Teen Boys Who Hate School: Causes and Fixes – MBFLP 178

September 5, 2025 by Leave a Comment

teen boys who hate school

Teen Boys Who Hate School? Why It Happens—and What Actually Helps (MBFLP #178)

Episode Details

Do you have a teen boy who drags his feet, loses focus, or declares he’s “just not a school person”? You’re not alone. In this episode of Making Biblical Family Life Practical, Hal & Melanie explain what’s going on under the hood (hello, brain remodeling and hormone surges), why the middle-school “whitewater” years are uniquely bumpy, and how to protect your son’s academic confidence while you guide him toward maturity.

In This Episode

  • Why middle school feels like rapids: emotional swings, social changes, and literal brain remodeling that affect attention, memory, and motivation.

  • Don’t panic (or pivot too fast): why changing schooling methods mid-rapids often doesn’t fix the root causes.

  • Two motivation playbooks:

    • Delight-directed learning (leverage obsessions: raptors, hockey, Minecraft—yes, really)

    • Future-back planning (connect today’s algebra to tomorrow’s career goals)

  • Guard his confidence: how to spot and counter the “I’m stupid” narrative.

  • Adjust your parenting for pre/early teens: new responses for a new developmental stage.

  • Trim to the basics when needed: keep history/science fun while you stabilize the core.

  • Look ahead with hope: boys often hit a mental growth spurt in mid-to-late teens—don’t make permanent decisions at 13.

Key Takeaways

  • Your son isn’t “broken”—he’s remodeling. Expect distractibility and slower recall for a season.

  • Relationship first: show genuine interest in his interests to rebuild trust and buy-in.

  • Make learning relevant: tie daily work to his stated future (college admissions, skilled trades, entrepreneurship, etc.).

  • Preserve confidence at all costs—supervise more, sit beside him, and normalize the struggle.

  • Hope is warranted: what looks impossible at 13 can look remarkable at 17.

Memorable Lines

  • “This isn’t forever—it’s the whitewater stretch in an otherwise smooth river.”

  • “I already know algebra; I’m not doing this for me. You need this tool for your future.”

  • “Don’t set permanent plans in temporary seasons.”

Simple Action Steps This Week

  1. Pick one passion (raptors/Minecraft/skating) and assign a short write-up or mini-project around it.

  2. Future-back: look up program requirements for a dream path and map the math/reading steps backward.

  3. Sit-along math: work with him for a few sessions to steady recall and confidence.

  4. Trim + win: pare to essentials for 1–2 weeks and stack small, quick wins.

Resources Mentioned

 

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Teens, Preteens, and Social Anxiety – MBFLP 263 (Replay)

August 20, 2024 by Leave a Comment

One of the hallmarks of adolescent behavior is social awkwardness, often to the point of anxiety. That’s true in the best of times! Yet here we are after a year of pandemic alarms, mandates, and “abundance of caution,” and you may be finding your young people are not eager to begin seeing people outside the family again. What can we do to help our teens and preteens resume normal, healthy interactions?

Teens and Navigating Adolescence

Navigating adolescence is challenging in the best of times, with social awkwardness often leading to anxiety. For many young people, this awkwardness is a natural part of growing up, but it can become overwhelming, especially after extended periods of social isolation. The past year has been particularly tough, marked by pandemic-related alarms, mandates, and an overwhelming emphasis on “abundance of caution.” As we begin to emerge from this period, you might notice that your teens and preteens are hesitant, if not outright resistant, to reengage with the world beyond the family. The question now is: how can we help our young people regain their social confidence and return to normal, healthy interactions?

First, it’s important to recognize that your child’s reluctance is not unusual. The social disruptions caused by the pandemic have impacted many adolescents’ mental health. According to the Mott Poll Report from March 15, 2021, titled “How the Pandemic has Impacted Teen Mental Health,” there’s been a notable increase in anxiety and stress among teens. This makes the need for supportive interventions even more critical.

Teen Resources

One useful resource to understand this challenge is Dr. Jean Twenge’s book iGen, which explores the characteristics of today’s young generation. Our recent podcast episode delves into this book, highlighting how these traits have been further shaped by the pandemic’s unique pressures. By understanding the broader context of what our teens are experiencing, we can better support them.

In addition to these insights, there are practical ways to ease your child back into social settings. Consider engaging them in creative activities that also involve social interaction, such as those offered by Craftsman Crate. Whether through a subscription, individual boxes, or party packs, Craftsman Crate provides hands-on projects that can help your teens rebuild their confidence while fostering social connections in a low-pressure environment.

By understanding the challenges and offering supportive resources, we can help our teens and preteens navigate this transition and resume healthy social interactions.

Resources We Reference

Our episode reviewing Dr. Jean Twenge’s book iGen about characteristics of our children’s generation

“How the Pandemic has Impacted Teen Mental Health,” Mott Poll Report, 3/15/21

Craftsman Crate by subscription, individual boxes, or party packs

teens

Thank you to our sponsor, CTCMath.com

 

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Teens, Preteens, and Social Anxiety – MBFLP 263

May 21, 2021 by Leave a Comment

One of the hallmarks of adolescent behavior is social awkwardness, often to the point of anxiety. That’s true in the best of times! Yet here we are after a year of pandemic alarms, mandates, and “abundance of caution,” and you may be finding your young people are not eager to begin seeing people outside the family again. What can we do to help our teens and preteens resume normal, healthy interactions?

Resources We Reference

Our episode reviewing Dr. Jean Twenge’s book iGen about characteristics of our children’s generation

“How the Pandemic has Impacted Teen Mental Health,” Mott Poll Report, 3/15/21

Craftsman Crate by subscription, individual boxes, or party packs

Upcoming Events (May-June 2021)

We’ll be speaking at the Thrive! Conference (North Carolinians for Home Education) in Winston-Salem, N.C., on May 27-29, 2021. We’re speaking four times on Thursday and Friday, on parenting pre-teens, helping your struggling learners in high school and college, the challenges of boys and media, and what you can achieve academically with a more relaxed homeschooling approach. And our booth is in the usual spot on the upper level of the book fair!

We’ll also be part of the Homeschooling With Confidence: Unstoppable online event hosted by Home Educators Association of Virginia (HEAV.org). This is going to be a different sort of online event with more interaction with the speakers and with other attendees – we’re looking forward something special with this one!

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Keeping Middle Schoolers Safe Online – MBFLP 209

August 22, 2018 by Leave a Comment

Should your middle schooler be online?
When’s the right time to get your middle schoolers online? Researcher Jean Twenge (iGen) says that people born since 1995–that’s the class just starting to graduate from college, and their younger siblings–have basically grown up with round-the-clock Internet access. It’s not healthy, and it’s causing some specific, traceable problems … and yet, the world our kids are graduating into demands computer literacy … and expects to find a current social media footprint. How can we both protect our younger kids and prepare them for the real world just a few years ahead? This episode, we’ll start the conversation on middle schoolers and the online world …

 

Should your middle schooler be online?

Some Announcements … We are still celebrating the release of our new book, No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope … and we are getting some fantastic first-reader reviews! CLICK HERE to see a sample … or to order your own copy.  Background information: This week’s episode is in response to several of those reviews!

We’re scheduling upcoming events … We’ve recently finished agreements for events in North Carolina, South Carolina, Virginia, and Florida … and we have plans to be in Maryland for a private event, soon, too. CLICK HERE to see our newest plans … and if you’d like to have us speak at your church, retreat, conference, or other event, VISIT OUR SPEAKING EVENT WEBSITE HERE.

Big HELLO to our new listeners on iHeartRadio! Be sure to come here to check out the show notes and links we mention on the air …

So what about middle schoolers and time online?

Dr. Twenge says that studies indicate the average high school senior now spends six hours per day online – including two and a quarter hours in text messaging, alone. Where is this time coming from? She shows that it comes from less time in homework, less time in extracurricular activities, less time working after-school jobs, and much less time just hanging out with friends “in real life.” This is undermining their social and emotional developments in many ways that explain the alarm and hysteria coming from college campuses these days!

There is also some correlation with the rise in teenage mental illness, including self-harming behaviors, and obsessive use of social media.

So it should be obvious that we don’t want to drop our pre-teens into that mix when they are in their most uprooted, emotional, hormonal, and generally unstable time of life. It wouldn’t be wise, it wouldn’t be prudent, and it simply wouldn’t be kind.

Instead, let’s hold off on social media for young people until they’re back on an even emotional keel – maybe 15 or 16. At that point, we recommend starting them off with lots of supervision and advice. Why? Because like it or not, social media has replaced the front porch and casual relationships in church, neighborhood, and community for establishing a basic public reputation. It’s expected. That means we need to coach our young people in appropriate online behavior, just like our parents wager beat casino review or grandparents coached us–what’s appropriate and how we should act where the neighbors can hear or the community can see.

What about other uses of the net?

We need to recognize that the old “electronic babysitter,” the television of our youth, has been supplemented or replaced by Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, and the rest. Screen time is still screen time, with all its differences and similarities. Is there a place for simple entertainment use? Yes, and sometimes you need that “babysitter” – to calm an anxious child quiet in the doctor’s waiting room, or maybe to keep fidgety kids in their seats on long car trips. But let’s be honest about it and recognize it for what it is–don’t just drift into habits we’ll regret.

Meanwhile, think about boundaries and limitations you need to establish, and put them in place early. You’ll get a lot less pushback and complaining if your pre-teens have grown up knowing these boundaries, like accountability software, supervision, and time limits. They’re good guardrails to have, no matter what age you start–just realize it’s easier the earlier you get them in place.

Want to know more about middle schoolers and wisdom in technology use? Check out chapter 7, “Media, Gaming, and Discernment,” in our new book, No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope.

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Teen Boys Who Hate School – MBFLP 178

August 14, 2017 by Leave a Comment

teen boys who hate school

 

Long ago, we noticed a revolving door at the eighth grade – parents who homeschooled their children from the beginning putting their kids into the school system, and public school parents pulling their kids out of the very same pipeline. Maybe the problem isn’t the school, but the student! This episode we talk about early teens who get restless and uncooperative about schoolwork, and some strategies to help everyone get through this struggle!

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