Peaceful Parenting FAIL: 4 Reasons We Struggle to Parent Peacefully

The real reasons moms struggle to parent peacefullyToday we’re going to talk about peaceful parenting fails – when you want to parent peacefully, but you just seem to blow it time and time again.

If I’m being completely honest, I have to tell you that sometimes I feel like the biggest hypocrite getting on here and trying to help other moms parent more peacefully.

The reason is, I’m not a peaceful parent 100% of the time. I want to be.
But I’m not.

And I’ve talked to so many of you, too. So many listeners deeply desire to build a close connection with their kids. They want to stop yelling. So many moms want to be a positive, peaceful parent.

And we try! But we fail over and over again.

4 Reasons why Moms Struggle with Peaceful Parenting

1. We don’t have realistic expectations.

The fact of the matter is, toddlers whine and cry. Kids whine and cry. They’re literally not able to sit still for a long period of time. They are full of energy and life. Kids are curious, chatty, and they ask “why” a million times a day.

That’s just developmentally normal.

Sometimes I forget that my two-year-old is only two. It seems silly to say that out loud. But I sometimes forget that it’s developmentally appropriate for her to tantrum and push limits.

Many times we feel frustrated with our children because we expect them to behave a certain way that is outside of the realm of realistic possibility.

When we lower our expectations and remind ourselves of what’s developmentally normal for their age, this can help us to feel more compassionate and be more patient with them.

2. We struggle with our own emotions.

Recently I took a survey in my Christian peaceful parenting Facebook group, and I asked moms if they felt that anxiety and/or depression negatively impacted their ability to parent peacefully.

So many brave mamas said that anxiety, depression, stress, and feelings of overwhelm absolutely prevented them from being the peaceful parent that they want to be.

If you’ve never experienced depression or anxiety, I don’t know that you can fully comprehend how difficult it is.

I feel like some people minimize how difficult these struggles can be or how profound the suffering really is. You might think that your loved ones are just being dramatic or exaggerating how bad their symptoms are.

But for some people, anxiety and depression (or any other emotional health struggle) can be really debilitating.

I know for me personally, when I’m feeling really anxious or panicky, it can make me feel really irritable.

When I’m stressed or overwhelmed, I know that my tone of voice isn’t as gentle or nurturing as it would be if I were feeling peaceful and calm.

So if you’re listening to this podcast today and you feel that depression or anxiety causes you to struggle with parenting peacefully, just know that you are not alone.

And you can take steps today to help yourself finally feel better. For some, it may mean continuing on with the treatment regimen you’re already doing. Putting one foot in front of the other.

For others, today might be the day that you finally reach out for help. You might make that phone call to your doctor or to a counselor you trust.

Whatever you decide, you don’t have to suffer alone.

3. We’re not taking care of ourselves physically

As moms, we often put everyone else ahead of ourselves. (Which is oftentimes very necessary!)

But there are certain things that are non-negotiable.

The biggest one being sleep.

I know sleep is a loaded subject for moms. If our kids don’t sleep well, we don’t sleep well. And even if our kids are sleeping well, we tend to stay awake worrying about them or running around preparing for the next day.

But the bottom line is, we have to prioritize sleep in our lives. Again, if you have a newborn or a baby who doesn’t sleep through the night, I know it may not be possible to wake up in the morning feeling totally rested.

Along with getting more sleep also comes diet and exercise. I know that personally, I feel so much better in general when I’m getting tons of veggies and doing a bit of exercise.

My family and I love to take evening walks together. There’s just something about being in the sunshine and fresh air that makes me feel so much better.

4. We’re relying on our own strength

If we’re able to succeed at parenting peacefully the majority of the time, it won’t be because of our own determination or willpower.

It will be because God is faithful and He is our strength.

Psalm 46:1 says, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”

Friends, I want to encourage you today. If you feel like a failure at this peaceful parenting thing, you’re not.

No mom is perfect.

So, remember that even in the most stressful difficult times in your parenting journey with your children that God will be one that really is our strength and he will help us in the difficult times.

Each day is a new day for us to love, nurture and support our children in all that God desires them to be. Lastly, remember that God loves you very much, you are his child and he delights in you, and he is always there for you.


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Join Marianna Chambers as she talks about practical ways to become a more peaceful parent. Having children is a wonderful blessing, but it can also be quite stressful. Every day we hear from moms just like you who are struggling to be the gentle parent they want to be. Moms desperately want to raise their children on a firm foundation of love, but those sweet kids sure know how to push our buttons. (And boy, do they push them!)

Marianna Chambers is a counselor, parenting coach, blogger, homeschool mom, and best-selling author. She’s passionate about supporting and encouraging moms. You can follow her on Facebook and Instagram, or read her blog here. You can also join her private Facebook group for Christian moms on a peaceful parenting mission.

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