Effective Discipline for Teens – MBFLP 261

 

A reader writes, “I need suggestions how to discipline my 14-year-old son.” She’s finding out what we all discover – if you try to discipline your 14-year-old like he was still six, you’re likely to have a fight on your hands! So what do you do with this young person who’s growing so tall, but still needs a lot of guidance and discipleship?

It’s more than behavior management

With younger kids, a great deal of our training is behavior – “Don’t tease the cat,” “Don’t touch the stove,” “Stop hitting your brother!” Tedd Tripp points out that Ephesians 6:1 is fundamental for the younger set: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

And external behavior is important – that’s what hurts others and damages things! But as they move into the early teen years, our children need more coaching and discipleship to reach their deepest need – the condition of their heart. They need to be confronted with Right and Wrong in a larger sense than, “Honor your father and your mother.” When they realize their failing and sin, they are more likely to grasp their need for a Savior!

And when we recognize that their behavior is more than “You’re on my nerves!” but something rooted on their human fallenness … maybe we can be a little more compassionate and not as quick to react.

As they change, we should too

A lot of parent-teen relationships are strained or broken because parents don’t adapt to their young person’s changes. When they reach adolescence, they’re not kids any more! We need to understand they aren’t the little ones we’ve raised so far, but young adults-in-training. We can’t just continue the old discipline models and expect the same response. Appropriate correction for a four-year-old is humiliating, at best, to a 14-year-old.

More and more, we need to move our discipline to adult responses. What does that look like?

Well, consider what happens when we make a mistake or cause an offense as an adult. Are we sent to stand with our nose in the corner until we say we’re sorry? Does our boss or pastor or neighbor give us a sharp swat on the hand? Of course not. Instead, we are likely to experience “natural consequences.”

Gilbert and Sullivan’s comic operetta The Mikado includes the chorus, “Let the punishment fit the crime!” Humor aside, that’s actually quite Biblical. Over and over again in Scripture, you see principles of repentance followed by restitution. We use this as a guide with our teens – if you break it, you fix it – whether it’s a broken toy or a damaged relationship. It’s a hard lesson, but we impress on them that being an adult sometimes means we accept responsibility for things that aren’t strictly our fault. Maybe something happened by accident, or someone took offense by misunderstanding – we still need to step up and try to make things right.

Occasionally the problem isn’t actual sin but rather just high spirits or too much energy. Maybe they really are on your nerves, and that’s most of the problem!

How did Coach handle it?

Sometimes the best correction is just to work it off. How did your high school coach handle it if you were goofing off during practice? What did your drill instructor do at boot camp if you weren’t putting your back into the job?

A bit of strenuous exertion can be a lifesaver here! “Drop and give me ten!” – a call for some push-ups is a good manly punishment for a minor but irritating infraction. You can have them run up and down the stairs, or laps around the back yard. Ask Dad for advice, since he’s probably received similar correction in his time! It’s not offensive or demeaning, but it can use up some energy and help your son focus again.

It’s not supposed to be easy or fun. Hebrews 12:11 says,

Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

 

(continue …)

The most important part

But the most critical thing to remember is the foundation you’re laying for the long term. What sort of relationship are you building with your teenager?

Our relationship with God is more than just crime-and-punishment – that’s part of it and unavoidable, but it’s not the full relationship. If that’s all we know of our heavenly Father, there’s a lot that’s missing!

Likewise with our kids. Of course we’ll have times of conflict or confrontation, but the question will remain – what sort of relationship do we have now, and what sort are we building for tomorrow? … Tune in for practical applications! 

 

Helping Dad Connect With The Kids – MBFLP 259

A reader asks: “How can we help dads connect with their kids?”

Moms seem to naturally connect with little ones – even before they’re born! It’s not so easy for dads, though. More than one has said, “I can’t communicate with this baby – I’ll let Mama handle it until he’s six or seven, and can understand me.”

That may be common but it’s unnecessary and really, it’s giving up precious time in your child’s life. It’s true, you’ll have a different relationship when they reach that age, but that’s true for every age – and the longer you put off your child, the harder it might become to build bridges later.

So what can be done about it?

First off, don’t let it become a source of contention between husband and wife. If she raises the issue, he needs to step back a bit and ask, “Lord, is it true?” rather than getting defensive.

Recognize that “connecting” isn’t magic and mystical – it’s just a matter of spending time and interacting with your kids.

Train yourself to be intentional about “dad time.” Hal used to de-compress on the commute home, trying to mentally close the office door behind him and re-focus his mind on his roles of husband and father when he got home. That’s not obvious when you’re working from home, though – you have to remind yourself to step away from work and notice your family around you.

Practice some self-denial. The world really plays on our natural desire for our own needs and interests. Certainly there’s a need for some rest and recuperation just to keep yourself healthy and strong! But being available for your children’s needs means your own will have to wait sometimes. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit – it should not surprise us that we don’t naturally abound in it! (continued … )

Disciple Like Jesus Did

Take your kids along when you can. The American theologian Jonathan Edwards had eleven kids and responsibility for several churches in colonial New England. Whenever he traveled to another village, he took a child along. Even when they’re very little, Dad can bring along the baby or the toddler when he runs an errand. Take the opportunity to talk with them about what you’re doing – even if they can’t talk back, they’ll grow accustomed to your voice and they’ll learn more than you realize!

Invite your kids into your work. Men seem to communicate better shoulder-to-shoulder – working together on some project. Whatever task comes to hand, ask one of your kids to join you – “Come on, let’s change the oil on the car,” or “Let me show you how to unstop a toilet.” Allow for additional time and distraction; it won’t be as efficient as doing the job solo, but it’s important time for training and relationship. What if they’re not interested? Keep asking, and sometimes, don’t give them the option – just bring them.

Jesus trained His disciples this way – He lived and worked with them, and He explained and asked and answered questions as they came alongside Him in ministry.

And don’t be shy about inviting yourself into their world, either. “Hey there – whatcha building?” “I haven’t read that book – what do you think about it?” Initiate conversations! Ask open ended questions. Assume that they can understand and respond, and see if you can draw them out.

Remember that you can’t schedule a heart’s opening – you have to be there when they’re ready to share. That means the time you invest simply being with your children and interacting with them will open doors and opportunities for deeper conversation and counsel.

HAVE YOU GOT A QUESTION YOU’D LIKE US TO DISCUSS?

Call our Listener Response Line at (919) 295-0321

Quarantine School – It gets better from here! – MBFLP 247


Schools are still out and so’s the jury – could this be a glimpse of your future? To be honest, few people could have dreamed that millions of kids would start learning from home this spring, and nobody consulted the parents whether they felt like giving homeschooling a whirl. The good news is, if you pivot to intentional homeschooling for the fall, you may find it’s much less stress and a lot more interesting. This episode, we’re talking about some of the differences between emergency-level school-at-home and the more routine experience of parent-led home education.



Teaching Your Kids (and yourself) to THINK– MBFLP 238

Have you ever looked at your child and asked, “What were you thinking?” – and then realized that he wasn’t thinking at all? That’s common enough – and to be honest, sometimes it doesn’t improve in adulthood. This episode, Hal is talking about how you can help your kids become more intentional, more aware, more … thoughtful! (And maybe, improve your own thinking skills, too)

The Bible warns against spiritual blindness — we need to be careful about mental blindness in the physical world too. Jesus and the apostles quoted Isaiah and Ezekiel, who said though Israel had eyes to see and ears to hear, they were blind and deaf to spiritual truth right in front of them. (Isaiah 6, Ezekiel 12, Matthew 13, Acts 28, Romans 11) And honestly we often are nearly as clueless about the physical world, aren’t we?

We can help our kids focus a little better on common blind spots like:

  • Figuring out where to start with a big task
  • Organizing a task for fastest and quickest improvement
  • Finding something when it’s right where you said it was
  • Finding something when it’s close but not exactly where you said
  • Giving an honest try before giving up
  • Learning logical troubleshooting skills

Hal shares lessons he learned from more than twenty years in the military, manufacturing, and utilities – and lessons we try to teach our kids now!


Thank you to our Sponsor – A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood Movie!

Tom Hanks portrays Mister Rogers in A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, a timely story of kindness triumphing over cynicism, based on the true story of a real-life friendship between Fred Rogers and journalist Tom Junod. After a jaded magazine writer (Emmy winner Matthew Rhys) is assigned a profile of Fred Rogers, he overcomes his skepticism, learning about kindness, love and forgiveness from America’s most beloved neighbor.

Teaching “Adulting” – MBFLP 234

 

Studies show that young adults are often not prepared for adult independence. Psychologists say the current generation is growing up slowly, and some even say “Twenty-five is the new fifteen”!* But if our parents and grandparents were functioning adults at 18 or 20, why can’t our kids be the same? This episode we’re talking about how to teach adult skills intentionally to our teenagers – and what to do if they graduated before you were done teaching!


Join us for a free relationship builder!

CLICK HERE for more information!


College Success

Finish Well Radio Show, Podcast #087, College Success with Meredith Curtis on the Ultimate Homeschool Radio NetworkCollege Success

In College Success, episode #087, Meredith Curtis talks about how to thrive, not just survive in college. Whether you are dual enrolling, commuting, or moving to another state for your college years, you will appreciate this practical, encouraging advice. You can excel academically and stay strong in your faith!

 

 

 

 


Proverbs 1:5 by Laura Nolette and Powerline Productions, Inc.

Powerline Productions, Inc.

Being World Changers, Raising World Changers!

We offer books and ebooks to help you homeschool to the Glory of God!

 

 


Show Notes

My College Story

  • New Christian
  • First Bad Grade
  • Nursing Major (starting new curriculum junior year)
  • IV, Christian Fellowship, Making Disciples
  • Close Relationship with my Grandparents

What is College Success to You?

Picture Yourself at the End of College.

Priorities

Your Life Reflects Your Priorities.

Your Priorities Reflect Your Purpose.

What are you living for?

What does your life say?

Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing

  • Put God first always. Matthew 6:33, Psalm 127.
  • Stay plugged into a local church. Never neglect your family. College is one season; family lasts forever.
  • Connect with godly, genuine Christians on campus.
  • Stay pure; constantly cleanse your mind. Set your standards now and refuse to lower them.
  • Know the Word and Biblical Truth.
  • Know why you believe what you believe.
  • Know the world’s philosophies and learn to evaluate everything by the Truth.

Ruling and Reigning in Academics

Time Management and Scheduling are probably the biggest factors to academic success…even more than brains!!!!

Study Time and Study Habits

Make the Most of this Opportunity. Get the Best Education You Can.

Keys to Success

  • Working hard pays off.
  • Write Well:clear arguments, analysis, organization, complete sentences
  • Read Well: find main points, underline, take notes in margins
  • Take advantage of all your professors offer.

More Than Just Classes

  • Life Preparation & Career Exploration
  • Lifelong friendships!
  • Athletics, clubs, etc.: Choose wisely!
  • Build relationships with your professors.
  • Seize academic opportunities
  • Internships
  • Study Abroad
  • Workshops, networking, and more

Making Disciples in College

Witnessing in the Classroom

They are falling away like flies. Maybe just need to hear one person speak up.

Don’t be intimidated. Walk in your authority in Christ.

Gospel first; everything else second.

Remember they are broken sinners inside for all their pride.

Always learn from your mistakes.

Win them over. C.S. Lewis tactic: start from their side and lead to yours. Live your faith WELL! Respect others.

Pray for those who will be in your class!!! I have done this every single semester.

Outside the Classroom

Intentional relationships for evangelism.

Sit with new people at lunch and share the Gospel.

Pursue with love. Serve. Text. Pray for them.

Invite to coffee or lunch.

Join groups specifically for evangelism.

Learn how to turn conversations to Christ. Know some good questions!

Learn a basic Gospel presentation or two and get comfortable with it.

Be part of a VIBRANT CHURCH to be your net!!!

Start Now Being the Kind of Person You Need to Be

 

Worldview Podcasts

Finish Well Radio, Podcast #070, What Is Your Worldview?

Finish Well Radio, Podcast #070, What Is Your Worldview?

Finish Well Radio, Podcast #071, When Worldviews Collide

Finish Well Radio, Podcast #071, When Worldviews Collide

Resources

Unlocking the Mystery of Homeschooling High School by Meredith Curtis and Laura NoletteCareer Choices and the College Decision by Meredith CurtisCommunications 101:Essays and Speeches High School ClassAmerican Literature & ResearchWorldview Understanding the Times by Meredith CurtisGreat Commission Course by Meredith CurtisReal Men 103: LeadershipA Wise Woman Builds by Meredith Curtis

 

 

 

Discipline Without Breaking Their Spirit – MBFLP 202

Kids need discipline, and in fact, God tells us that a child who doesn’t receive discipline has been rejected by his parents! (Hebrews 12) Discipline, after all, is discipleship – it’s meant to teach, not just punishBut there are good and very bad ideas for administering the needed correction to our kids. How can you discipline your child without breaking their spirit? That’s what we’re talking about this episode.



What Tree Roots Taught Me About My Children’s Sin

What Tree Roots Taught Me About My Children's Sin

There is no such thing as small sin. Every act of rebellion, no matter the size, should be handled swiftly and purposefully.  If sin is not taken out by the root, it will continue to grow and expand eventually threatening to overtake your child’s heart. We never intend to allow sin to grow in our children’s hearts but there are 3 common ways this can happen. Listen in to this important message to help cultivate a heart free from sin.

 

Links:

Three Ways You Allow Sin to Grow In Y our Child’s Heart

Talking Mom2Mom Website

Watching With Discernment – MBFLP 133

MBFLP 133 - Watching With Discernment - H

Hebrews 5:12-14 tells us that a mature believer is able to discern right and wrong, good from evil, because he has had practice evaluating them both and learning which one to choose. This summer, as we get out our students’ reading lists and look at the summertime movie offerings, we need to ask ourselves – are we teaching our young people to consider and discern? Or are we continuing to shelter and shield our young adults so they are never confronted with “grey area” situations – until they’re out of our homes and out of our guidance? This episode we look at ways to train our teens to ask the right questions and make the right choices about books, music, movies, and more —

 

This program is brought to you in part by
Schoolhouse Teachers banner-468x60Click here for more information!

MBFLP 116 – The Power of Examples

The New Testament talks a lot about the power of examples for teaching believers the Christian walk. Paul talked about it, Peter talked about it, James talked about it, and most of all, Jesus talked about it. This episode, we take a look at how incredibly important it is to have good examples in a believer’s life – and to become the example for others.

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS

03:05 – The Bible talks about examples frequently
04:43 – Our own lives should be exemplary
05:34 – Examples demonstrate how to apply principles to real life
06:45 – Our children need examples for their own understanding
07:46 – “Do as I say, do not as I do!”
10:41 – Kids need to see examples beyond just their parents’
12:57 – The greatest Example of them all
15:28 – How this can effect sibling rivalry
18:13 – Schooling, discipleship, and Jesus’ method
20:00 – Our kids need opportunities to actually apply the examples we give them
21:42 – Don’t overlook good examples outside of Scripture, too
23:58 – The need to explain, not just show