensible with her child because the issue came up with some friends. The blessing is the ability to discuss and the responsibility of parents to be the one discussing.
Inspiring Kids To Be Honorable:
- Lead by Example – our kids need to be grounded in what is right and true. Talking to kids helps but parents need to lead by example. You want your kids to read the Bible – then, you better be reading the Bible. (What you watch, read, etc.)
- Keep communication open with your children. Do they trust you to now “flip out” when they come to you with a question or problem? Tell them you are there for them and be there for them.
- Be Preemptive – what is being discussed today? Make sure it is age appropriate but be ready to give an answer. Moral divergence of today is alarming, but are you willing to look into gender issues so that you can discuss this your children when you/ they are ready? I had a discussion with my college kids this summer about the LBGT community, rights and learned a few things from them as well. Happily, our opinions are in alignment but I was ready with discussion questions if not.
- Know your kids – sometimes I feel that parents think their kids are strangers and they don’t understand them. I remember answering one of my students sarcastically when they said I didn’t understand teenagers, “Oh, yes you are right. I went from fifteen to twenty-three overnight and skipped all the years in-between.” This caused the student to pause and of course, laugh when he realized the humor in his statement and mine. We all went through what our kids are going through and our parents, I am sure wanted us to be honorable! Think back and remember your earlier years! (Some people say that you should tell your kids what you did wrong – sometimes I feel that is a license for kids to model their parents.)
- Let go and let God. The Almighty, if you are a believer is ultimately in charge of your life and ideally, this means God’s got this!
Thank You for being willing to mention some “touchy” topics like how our culture promotes narcissism. This is something I have felt for so long yet haven’t received positive feedback on when I mention it. Mostly I am thought of as backwards and/or out of touch. I don’t need affirmation, but it is nice to know that someone else sees this potential pitfall too. All but one of my older children agree with me, and the one who doesn’t is learning the truth the hard way. This article blessed me in too many ways to say. So, thank you. I needed this.
Thanks so much, Rebecca. I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts!
Well said!