Recently I saw a post attributed to CS Lewis that read, “Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.” However, according to the CS Lewis official website, it is not his quote but belongs to John Tanner. This just illustrates that mistakes happen and we make a ton of mistakes as parents.
However, one of the biggest mistakes is taking your kid’s love for granted. When our children are little they are dependent upon us for so many things. They love us if we feed them, it’s that simple! As they grow older they follow us around, hang on every word, and say, “Mommy, mommy,” 5432 times…a day.
Your Kid’s Love
…is something to be cherished. As a busy homeschool mom, there were times I was very short tempered with my sensitive children. I could see the hurt in their face, but I didn’t have time to work out the problem. We had to get to the park, to church, to (you fill in the blank). There was always some reason more important than my child’s feelings. And, parents that is when we begin to erode the trust and the love our children have for us.
I’m not talking about being overindulgent, and creating children that are whiny, spoiled, and demanding. Kids have meltdowns from time to time but remember you are the parent. My husband would answer our children when they commented, “That’s not fair,” with the answer, “I’m your dad, not your buddy.”
On the flip side, we’ve all experienced the harassing mother or father in a public place who is embarrassing the child and everyone within earshot. I remember wanting to run to the child and give her a hug and tell her that everything will be okay. It is also a lesson to me that there is absolutely nothing that can’t wait to talk about until later.
Wisdom From Dad
My husband tells my children, “This home is where you should feel safe. It is your safe place.” He would further reassure our kids that they could ask us or tell us anything. He’d also remind them that we love and want the best for them. This type of reassurance often came after they were disciplined. Telling our children we love them after they get in trouble is a significant step to reminding them of our love.
Parents love (or should) unconditionally. We don’t love one child more than another. We don’t play favorites. When we have another child our love just expands to include one more. My dad use to joke and ask my children, “Don’t you love grandpa a little more than grandma?” My kids would look from one to the other, while my mom would laughingly tell my father to stop and then jump into the game, “No she loves grandma better.” But, it was a joke. Just fun.
Talk About Love
Some families don’t talk about love. They think their kids know they love them. They don’t. Kids see things differently. Just ask them. The point here is not only telling them you love them but knowing that they love us back. And that is the crux of the issue.
Does anyone in your family have a hard time saying the words, “I love you.” Those simple words can go a long way to improving relationships especially if they are coupled with a hug or a cookie. My kids loved when I baked. They told me it was saying I love you without words. Once my little son gave me this amazing trophy. He had made it out of his blocks that were all squares and angles and he present it as my “Cooking Trophy.” He was only five.
Our kids need to trust that when we say, or promise something we will follow through. We’ve all be guilty of forgetting or having something really important come up and disappointing the children. One thing that you may consider is waiting until you are certain before you promise. My daughter doesn’t tell her children, typically until the day of an event. My grandchildren tell me, “I never know anything that we are going to do.” However, when they do find out it is a wonderful surprise!
Your children are a gift and the best that life has to offer. There is no sunset, no ocean or mountain view that can take your breath away on a daily basis in the same way as our children. This is a reminder for us all. Your child’s love is precious. And, it is given freely. Cherish them and they will in turn model the same behavior.
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