3 Peaceful Parenting Phrases (For Better Communication!)

Do you struggle with a child who won't listen or who pushes back on anything you say? Here are 3 powerful, peaceful parenting phrases you can use to improve communication and help your child feel more understood and more valued. #Peacefulparenting #ChristianparentingIf you struggle with your child pushing back, or if you ever feel like your child just doesn’t listen, this episode is for you!

Today we’re going to talk about three powerful phrases to help us communicate better and more peacefully with our children.

These three phrases are tools that you’ll be able to put into practice right away to help your child feel more understood and more valued.

Not only that, but you’ll also be able to diffuse power struggles before they even begin! These three phrases are ones that counselors like myself use every single day in their practice. So once you learn them, you can use them not only in your parenting…but also with your spouse, your friends, your boss…anyone!

Peaceful Parenting Phrase 1

The first phrase we are going to talk about  goes like this, “So what I hear you saying is…”

This phrase is a type of reflective listening, or restating what your child has just told you. When we paraphrase something that’s just been told to us, we’re doing two things.

1- We are showing the child that we actually hear their primary concern.

2- We are giving them the chance to clarify if we misunderstood them.

Let me give you an example of how this technique is used. Imagine you and your family have just come home from church one Sunday.

You ask your son, “How was Sunday school?” He responds, “First we had circle time and our teacher had on a new blue dress. Then we had Bible story time but during the story Sam kept trying to talk to me and I told him to shush but the teacher only saw me talking and she moved me to the other side of the class so I couldn’t hear the story anymore and it’s not fair! Then we had a snack and music time.”

Whew! That’s a lot of information! How do you process all that?

Using reflective listening, you might say back to your child, “What I hear you saying is, Sam kept talking to you and you got the blame for interrupting story time.”

See, you just summarized alllll those words with just a few. Now your child feels heard. He feels like you truly care about what he’s saying. (It also gives him the chance to clarify if you misunderstood!)

Peaceful Parenting Phrase 2

The second phrase I want to teach you is, “It sounds like…”

By using this phrase, you are offering empathy and validating your child’s feelings.

In the case of the Sunday school example we just talked about, you might say to your child, “It sounds like you felt frustrated.”

Again, now your child has the opportunity to say, “Yeah! I did!” Or, “No I didn’t feel frustrated, I felt mad!”

Now that your child has identified his feelings, he’ll be able to regulate them better.

Peaceful Parenting Phrase 3

The third phrase I want to teach you is, “So where do we go from here?”

As parents, we very much want to solve our children’s problems. We’re busy and we need to fix this situation so we can keep moving to the next item on our to-do list.

However, when we jump in and intervene on their behalf, we are missing out on an opportunity to teach our kids how to be problem-solvers.

Not only that, but we could also be setting ourselves up for another power struggle.

In the Sunday School example we talked about earlier, we might be tempted to tell our child what to do. Instead, you might say, “So where do we go from here?” This will allow your child to come up with his own solution.

You are empowering your child to feel more in control. (And you’re also teaching him a valuable skill!) If a child has had all of his problems solved for him his whole childhood, once he enters adulthood, he’s not going to have the skills he needs to solve his own day-to-day struggles.

Now you may be thinking, “But I’m not a counselor and that kind of language doesn’t come naturally to me!” That’s okay! It didn’t come naturally to me at first either. Like anything, this takes practice.

The more you do it, the more you practice, the more natural it will feel and the easier it will come.

To summarize, here are three key phrases to use with your kids to improve your communication:

  • So what I hear you saying is…. (This is reflective listening.)
  • It sounds like…. (This is validating your child’s feelings.)
  • So where do we go from here? (This is empowering your child to problem-solve.)

Join Marianna Chambers as she talks about practical ways to become a more peaceful parent. Having children is a wonderful blessing, but it can also be quite stressful. Every day we hear from moms just like you who are struggling to be the gentle parent they want to be. Moms desperately want to raise their children on a firm foundation of love, but those sweet kids sure know how to push our buttons. (And boy, do they push them!)

Marianna Chambers is a counselor, parenting coach, blogger, homeschool mom, and best-selling author. She’s passionate about supporting and encouraging moms. You can follow her on Facebook and Instagram, or read her blog here. You can also join her private Facebook group for Christian moms on a peaceful parenting mission.

Mother’s Day Q&A with Ashley Smoot

Mother's Day Q&A with Ashley Smooth and The Real Kathy Lee!Recently, I went on Social Media asking moms what questions they would like me to answer on this mother’s day edition of The Real Kathy Lee. I couldn’t believe sooooo many questions were submitted. Although we didn’t get to them all, we did cover some really good ones. Ashley sorted through the questions and chose the following to ask me today.

  1. What’s your perspective on discipline for a toddler/preschooler that is godly, but also developmentally appropriate?
  • Offer real choices
  • Be lighthearted
  • Re-direct
  1. How do you make the decision to homeschool?
  • Do what is best for your family.
  • Not every family is meant to homeschool.
  • Review your decision yearly.
  1. What are your thoughts on time management? How do you have time to take care of everyone and take time for yourself?
  • Know yourself
  • Be willing to work outside a traditional schedule.
  • Be flexible.
  • Find time for yourself.
  • Make time for one on one dates with each child. Learn their love language.
  1. What is your advice on homeschooling beyond preschool?
  • Know your child’s interests and learning styles.
  • Don’t be scared to ask for help.
  • Consider a hybrid if you can’t do it all.
  1. What are my plans for mother’s day???

You will just have to listen to find out. 🙂

 

Happy Happy Mother’s Day!!!!

-Kathy

Don’t forget to subscribe to my podcast and leave a review on iTunes!!!

Thank you to The Homegrown Preschooler for sponsoring this Podcast! Check out the blog post Kathy mentioned, Farmhouse Schoolhouse, to read more about A Year of Playing Skillfully.

Also, to thank you for listening, you can receive a 10% discount on any purchase at

The Homegrown Preschooler by using the code, THEREALKATHYLEE.

Mommy Jammies Night

MommyJammiesNight_144Gifts come in different shapes and sizes and I often marvel at the amazing group of talented people the Lord has brought into my life. It began with my co-author, Jill Whitlock, she and I spent many hours together in the writing of our books, the Creation Science Study Guides. Jill was a homeschool mom and geologist. After completing her homeschool journey she moved to Ft. Lauderdale where she worked for Creation Studies Institute, teaching classes and ghost writing curriculum. Jill met with an unexpected and untimely death in December of 2007. At that time I re-evaluated many things, one was continuing on with something we had planned to do and that is create audio classes to go along with our books, at Media Angels®, Inc.

As we jump in 2014 I am dismayed to see that it has been seven years since Jill died and I only have three classes completed with one left to go, and that is the Creation Geology class. I see many other things that I need to accomplish such as publishing more books, and adding show hosts to this Ultimate Homeschool Radio Network.

I have so many ideas that the Lord has given to me, however I have become sidetracked. Does that ever happen to you? Do you become sidetracked?

In prayer, I’ve asked the Lord to point out ways I can be released of several obligations… and one is the topic I bring to you tonight, Mommy Jammies Night. You see, I LOVE Mommy Jammies – it began as an idea in the mind of my southern, friend Cindy Rushton. She had occasional Mommy Jammies Night – a time to sit back and be blessed by amazing talks and presentations. When I purchased the Ultimate Homeschool Expo from her in 2010, I acquired Mommy Jammies! I couldn’t believe that was the event the Lord wanted me to step away from… so I prayed. And, a name popped into my head of a lady I know, online that I thought would be perfect.

But, I prayed some more. Then, I asked another well placed blogger friend. And, can you guess the name that popped into her head … yes, the same one.

So, I reached out to this person, who (surprise, surprise) said, yes! She is so excited! She attends Mommy Jammies regularly, and once commented, “No one told me to bring tissues to this event.” Yes—many of our speakers touch our hearts, encourage and open our minds to the truth that comes from following Christ. These sessions often lead us to the help and support to take care of our families. These sessions are such a blessing.

Tonight we celebrate one last time of me, as the host my special guest, Carlie Kercheval. Carlie and her husband Michael are hosts of a podcast on this network, as well as authors of a new book, Learning to Speak Life.

I have to admit, stepping down from hosting Mommy Jammies Night is is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, but I know that the Lord must have some amazing plans for growing Mommy Jammies – did you know there is a Facebook Page? Yes, one I have one and I must admit it is much neglected due to all of my other duties. Please join to chat with the new host!

Mommy Jammies Night will always reside on this Ultimate Homeschool Radio Network, and I’m happy to still be part of the network – as founder, and hosting my own shows. You can be sure I will be at the monthly Mommy Jammies Night sessions! In fact I will be the guest for February 11th!

So who is our new Mommy Jammies Night host? Guess you’ll just have to come tonight and listen to the audio to find out! [Please note: The audio will be uploaded by January 15th for replays]

My gifting is mentorship and I still can with Vintage Homeschool Moms and the Ultimate Homeschool Radio Show where I interview amazing authors and speakers… so, I won’t be far.

Has there ever been anything you’ve given up because you’ve felt led to pursue other things? Please let me know I’m not the only one!