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Unruly Kids ~ Just For Kids Episode

Hey moms, grab the kids, unruly kids if you have any of those on hand. This is a Just For Kids episode of Vintage Homeschool Moms and we are going to tackle the issues of misbehavior and the logic behind getting along with others. So, bring your child along as you listen to my episode here

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Okay kids, here is the thing. (And yes, I say “thing” quite a bit.) We are going to talk about unruly kids – and what that means. It can mean many things, but for this podcast, I am going to define it as a kid, that is someone between the ages of five and sixteen – maybe, seventeen. And, if you are younger, that is great, you are welcome to listen.

So, a kid between five and sixteen who does things wrong, but not too terrible. Unruly can mean troublemaker – have you heard that word before? It is someone who likes to make trouble just because they think it is fun or they can get out of work if they do. It is a person who is loud when they should be quiet, or who enjoys (and laughs, even if it is inside) quietly when your brother or sister or friend gets in trouble and you don’t.

Misbehaving is not following the rules, and sometimes you might not know the rules, or sometimes the rules change.

So let me break this down for you, and answer these questions:

I laugh when other people get in trouble.
I like to make my brother or sister cry.
I like to make my brother or sister angry.
I like to get away with making trouble without getting caught.
I enjoy it when people look at me, even if that means I get in trouble.

Let’s stop there – can you answer these questions. If you need to rewind this audio you can, and think about this or write it on a piece of paper.

Now, let’s pretend that I asked your parents these same questions and they answer like this. (read and answer with a yes!

How would you feel if your mom, your dad, or caregiver, let’s say a grandparent or aunt or uncle laughs when you get in trouble, likes to make you cry, likes to make you angry, likes to get you in trouble, and not get caught doing it and likes to have people look at them. Would that be a good thing?

Unruly Kids – Scenario #1

How about this… It’s dinner time. When your mom asked you to set the table you said no, and then yelled that it was not fair and your brother should do it. You decided to throw a pillow at your brother and that made your mom yell at you and tell you to go to your room, which is what you wanted because that means you do not have to set the table and your brother does. At dinner, you get up, without asking anyone if that is okay, and you go to your room because you forgot something there. When you get back, your plate of food is on the floor under your chair. And, the dog is licking the rest of the food from the plate. How do you feel?

Probably not very good. You are probably angry, and rightly so because someone didn’t care about you getting to eat the good food on your plate. Someone didn’t care if the dog ate it instead. Someone didn’t care about what you thought or would feel. Did I forget anything? Is there something else you would feel?

**Has there ever been a time when you were selfish like that? Think about it.

So now let me ask you this – if your mom asked you to set the table and you said no, then you threw a pillow at your brother and got in trouble, how did she feel?

She is making your dinner because she cares about you and the family.
She asked you to help because she thinks you are responsible and can be trusted to carry plates, and other stuff to the table, and that is wonderful!
She felt sad that you did not care to help.
She had to stop what she was doing to discipline you – that is making you go to your room.

So – was it worth it?

I had a son who would get into trouble and when I asked him if it was worth getting in trouble he said yes. He was honest and that is good – but it also showed me that I had to change the way we did things in our home.

Here are the things I’d like your mom, dad, caregiver, grandparent, aunt, or uncle to know.

There is only one boss in a home and that is the adult.
If a child misbehaves and does something wrong, that does not get the child out of work.
If the child misbehaves you may want to consider the child being given some work. (My husband use to call it the work-duty punishment.) There are always toilets to clean, garbage to take out, and the garage to sweep out or clean.
The punishment should fit the crime. For the child who threw the pillow at the other brother, the punishment could be picking up the pillow, setting the table (the first thing that was asked), and doing the brother’s job – for example, if the brother was supposed to help clear the table.

Unruly Kids – Scenario #2

Here is the scene I want you to think about. You are outside playing with your brother and sister. You walk in and it should be dinner time. You do not smell any food cooking, and there is nothing going on in the kitchen. You go into the living room where you see your parents watching some grown-up movie – something you do not like. Your mom is laying on the couch and your dad is nearby with his feet up. They have plates with only crumbs left. Looks like they are already at dinner. Your mom says, “Can you get me something to drink?” which you do – and you and your siblings look at each other and think – “What is going on?” Then your parents ask you to wash their plates. They don’t say anything to you, and finally, you ask, “Where is dinner?”

Your mom hits mute on the TV pausing their show and looks at you with surprise. “Dinner?”

Your dad says, “Oh, dinner. We already ate, did you do the dishes?” Then he asks your mom to unpause the show.

How would you feel? You would probably be surprised, angry, or upset and shocked. Aren’t you happy that your parents don’t act this way?

**Has there ever been a time when you were selfish like that? Think about it.

The next time you argue over a game, or whose turn it is to do dishes, or do a bad job in cleaning up and leaving crumbs on a table, or refusing to help – think about this, what if your parents did the same thing?

Why don’t parents act like unruly kids?

If you want a peaceful home, one where you get along with your brothers, sisters, cousins, and friends, think about being helpful instead of being harmful. When you fight, when you do something that is wrong (pinch your sister’s arm when no one is looking or shoving someone aside,) how does that look? If you are an unruly kid and you are not corrected you may become an unruly adult. Recently a national event showed an adult accidentally nudging a child over with her elbow. I don’t think it was really on purpose, even though I am not a big fan of this lady, but it looked really, really bad on the replays.

Whatever we do often becomes a habit – if we practice a musical instrument or some type of sport we get better and better. If we practice bad behavior we get better at it too.

Do you want to be good at bad behavior? If you do, then I think you answered yes to #5 above – I enjoy it when people look at me, even if that means I get in trouble. If you need attention get it another way, get it because people are saying, “Oh. My. Goodness. William is so helpful to his mom, he is always asking if he can do something useful. or maybe, Alex is so awesome he brought in his mom’s bags from the car and not just his own.” Or “Did you see Ben, help his little brother Michael with his shoes, that was so wonderful.” Or maybe they said, “Olivia is the nicest sister to her little brother Christopher and they play so well together sharing their toys.” Don’t you want people to talk about you but in a good way?

Do you really want to be an unruly kid? If you said yes, you should listen to this podcast again, and again, and again until you can truly say, “No thank you, I’d rather enjoy my life, not make trouble for other people and have fun with my family.”

So, what do you think? I hope you enjoyed this podcast and it makes you think about how you can really be helpful like my two grandchildren, Emma and Samantha who are wonderful helpers to their mom.