Sibling Rivalry

Sibling Rivalry | If you have more one child you have experienced sibling rivalry. One or more of the children feels slighted in some way. | #podcast #homeschoolpodcastSibling Rivalry – 10 Solutions That Work!

If you have more one child you have experienced sibling rivalry. One or more of the children feels slighted in some way. Either they don’t think things are “fair” or they feel that the other child is getting more attention. Either way, there is an issue that parents need to address for their own sanity!

I do know that there are some ways I’ve been able to deal with children who continuously fight for attention. I felt that from one year to the next or even one day to the next the things could change. One minute my kids were getting along and the next everything fell apart.

There is some good news in all this fighting. It helps them in negotiating, problem-solving and ways to resolve issues. But, when it comes to blows that is when the negotiating comes to a screeching halt and the survival of the fittest takes place!

One is that I had to do something. Kids will be kids if you let them be: 

  1. What is the recourse?
  2. Communication between kids – work it out
  3. Effective listening – respect feelings
  4. Rules & Don’t play favoritism
  5. Both are accountable – takes two
  6. Is life really fair?
  7. Take item away, restrict items, electronics
  8. No verbal abuse
  9. Time Together – build relationships
  10. Forgiveness but pray for each other.

I didn’t let the children get away with bad behavior. I’d warn them, “Is what you are doing, your fighting worth it? You will both be getting in trouble if you misbehave. I just want to warn you now.”

Effective listening is one way for chronic issues. If someone took the child’s toy without asking, the response is, “I’m sorry your feelings were hurt.” The idea is to value the child’s feelings but also if the toy was lost or broken there needs to be restitution.

I know there is much out there about kids and hurting their feelings and perhaps causing damage for the future. If your child knows you love them then I believe you have a good foundation and basis to parent.

Why are parents afraid to parent? That is a question I ask and when I see the results, kids who are disrespectful, kids who gravitate to their friends instead of their family and kids who feel slighted it is the result of me focused parenting.

Listen, it isn’t easy to be a mom or a dad. Our kids are individuals created in the image and likeness of God. Our kids need both a mom and a dad. I recently heard an interview by the author of the book, “The Boy Crisis,” Warren Farrell and he sais that our boys are struggling and there is an answer. The answer? Two-parent families. He said girls struggle as well but most single-family homes are run by a mother so the girls still have a role model. He also claims that most schools are run by women and in single-family homes that translates into our boys’ failure of a good male role model – which is where the church would hopefully come in.

As homeschool parents, we can make the difference. We are there with our children and we can mentor our boys and girls. When dad gets home give him time mom to be with your boys.  We never ate “on time,” since my husband wanted to come in and say hi to everyone and then go outdoors with the kids to play before dinner. Whether it was fishing in our pond, throwing around a baseball or playing basketball. Yes, he was exhausted after work – and his job was more physical then most on a construction job site, yet he knew this was important to our children.

Kids will fight less if you give them less opportunity to become reactive. Homes where there is less structure, routine or consequences there will be fighting! Structure is important. Why is that moms say that when they are doing school and keeping their routines the kids fight less?

Look at the situations that trigger the rivalry. I look at my grandkids now and I can the little peskier brother feels that if he doesn’t stand up for himself and be trouble he will be left out of games and events.

Kids also can sense tension. If there is problems within the home with your spouse or others in the family kids know and sometimes that will be a trigger that causes them to fight.

 


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