Teaching Your Child Tolerance Episode 421

Teaching tolerance is possible without selling your soul? Too harsh? Okay, how about without compromising your beliefs. We live in a mixed-up world right is wrong and wrong is right. You are allowed to have an opinion if it is the right one. How do we educate our children in our beliefs if we have parameters of what we can and can’t say? In this episode, I tackle this question with some ways to begin the journey into our uncharted world.

Please visit my website at MediaAngels.com and be sure to sign up for our monthly planners. We have new character planners each month, and this month it is on the topic of Tolerance. This planner has some fun activities that you can do with your children and I think parents really appreciate the page with scenarios. I ask the children questions that they can act out or write their answers. They are open-ended. At the end of the month, the children can even earn a character award that is provided. After the month is over you can only get the planners by purchase on the Media Angels website.

When Did Our World Change?

Okay –where do I begin? Many of us feel abandoned. We have been deserted by everyone that we thought we could trust, especially those in authority in our world. The news, politics, our friends, and neighbors, our relatives, and even some of our pastors. It is as if the world has been turned upside down. So, if we teach our children values and teach them to be tolerant of others who may not agree with us, where does that get us? In this volatile culture do we need to teach our children to compromise their beliefs? The word tolerant means to put up with in some way. To put up with noise, or hardship, or annoying people. But does it mean that we have to be accepting of the beliefs of others? One definition is from the American heritage dictionary that says and I quote: tolerance is “The capacity for or the practice of recognizing and respecting the beliefs or practices of others.”

I think we can all agree that that is an even-minded and fair assessment of how we as Christians should be. We can recognize and respect the beliefs and practices of others as their free will and choice before Almighty God, but on the other hand, that means they also need to respect our free will and choices before Almighty God. But that is not what we’re finding in this world. We cannot serve two masters if we have 1 foot in the world trying to please all those around us who disagree with our beliefs, and 1 foot in the spiritual world where truth is compared to the teachings of the Bible and perhaps your particular denomination, well we will find ourselves in a situation where we are on unstable ground.

So now that we’ve determined the problem with is a solution? Here’s a shortlist:

Clarify your beliefs. And explain these to your children.
Explain the difference between tolerance and compromise.
Explain the concept of the line in the sand. What is the point not to be crossed? Is it the value of life from conception to death? Is it social justice? What is the issue that you will not compromise?
Explain when compromise when is possible.
Explain acceptance does not mean agreement.

This just gives you an outline to start with of course you can add more to this, let’s go over each point.

Clarify your beliefs and explain them to your children. Many times, we expect our kids to pick up our beliefs through osmosis. This is an impossibility we must spell things out clearly for kids of all ages. Do you teach them right and wrong is? Do you give them examples of consequences, do you explain how to make good decisions? These are Lessons I am currently working on And hope to have completed it sometime in the near future.
Explain the difference between tolerance and compromise. Tolerance is allowing accepting that we are all different and not bullying or calling someone out for their difference in opinion, and compromise is the ability to make a decision that is agreeable to both people. Compromise and tolerance never allow for allowing your own beliefs to be trampled for the sake of what someone wants you to say.
Explain the concept of the line in the sand. What is the line you will not cross? When do you say no and walk away? This must be clear. Do your children know and understand, and further do they know what to do in these situations? When is compromise not possible?
Explain when compromise is possible. It is for choices, in areas of selecting a game to play or a movie to watch that are all acceptable but might not be a favorite. Basically, it is giving in to what someone wants for the sake of peace and unity. Again, not compromising your ethics or beliefs.
Explain that acceptance or tolerance does not mean you agree. If you tolerate the decision that someone makes that does not mean you agree with them, this is a fine line and children need to again understand what that means. I can tolerate you making noise but that does not mean I want you to make noise, etc.

Our children need to be given scenarios so that they can practice how to talk to people that they disagree within a loving and kind manner. As you may or may not have experienced there is extreme vitriol on social media among those who disagree with a point of view. Since when have we been unable to discuss things rationally?

I think we can give our kids a very simple explanation of people who get very upset when they disagree with your viewpoint. In fact, this possibly happens in your home. Have you given your child instructions about something you want them to do and they get upset and talk loudly and anger? Of course, as parents are tempted to return the reaction with anger. Use these as teaching moments. If your child is the one getting angry you can have them sit until they are calm, and I would highly recommend not sending them away. Kids tend to be put in their rooms and there they become distracted or feed on their anger and continue to think about the injustice in their opinion. The best advice I have is to ask your child why they’re so angry. You’ll be surprised at the answer. And doing this over my many years of parenting I have learned that my children’s concept of why they are in trouble is way different than mine.

The idea here is to look at the way we react when people do not share our opinion. Tolerance can be beningn. I’m going to tolerate a messy room, or loud music, or staying up late. That does not mean I agree it means it’s okay if you want to live in a room where you can’t find anything, not hear anything else but music, or experience tiredness the next day from staying up too late. This tolerance does not compromise faith or morals.

And, that is the bottom line when our constitutional rights starting with the First Amendment are trampled upon for the sake of someone else’s ideal of what is right and just it is time as a people that we look at our own families and begin there before it is too late.