tweens Archives

How to Handle Conflict With Tweens and Teens – MBFLP

January 21, 2026 by Ultimate Homeschool 1 Comment

Dealing With Conflict With Tweens and Teens: Anger, Hormones, and Staying the Adult in the Room

Podcast: Making Biblical Family Life Practical with Hal & Melanie Young
Episode: Dealing With Conflict With Tweens and Teens (replay)

“Is it normal for a nine-year-old boy to be angry?”

In this episode, Hal and Melanie Young respond to a parent’s honest question—with a big backstory behind it. Family stress, pressure, and emotional overload can collide with early puberty changes and create what the Youngs call the “rage monster years.” The good news: while it can feel scary and personal, this season is often normal, predictable, and shepherdable.

You’ll learn how to respond biblically and practically when your tween or teen loses control—without escalating the conflict, losing your authority, or damaging the relationship.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn

Why hormonal emotional changes in boys often begin before physical changes are visible
How to recognize when your child’s anger is developmental vs. intensified by family stress
What to do when your tween/teen starts making wild accusations and blaming you for how they feel
Why parents must avoid “jumping on the roller coaster” and instead become the steady reference point
A practical step-by-step approach to conflict:
- Stay calm
- Pray immediately
- Separate to cool down if needed
- Listen first
- Bring it to God’s Word
- Address disrespect after they’re teachable
Why you “can’t discipline until they are teachable” (discipline as discipleship, not payback)
How modeling repentance and humility can increase respect, not reduce it
The long-term payoff: when you shepherd this stage well, the teen years can be sweet and strong

Key Talking Points

1) “Rage Monster Years” Can Start Earlier Than You Expect

Many parents expect emotional turbulence to begin with obvious puberty markers—but the hardest emotional changes often come first. Knowing this ahead of time helps parents respond with clarity instead of fear.

2) Don’t Take the Bait: Hormonal Anger Creates False Accusations

When kids feel angry for reasons they don’t understand, they instinctively look for a “cause.” Parents become the easiest target. If you respond emotionally, you accidentally validate their narrative.

3) Parents Must Stay Calm and Stay in Charge

Hal and Melanie emphasize that you are the adult in the room. Your child may feel out of control, but they should not be allowed to run the home emotionally. You don’t need your child’s permission to parent—God gave you that responsibility.

4) Don’t Discipline Mid-Meltdown

Correcting disrespect matters—but punishment in the middle of an emotional spiral usually escalates the war. The goal is to cool the fire, remove the fuel, and wait until the child can actually receive instruction.

5) Listen First to Preserve the Relationship

Listening doesn’t mean agreeing. It means showing your child they matter and that the relationship is secure. When you listen, you remove a common weapon: “You don’t care. You never listen.”

6) Take Conflict Back to Scripture

This episode reinforces that God’s Word carries more authority and power than parental frustration. A key reminder: “The wrath of man does not work the righteousness of God.” (James)

Recommended Resources Mentioned

Shepherding a Child’s Heart — Ted Tripp
The Heart of Anger — Lou Priolo

Encouragement for Parents in This Season

This stage can be one of the hardest—especially when family stress is already high. But Hal and Melanie share hope from their own parenting journey: when you shepherd your kids through this time with steadiness, humility, and biblical clarity, you can build a stronger relationship that pays dividends through the teen years.

Listen + Connect

Find more episodes and resources at HalandMelanie.com
Follow on Facebook: Facebook.com/RaisingRealMen and Facebook/HalandMelanie

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Filed Under: Making Biblical Family Life Practical Tagged With: adolescence, anger, Biblical parenting, Christian parenting teens, conflict, Dealing with conflict with teens, discipline vs punishment, early puberty emotions, hormonal boys, parenting, parenting angry kids, parenting through puberty, shepherding a child’s heart, teen disrespect, Teens, tween anger, tweens, youth

Teens, Preteens, and Social Anxiety – MBFLP 263 (Replay)

August 20, 2024 by mediaangels Leave a Comment

One of the hallmarks of adolescent behavior is social awkwardness, often to the point of anxiety. That’s true in the best of times! Yet here we are after a year of pandemic alarms, mandates, and “abundance of caution,” and you may be finding your young people are not eager to begin seeing people outside the family again. What can we do to help our teens and preteens resume normal, healthy interactions?

Teens and Navigating Adolescence

Navigating adolescence is challenging in the best of times, with social awkwardness often leading to anxiety. For many young people, this awkwardness is a natural part of growing up, but it can become overwhelming, especially after extended periods of social isolation. The past year has been particularly tough, marked by pandemic-related alarms, mandates, and an overwhelming emphasis on “abundance of caution.” As we begin to emerge from this period, you might notice that your teens and preteens are hesitant, if not outright resistant, to reengage with the world beyond the family. The question now is: how can we help our young people regain their social confidence and return to normal, healthy interactions?

First, it’s important to recognize that your child’s reluctance is not unusual. The social disruptions caused by the pandemic have impacted many adolescents’ mental health. According to the Mott Poll Report from March 15, 2021, titled “How the Pandemic has Impacted Teen Mental Health,” there’s been a notable increase in anxiety and stress among teens. This makes the need for supportive interventions even more critical.

Teen Resources

One useful resource to understand this challenge is Dr. Jean Twenge’s book iGen, which explores the characteristics of today’s young generation. Our recent podcast episode delves into this book, highlighting how these traits have been further shaped by the pandemic’s unique pressures. By understanding the broader context of what our teens are experiencing, we can better support them.

In addition to these insights, there are practical ways to ease your child back into social settings. Consider engaging them in creative activities that also involve social interaction, such as those offered by Craftsman Crate. Whether through a subscription, individual boxes, or party packs, Craftsman Crate provides hands-on projects that can help your teens rebuild their confidence while fostering social connections in a low-pressure environment.

By understanding the challenges and offering supportive resources, we can help our teens and preteens navigate this transition and resume healthy social interactions.

Resources We Reference

Our episode reviewing Dr. Jean Twenge’s book iGen about characteristics of our children’s generation

“How the Pandemic has Impacted Teen Mental Health,” Mott Poll Report, 3/15/21

Craftsman Crate by subscription, individual boxes, or party packs

Thank you to our sponsor, CTCMath.com

Filed Under: Making Biblical Family Life Practical Tagged With: parenting, preteens, social anxiety, social awkwardness, socialization, Teens, tweens

Teens, Preteens, and Social Anxiety – MBFLP 263

May 21, 2021 by Hal and Melanie Young Leave a Comment

Resources We Reference

Our episode reviewing Dr. Jean Twenge’s book iGen about characteristics of our children’s generation

“How the Pandemic has Impacted Teen Mental Health,” Mott Poll Report, 3/15/21

Craftsman Crate by subscription, individual boxes, or party packs

Upcoming Events (May-June 2021)

We’ll be speaking at the Thrive! Conference (North Carolinians for Home Education) in Winston-Salem, N.C., on May 27-29, 2021. We’re speaking four times on Thursday and Friday, on parenting pre-teens, helping your struggling learners in high school and college, the challenges of boys and media, and what you can achieve academically with a more relaxed homeschooling approach. And our booth is in the usual spot on the upper level of the book fair!

We’ll also be part of the Homeschooling With Confidence: Unstoppable online event hosted by Home Educators Association of Virginia (HEAV.org). This is going to be a different sort of online event with more interaction with the speakers and with other attendees – we’re looking forward something special with this one!

Filed Under: Making Biblical Family Life Practical Tagged With: parenting, preteens, social anxiety, social awkwardness, socialization, Teens, tweens

Keeping Middle Schoolers Safe Online – MBFLP 209

August 22, 2018 by Hal and Melanie Young Leave a Comment

When’s the right time to get your middle schoolers online? Researcher Jean Twenge (iGen) says that people born since 1995–that’s the class just starting to graduate from college, and their younger siblings–have basically grown up with round-the-clock Internet access. It’s not healthy, and it’s causing some specific, traceable problems … and yet, the world our kids are graduating into demands computer literacy … and expects to find a current social media footprint. How can we both protect our younger kids and prepare them for the real world just a few years ahead? This episode, we’ll start the conversation on middle schoolers and the online world …

Some Announcements … We are still celebrating the release of our new book, No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope … and we are getting some fantastic first-reader reviews! CLICK HERE to see a sample … or to order your own copy. Background information: This week’s episode is in response to several of those reviews!

We’re scheduling upcoming events … We’ve recently finished agreements for events in North Carolina, South Carolina, Virginia, and Florida … and we have plans to be in Maryland for a private event, soon, too. CLICK HERE to see our newest plans … and if you’d like to have us speak at your church, retreat, conference, or other event, VISIT OUR SPEAKING EVENT WEBSITE HERE.

Big HELLO to our new listeners on iHeartRadio! Be sure to come here to check out the show notes and links we mention on the air …

So what about middle schoolers and time online?

Dr. Twenge says that studies indicate the average high school senior now spends six hours per day online – including two and a quarter hours in text messaging, alone. Where is this time coming from? She shows that it comes from less time in homework, less time in extracurricular activities, less time working after-school jobs, and much less time just hanging out with friends “in real life.” This is undermining their social and emotional developments in many ways that explain the alarm and hysteria coming from college campuses these days!

There is also some correlation with the rise in teenage mental illness, including self-harming behaviors, and obsessive use of social media.

So it should be obvious that we don’t want to drop our pre-teens into that mix when they are in their most uprooted, emotional, hormonal, and generally unstable time of life. It wouldn’t be wise, it wouldn’t be prudent, and it simply wouldn’t be kind.

Instead, let’s hold off on social media for young people until they’re back on an even emotional keel – maybe 15 or 16. At that point, we recommend starting them off with lots of supervision and advice. Why? Because like it or not, social media has replaced the front porch and casual relationships in church, neighborhood, and community for establishing a basic public reputation. It’s expected. That means we need to coach our young people in appropriate online behavior, just like our parents wager beat casino review or grandparents coached us–what’s appropriate and how we should act where the neighbors can hear or the community can see.

What about other uses of the net?

We need to recognize that the old “electronic babysitter,” the television of our youth, has been supplemented or replaced by Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, and the rest. Screen time is still screen time, with all its differences and similarities. Is there a place for simple entertainment use? Yes, and sometimes you need that “babysitter” – to calm an anxious child quiet in the doctor’s waiting room, or maybe to keep fidgety kids in their seats on long car trips. But let’s be honest about it and recognize it for what it is–don’t just drift into habits we’ll regret.

Meanwhile, think about boundaries and limitations you need to establish, and put them in place early. You’ll get a lot less pushback and complaining if your pre-teens have grown up knowing these boundaries, like accountability software, supervision, and time limits. They’re good guardrails to have, no matter what age you start–just realize it’s easier the earlier you get them in place.

Want to know more about middle schoolers and wisdom in technology use? Check out chapter 7, “Media, Gaming, and Discernment,” in our new book, No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope.

Filed Under: Making Biblical Family Life Practical Tagged With: computer use, middle schoolers, online, parenting, pre-teens, preteens, tweens

Middle School Q & A – MBFLP 208

August 7, 2018 by Hal and Melanie Young Leave a Comment

Nobody told us what to expect … babies and toddlers we read about, and people warned us in hushed tones about the dreadful teen years, but nobody told us, “Just wait till they’re in middle school!” This week on Facebook Live we took questions from parents of pre-teens, asking them “What are you having struggles with?” That’s the meat of this week’s podcast – real live Q&A about dealing with the challenges of tweens!

Whether you call them pre-teens, tweens, middle-schoolers, or something else, your child will go through a transitional period between “clearly a little kid” to “definitely a teenager.” That catches most of us by surprise. Why is that? Probably because we’re anticipating the physical changes – his voice cracks, she starts her cycle, he’s got a proud new whisker, she is starting to get a figure. Before those outward changes appear, there’s a tidal wave of hormones that start the body’s transformation, and those hormones cause all sorts of effects in their thinking, their emotions, and even their spiritual lives.

What’s more important, our families stumble into a relationship minefield at this point. If we don’t recognize what’s happening and handle it right, we can end up with strained, bent, or broken relationships with our pre-teens.

But it’s also an opportunity. If we can come alongside our sons and daughters during this time and give them understanding, guidance, and encouragement – as well as discipleship and discipline when needed – we can lay foundations for a great relationship during the exciting years ahead!

Questions we addressed …

7:21 – They’re so addleheaded in school
11:21 – Highly emotional but lacking in perspective
13:03 – They make wild assertions with no basis in reality
14:16 – The personal challenge of discipleship
14:56 – How to manage a changing school situation
17:37 – What about transitioning to adulthood – even with special needs
20:32 – Suddenly, there’s social anxiety
23:36 – He’s struggling in school and hates it
26:35 – A normally friendly boy growing quiet and withdrawn
28:01 – Tips for overcoming shyness

Resources we recommended …

Our new book, No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope

– Read reviews here

Dianne Craft’s Brain Integration Therapy Manual

Our growing selection of classic, character-building audiobooks

Filed Under: Making Biblical Family Life Practical Tagged With: adolescent, Middle School, parenting, pre-teens, shyness, social anxiety, Struggling Learner, tweens

MBFLP – Dealing with Conflict with Tweens and Teens

June 24, 2014 by Hal and Melanie Young Leave a Comment

How much anger is “normal” for a pre-teen (or a teen)-aged boy? Is there anything to be done about it, or is the best we can do just to hang on and hope they grow out of it? Actually, with our six sons, we’ve seen our share of hormonally-driven outbursts and rage, and we’ve found out that there are Biblically-sound ways to respond to these challenging days, and even turn them into times for discipleship. Tune in for a half hour that may make a difference in your family for years to come!

RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

Shepherding A Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp [available from Shepherd Press]

The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo [available from Grace and Truth Books]

“Boot Camp 9-12” webinar series with Hal and Melanie Young [order from Raising Real Men . com]