Healing From Sexual Abuse

Finish Well Radio Show, Podcast #096, How I Teach English in High School with Meredith Curtis on the Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network
Healing From Sexual Abuse

In “Healing from Sexual Abuse,” episode #097, Meredith Curtis examines a horrible side of life in the 21stCentury with honesty, compassion, and truth. She offers hope from the Word of God to define sexual abuse and to process what has happened to you. She also explains why certain lies are often believed by victims, how to reject them, and how Jesus brings healing to the brokenness that often results from sexual abuse. There is healing and freedom, but it is a process. To all those who have been wounded, my heart breaks for you and I am praying that you know the precious love of Jesus that can heal you physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Warning: This show contains sensitive material

 

 

 


Show Notes

Purpose of Childhood

Purpose of Womanhood/Manhood

Care Giver’s Role: Protect Innocence/Provide Safety/Allow children to develop intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually in a safe, pure, and loving environment

God’ Heart toward Those Who Have Been Sexually Abused: Matthew 18:1-6 & I Peter 3:7

What is Sexual Abuse?

A Wide Range Often Progressive

  • Sexual Jokes, Crude comments
  • Terminology, etc. that is too adult for victim
  • Pornography, Exposing,
  • Inappropriate Touching
  • Forcing Children to Participate in Sexual Acts
  • Rape

Sexual abuse exposes children/teens to deviant behavior that damages them emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

I Thessalonians 4:3-12

Why Do Abuse Victims Often Feel Guilt & Shame?

  • Process of Grooming (manipulation by abuser) See Radio Show here
  • Sense of Powerlessness (control and fear instilled by abuser)
  • Separation of sex from loving intimacy—creates a hunger for love & intimacy
  • Body betrayed them—felt some pleasure—only because body parts worked, not because they wanted it

St. Augustine in City of God: No guilt, no loss of purity when you are not a willing participate

NO guilt! Reject lie!

How is Sexual Abuse Related to the Demonic?

Revelation 9:18-21

Ephesians 4:17-19

Demon worship, pagan religions, witchcraft includes sexual acts, prostitution, and “sacrifice” of virgins

How Sexual Abuse Changes People

Heartache

Physical Ailments

Trouble trusting people/feeling safe

Fall into patterns with predators

Can feel like “less of a man” or “less of a woman”

How to Process Sexual Abuse

Ephesians 5:11-17

Evil Sin

Crime/Abusers Keep Abusing/Report Abusers to Police

You were a victim, an unwilling participant

Acknowledge that Sexual Abuser did an evil thing—don’t make excuses for him/her

Anger

Mourn the Loss of Innocence/Protection

Reject Lies: “This is my fault”, “I should have stopped it”, “No one is safe”

From Brokenness to Wholeness

Isaiah 61:1-7

Christ bore our brokenness on the cross and offers healing & wholeness

Stay Safe & Protect Others

Build patterns in your life that are protective and keep you and others safe.

What Teens Can Do

  • Pray for the Lord to Protect You & Give You Wisdom
  • Don’t hang out with people your parents don’t approve of and don’t build private relationships. Friendships should be inclusive, not exclusive.
  • Don’t spend time with someone who “gives you the creeps”
  • Don’t keep secrets from your parents; tell them everything
  • Don’t let someone show physical affection to you that makes you uncomfortable
  • Tell your parents and siblings about all the sites you visit online, games you play online, friends you make, people you chat with.
  • If you are involved in an inappropriate relationship, go immediately to your parents or pastor. Never ever ever be alone with that person again.
  • Grooming is not your fault. The groomer is sick, deranged, and choosing to be evil. Get away!
  • If someone has exposed themselves to you, shown your pornography, touched you, made you touch them, or raped you, they have sinned against you and it is also a crime. Call the police. Report them to the police.

Protection to Keep Kids Safe Online: Bark https://www.bark.us/

Protection from Porn: Covenant Eyes https://www.covenanteyes.com/

What Parents Can Do

  • Pray for Your Children Every Day!
  • Be Aware! Be Vigilant!
  • Pay Attention to Every Attachment & Friendship Your Child Develops.
  • Build a Strong Trust Relationship with Your Kids so They Can Tell You Anything
  • Teach Your Children What is Appropriate and Inappropriate Affection
  • Allow Children to Hug, Kiss, and Show Affection Voluntarily and Not if they Don’t Want To
  • Have Open & Honest Talks about Sex, Anatomy, and Privacy
  • Set up Rules/Boundaries
  • If someone gives you the creeps, don’t let your children be around them
  • Church Policy on Nursery/Sunday School/Teen Nights
  • Visit Ballet Class, Sports Practice, Hangouts, Friends’ Homes Where Your Teens/Children are Playing Teen Group, Co-op Classes, and Anywhere Your Children Spend Time Unannounced
  • Have Access to All Preteen/Teens’ Social Media Accounts including Friends, Private Messaging, etc.) Read Comments on Your Teens’ Posts
  • Don’t Allow Teens to Build Friendships Online that You are Not Part of
  • Grooming is not your child or teen’s fault. The groomer is sick, deranged, and choosing to be evil. Get your child/teen to safety!

If someone has exposed themselves to your child, shown your child pornography, touched your child, made your child touch them, or raped your child, they have sinned against your child and it is also a crime. Call the police. Report them to the police. Stop someone else from being his/her next victim.

Protection to Keep Kids Safe Online: Bark https://www.bark.us/

Protection from Porn: Covenant Eyes https://www.covenanteyes.com/

 

Protect the next victim by Reporting Sexual Abusers to Police

 

Resources

Always FREE Reading Listsfor Every Age!

 

Finish Well Radio Show, Podcast #095, How Sexual Predators Groom Their Victims & What to Do About It with Meredith Curtis on the Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network God's Girls Brand New Life Bible Study God's Girls: Friends to the End God's Girls Beauty Secrets
Making of Real Men Real Men 101: Godly Manhood Lovely to Behold Before the Vows are Made - Premarital Counseling Workbook for Engaged Couples by Pastor Mike and Meredith Curtis

How Sexual Predators Groom Their Victims & What to Do About It

Finish Well Radio Show, Podcast #095, How Sexual Predators Groom Their Victims & What to Do About It with Meredith Curtis on the Ultimate Homeschool Podcast NetworkHow Sexual Predators Groom Their Victims & What to Do About It

In “How Sexual Predators Groom Their Victims & What to Do About It,” episode #095, Meredith Curtis talks about the cunning and manipulative process pedophiles use to target their unsuspecting victims and their parents. Grooming breaks down the natural barriers that protect children and teens from becoming victims. She explains how to recognize toxic behavior and protect your children and teens from this evil.

 

 

 


Show Notes

When you are uncomfortable with a relationship.

Some statistics say that 1 out of 4 girls and 1 out of 5 boys are sexually abused before they turn 18. Most of these abusers are family members or close family friends. Some are church members.

Examples.

These men and women all groomed their future victims before touching them. Grooming takes time and involves a step-by-step breaking down of natural barriers.

Predators target a victim and gain that victim’s trust by filling a void in the child/teen’s life, creating a special bond, and isolating them. They often desensitize them little by little before abusing and after maintain control with blame and shame.

Pedophiles are usually friendly, good with children, good-natured, and likeable. They are hard to spot.

And here’s something that makes it even harder. Sexual predators often befriend parents and caregivers.

A Predator’s Goal is to Gradually Increase Access to the Child/Teen so They Can Engage in Sexual Activity with Them. This is a Premeditated Crime!

Process (Not Necessarily in Precise Order)

  • Pay Special Attention to a Child or Teen to make them feel like honored
  • Provide a Listening Ear to lonely teens/children or teens/children who are not getting along with parents
  • Compliment, Exhibit Interest in, Learn Child’s/Teen’s Habits & Likes & Dislikes, Pretend to Share Common Interests
  • Isolate
  • Involve Child in an Activity that Requires them to be Alone Together
  • The First Physical Contact Between a Predator and his Victim is almost always Non-Sexual
  • Cross Boundaries
  • Introducing Sexual Content
  • “Acceptable Touches” linger and eventually Involve Private Areas or Seeing One Another Naked.
  • Will Treat Child as a Co-Conspirator—This Behavior is Why Victims Blame Themselves

And remember, sexual abuse is a crime and should be reported. Sexual abusers always move on to the next victim.

Online Grooming

Online grooming occurs on websites, computer games, social media sites, and other places online. A predator appears kind and helpful. He/she initiates and cultivates a friendship with the child/teen that eventually results in taking/sending sexual photos, sexting, meeting in real life to engage in sexual activities, or trafficking.

Online grooming follows the same pattern of filling a void, making them feel special, and isolation. Boundary testing is an additional aspect of grooming online. They will actually gauge the level of threat from the parents by finding out how devices are monitored.

If your child is secretive about online activities, check it out! Fast!

Don’t allow computers, phones, etc. behind closed doors.

The apps favored by online predators have the following things in common:

  • The ability to send and receive messages
  • The ability to track the location
  • The ability to exchange photos and videos
  • The ability to stream live video
  • The ability to hide content

Apps Predators use to get to teens and kids: Yubo, Sarahah, Kik, Skout, Whisper, Grindr, Tinder, Musical.ly, Hot or Note, Wishbone

Potentially Dangerous Chat Site Websites: Omegle.com, Chatroulette.com, Chat-Avenue.com, ChatStep.com, Chatrandom.com, Camzap.com, Tinychat.com, Tohla.com

Predators connect with Kids Playing Online Games through their Chat Feature: Fortnite, Minecraft, Discord

What Teens Can Do

  • Pray for the Lord to Protect You & Give You Wisdom
  • Don’t hang out with people your parents don’t approve of and don’t build private relationships. Friendships should be inclusive, not exclusive.
  • Don’t spend time with someone who “gives you the creeps”
  • Don’t keep secrets from your parents; tell them everything
  • Don’t let someone show physical affection to you that makes you uncomfortable
  • Tell your parents and siblings about all the sites you visit online, games you play online, friends you make, people you chat with.
  • If you are involved in an inappropriate relationship, go immediately to your parents or pastor. Never ever ever be alone with that person again.
  • Grooming is not your fault. The groomer is sick, deranged, and choosing to be evil. Get away!
  • If someone has exposed themselves to you, shown your pornography, touched you, made you touch them, or raped you, they have sinned against you and it is also a crime. Call the police. Report them to the police.

Protection to Keep Kids Safe Online: Bark https://www.bark.us/

Protection from Porn: Covenant Eyes https://www.covenanteyes.com/

What Parents Can Do

  • Pray for Your Children Every Day!
  • Be Aware! Be Vigilant!
  • Pay Attention to Every Attachment & Friendship Your Child Develops.
  • Build a Strong Trust Relationship with Your Kids so They Can Tell You Anything
  • Teach Your Children What is Appropriate and Inappropriate Affection
  • Allow Children to Hug, Kiss, and Show Affection Voluntarily and Not if they Don’t Want To
  • Have Open & Honest Talks about Sex, Anatomy, and Privacy
  • Set up Rules/Boundaries
  • If someone gives you the creeps, don’t let your children be around them
  • Church Policy on Nursery/Sunday School/Teen Nights
  • Visit Ballet Class, Sports Practice, Hangouts, Friends’ Homes Where Your Teens/Children are Playing Teen Group, Co-op Classes, and Anywhere Your Children Spend Time Unannounced
  • Have Access to All Preteen/Teens’ Social Media Accounts including Friends, Private Messaging, etc.) Read Comments on Your Teens’ Posts
  • Don’t Allow Teens to Build Friendships Online that You are Not Part of
  • Grooming is not your child or teen’s fault. The groomer is sick, deranged, and choosing to be evil. Get your child/teen to safety!

If someone has exposed themselves to your child, shown your child pornography, touched your child, made your child touch them, or raped your child, they have sinned against your child and it is also a crime. Call the police. Report them to the police. Stop someone else from being his/her next victim.

Protection to Keep Kids Safe Online: Bark https://www.bark.us/

Protection from Porn: Covenant Eyes https://www.covenanteyes.com/

 


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How Sexual Predators Groom Their Victims & What to Do About It

MBFLP 112 – Safety on Your New Devices

We can even see it on our website traffic – Christmastime is New Phone Time! A lot of families, especially with teenagers, received new cell phones, tablets, phablets, and laptops recently. Have you talked with your young people about the traps that come with these very useful devices? Do you have a plan to protect your kids from accidental exposure to internet porn? Are you teaching your teens to discern between good and evil – and choose good – when they’re online? This episode we talk about all this and more!

RESOURCES WE MENTIONED

CLICK HERE ] for a free trial of our favorite filtering/accountability software

“Ten Ways To Keep Your Family From Being Devastated By Porn and Predators” – our most popular blog post ever!

“Five Things You Need To Know About Your Boys & Internet Porn”

MBFLP – Summertime Safety – Ticks, Lyme, and All That

MBFLP - Summer Safety Part 2 Ticks Lyme Disease More
Continuing last episode’s discussion about preparing to enjoy the summer safely, this time we’ll share a surprising discovery we made last summer – and a change in attitude we’ve made concerning a common pest. The times have changed for some insect-borne illnesses, and we’ll share some of our hard-won experience to encourage you to avoid a similiar fate!

MBFLP – Fun and Safety On The Water

It’s summer, Hal and Melanie are on vacation, and water safety is a big concern. Peter walked on water when Jesus called him (Matthew 14) but most of us don’t have that direct command! We share some thoughts about how we train our kids to be safe around the lake, pool, or beach – even if you can’t afford a country-club swim instructor. It’s important!

MBFLP – When You Can’t Walk On Water