Win-Win Arguments – MBFLP 203

It’s inevitable that we will have conflicts with the ones we love – the simple fact of fallen people living in a fallen world means accidents, misunderstandings, expectations – and yes, downright sin sometimes. When they happen, though, how do we turn the unavoidable conflict into something constructive? Can we argue in a way the honors God and leaves our relationship stronger? Is it all about the win, or is there a bigger goal in mind?  This week, we talk about choosing your battles carefully and aiming to fight so we both win!



Fight Fair

Finish Well Radio, Podcast #065, Fight FairIn “Fight Fair,” Episode #065, Meredith Curtis reveals the truth: Conflict is inevitable, but yelling, screaming, and saying things you regret is not. Meredith will teach you to argue without raising your voices, disagree without becoming enemies, work through conflict to achieve win/win, and forgive one another after the dust has settled. This biblical method found in Matthew 18, Proverbs, and James works! It can work in your household, too.

 

 

 

 

 


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Show Notes

Conflict. Every marriage has it. Every set of siblings engages in it. Conflict is a fact of life.
You won’t be able to remove conflict from your home, but you can change how conflict is handled.

Why Do We Experience Conflict in Relationships?

Proverbs 18:1: “An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels.”

James 4:1-3: “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”

We experience conflict because we struggle to resist selfishness and greed in our own hearts. Our agenda becomes more important than others’. We experience conflict because we indulge our flesh, instead of looking to Jesus.

Our only hope to avoid conflict is to surrender to Jesus.

Know When to Drop It

The most important thing to learn is to learn when to drop something before a fight ensues. Pride and anger often cause things to escalate quickly.

Proverbs 15:18 “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.”

Proverbs 17:14: “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.”

Proverbs 20:3: “It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.”

Examine some old conflicts. How did they escalate? What could have been done to stop them from escalating into a quarrel?

Disagree with Kindness & Respect

A disagreement is when two people see things from a different perspective or have different goals.

Sometimes one person is all wrong and the other is all right, but often there is fault on both sides.

Humility keeps things from becoming ugly.

Proverbs 22:10: “Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended.”

Matthew 18:15: “ If your brother or sister[ sins,[go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.”

Disagree without becoming enemies. Come with humility, asking questions.

Work Through Conflict Successfully

Keep it between the two of you.

Proverbs 26:17: “Like one who grabs a stray dog by the ears is someone who rushes into a quarrel not their own.”

Don’t involve others through gossip. Only bring in a third person if you two can’t work it out.

If children can’t work it out, that third person should be a sibling.

Win/Win. Let your motive be for the other person’s best, as well as your own.

Philippians 2:1-4: “Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

Forgive One Another

When conflict is over, forgive and move on. Jesus separates our sin as far as the east from the west.

Don’t get historical.

Matthew 18:21-35 Parable of the Unmerciful Servant

Cancel debts.

Resources to Grow in Christ for Everyone

Fight Fair

Conflict Resolution in a Homeschool Group

Conflict Resolution in a Homeschool Group - Homeschool CPAIf you lead a homeschool co-op, you’ve probably dealt with conflict. Listen as Carol Topp, the Homeschool CPA, shares some tips and advice for dealing with conflict in your homeschool co-op.

Visit Carol’s website here!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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We’d like to thank our Ultimate Homeschool Radio Network sponsor, The Miracle Season!

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MBFLP 91 – Sibling Rivalry

MBFLP-2015-08-10 Sibling Rivalry - pixabay by blickpixel

If there are siblings in the house, you’ve got to be worried about sibling rivalry. It’s not just an irritation – the Bible gives example after example where siblings and their jealousies had disastrous consequences! But as a practical matter, how can we head off sibling rivalry at home … or respond to it when it’s already a fact? Hal and Melanie have eight children, six of them boys, and they’ve learned some useful ways to handle “trouble between brothers” — join us!

RESOURCES YOU MIGHT APPRECIATE

“How To Fight So You Both Win” – This workshop helps you sort out what arguments are truly not worth having, and then how you can work out disagreements so that both sides leave satisfied. Downloadable mp3 – CLICK HERE.

My Beloved and My Friend by Hal and Melanie Young. We devoted a whole chapter in our marriage book to resolving conflicts in a Godly way … and these principles work for children as well a grown-ups. Available in print, ebook, and audiobook formats. CLICK HERE.

Resolving Conflict in Marriage, Part 2

Israel and Brook Wayne again tackle the difficult issue of conflict in marriage, offering thoughts when the conflict goes beyond just “a disagreement.”  Be sure to listen to Part 1.

Resolving Conflict in Marriage, Part 2 – Family Renewal

 https://ultimateradioshow.com/resolving-conf…arriage-part-2/ ‎

Resolving Conflict in Marriage, Part 1 – Family Renewal

https://ultimateradioshow.com/resolving-conf…arriage-part-1/