How to Build an Unbreakable Bond with Your Child

April 13, 2026 by Leave a Comment

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Strengthen the parent child bond with practical tips and ideas to improve communication and foster trust in relationships.Creating an Unbreakable Bond with Your Child (Secret Code Time)

Podcast: Vintage Homeschool Moms
Host: Felice Gerwitz
Network: Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network

Sponsored by CTCMath.com

Episode Summary

How do you build a strong, lasting connection with your child—especially when communication feels strained?

In this episode, Felice Gerwitz shares a powerful and practical concept called “Secret Code Time”—a simple, intentional way to create safe, judgment-free conversations with your kids. Inspired by the book Secret Code Time, this strategy helps parents foster trust, improve communication, and strengthen relationships at any age.

Whether your child is talkative or reserved, young or a teen, this episode offers encouragement and actionable steps to help you reconnect.

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If you’re new to Vintage Homeschool Moms, you might also enjoy these episodes:

Homeschool Lifestyle
Last Minute DIY Tips
Money Saving Field Trips
All About Teaching
Raising Spiritually Strong Kids
Six Homeschooling Insider Tips
Best Staycations for Kids
Avoid Curriculum Pitfalls
Top 10 Parenting Secrets
45 Family Date Night Ideas

Key Takeaways

  • It’s never too late to repair or strengthen your relationship with your child
  • Daily expressions of love build trust and emotional security
  • Kids need a safe space where they can talk without fear of judgment or punishment
  • Listening (not fixing) is the most important part of communication
  • Small, consistent moments together matter more than big events

What Is “Secret Code Time”?

“Secret Code Time” is a designated, intentional moment between parent and child where:

  • The child can share openly
  • The parent listens without interrupting, correcting, or disciplining
  • There is no fear of gossip, shame, or immediate consequences

This time can be triggered by a simple phrase like:
👉 “It’s Secret Code Time”

Some families even personalize it with a number, phrase, or inside joke.

How to Implement Secret Code Time

1. Create a Safe Environment

Let your child know:

  • They won’t get in trouble during this time
  • You’re there to listen, not lecture

2. Listen First, Respond Later

Avoid:

  • “You should have…”
  • “Why didn’t you…”

Instead:

  • Listen fully
  • Ask if they want feedback afterward

3. Keep It Simple

Secret Code Time can happen:

  • In the car
  • While running errands
  • During a walk
  • Over dessert or coffee

4. Make It Your Own

There’s no perfect formula—adapt it to your family rhythm.

Tips for Families with Multiple Kids

  • Rotate one-on-one time (even short moments count)
  • Pair time with everyday tasks (like cooking together)
  • Use a simple schedule if needed
  • Allow both spontaneous AND planned connection time

Faith & Parenting Connection

Felice emphasizes modeling faith through:

  • Daily prayer with and for your children
  • Demonstrating honesty and integrity
  • Living out your beliefs (not just teaching them)

Children learn more from what they see than what they’re told.

Understanding Your Child’s Heart

  • Take fears seriously—even if they seem small
  • Be present and comforting (“Jesus with skin on”)
  • Limit overstimulating media before bed
  • Replace fear with connection, not dismissal

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it too late to build a relationship with my teen?

No. It may take more effort, but consistent love and intentional time can rebuild trust.

What if my child doesn’t want to talk?

Start small. Consistency and safety will eventually open the door.

Should Secret Code Time be scheduled or spontaneous?

Both work. Use what fits your lifestyle and your child’s needs.

What if my child shares something serious?

Listen first. Address the issue later when emotions are calm.

 

Related Resources

  • Media Angels
  • Vintage Homeschool Moms Podcast
  • Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network

Final Encouragement

Strong relationships aren’t built in one big moment—they’re built in small, consistent, intentional ones.

Start today. Keep it simple. Just listen. 💛

Handout for this Episode: Handout Vintage-SecretCodeTime_FeliceGerwitz

 

 

 

 

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Teaching “Adulting” – MBFLP 234 (New Year Replay)

December 30, 2025 by Leave a Comment

Join us as we discuss adulting: teaching essential skills for independence and preparing young adults for real-life challenges.Teaching Adulting: How to Prepare Teens for Real-Life Responsibility (Replay)

Studies show that young adults are often not prepared for adult independence. Psychologists say the current generation is growing up slowly, and some even say “Twenty-five is the new fifteen”!* But if our parents and grandparents were functioning adults at 18 or 20, why can’t our kids be the same? This episode we’re talking about how to teach adult skills intentionally to our teenagers – and what to do if they graduated before you were done teaching!

Podcast: Making Biblical Family Life Practical
Hosts: Hal & Melanie Young
Episode: Teaching Adulting (Replay)

How do you help your kids move from being cared for… to being capable?

In this replay episode, Hal and Melanie Young tackle a growing concern among parents: many teens and young adults are leaving home without the basic skills needed for adulthood—not because parents don’t care, but because they were never shown how to make the transition.

From chores and budgeting to decision-making and responsibility, this episode offers practical, biblical guidance for raising competent, confident adults—without fear, guilt, or burnout.

Why “Adulting” Doesn’t Happen Automatically

Hal and Melanie discuss how modern parenting often removes obstacles for children with good intentions—but unintended consequences. When parents do everything, kids miss the chance to learn:

  • How to manage money and pay bills

  • How to work for pay and value responsibility

  • How to cook, clean, and care for themselves

  • How to make decisions—and live with the results

Research shows fewer teens today are working, driving, or taking on household responsibilities than in previous generations—leaving many unprepared for independence.

When Adulting Should Start (Hint: It’s Earlier Than You Think)

Adulting doesn’t begin at 18—it begins in the preteen and teen years.

Key practices discussed in this episode include:

  • Giving meaningful, skill-building chores (not just “feed the dog” tasks)

  • Teaching teens to cook full meals, do laundry, and manage a household

  • Encouraging initiative rather than nagging

  • Allowing teens to make decisions while consequences are still manageable

These steps don’t overwhelm kids—they equip them.

Coaching Teens Through Real-Life Responsibilities

One of the most powerful lessons in this episode is the idea of side-by-side training, not sudden independence.

Hal and Melanie explain how to:

  • Walk teens through paying bills before handing them full responsibility

  • Teach budgeting, due dates, and financial prioritization

  • Gradually transfer responsibility while staying available to coach

  • Let teens experience appropriate consequences without abandonment

This mirrors the biblical model of discipleship—watch, do together, then do independently.

What Skills Should Teens Have Before Leaving Home?

The Youngs encourage parents to intentionally ask:

“What do we want our kids to be able to do when they leave our home?”

Some essentials discussed:

  • Driving safely and confidently

  • Cooking real meals (not just reheating food)

  • Managing money and paying bills

  • Doing laundry and basic home care

  • Making appointments and advocating for themselves

  • Changing a tire and handling basic emergencies

These aren’t extreme expectations—they’re life skills.

A Biblical Perspective on Maturity and Practice

Hal connects adulting skills to Hebrews 5:14, reminding parents that maturity comes through practice, not protection from every challenge.

True preparation means:

  • Teaching discernment

  • Allowing responsibility

  • Coaching through mistakes

  • Building confidence through experience

This isn’t about control—it’s about discipleship.

Encouragement for Parents Who Feel Behind

If you’re thinking, “We haven’t done this well,” this episode offers hope.

It’s not too late to:

  • Start teaching life skills

  • Walk your teen through responsibilities

  • Shift from managing to mentoring

Adulting is taught by doing adult things—together, then independently.

🎧 Listen to the full episode to hear real-life examples, biblical wisdom, and practical steps you can start using right away.

For more encouragement and resources, visit HalandMelanie.com or follow Hal and Melanie on social media through Raising Real Men.

Filed Under: Making Biblical Family Life Practical Tagged With: , , , ,

Teaching Teens the Value of Hard Work

June 25, 2025 by Leave a Comment

Teaching teens a solid work ethic doesn’t happen by accident. In this episode, Matt and Charla explore how to raise responsible, motivated teens by modeling, expecting, and rewarding hard work—without turning every chore into a paycheck.🎙️ INAM 25-24 Summary

Teaching Teens the Value of Hard Work

In this episode, Matt and Charla bust the myth that teens will “just get” a work ethic.
Spoiler alert: They won’t.
Work ethic is taught, modeled, and experienced—it takes intentional parenting, not crossed fingers and good vibes.

🔎 What We Dig Into:

1. Hard work isn’t natural—it’s learned.
Teens aren’t lazy, they’re just inexperienced. If they’ve never had to work for something, they won’t magically know how to when it counts.

2. They value what they earn.
When teens hustle for something, they care more about it. That shiny new thing feels different when it’s the result of sweat equity.

3. Chores ≠ Jobs.
Chores are unpaid, non-negotiable, and part of being in a family. You live here, you contribute—no negotiations required.

4. Allowance is a tool, not a wage.
Don’t pay for chores. Instead, treat allowance like a soccer ball—it’s practice gear for building money skills.
➡️ Need a refresher? Revisit episodes 25-07 and 25-08.

5. “Wants” are work opportunities.
If your teen wants more than the basics—great! That’s a work-for-want moment. Don’t fund the wish. Fund the hustle. Charla’s got a full list of job ideas on the blog (link below).

6. Real-life job ideas we love:

  • Organizing junk drawers

  • Shoveling snow

  • Hauling mulch

  • “Wee Haul” – a weekly bin-rolling biz

  • Raking leaves after a storm

Opportunities are everywhere—if they’re willing to look.

7. Not willing to work for it?
Then it may not be worth your money either. That’s part of the growing-up lesson: prepare before the opportunity, not after it arrives.

👪 Quick Recap for Parents:

✅ Require chores – cost of family membership
💰 Provide allowance – practice tool for financial literacy
🛠️ Offer paid projects – real-world training for work ethic

🔗 Connect With Us:

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You Can’t Cram for Adulthood

June 18, 2025 by Leave a Comment

You can’t cram for adulthood! In this episode, Charla and her daughter Kate share real-life teen finance lessons and tips to launch kids with confidence.🎙️ INAM 25-23: You Can’t Cram for Adulthood

Listen to all of the It’s Not About Money Podcast episodes here.

In this sentimental (and slightly hilarious) episode, Charla welcomes a very special guest—her daughter Kate.

As Kate prepares to launch into college life, the two reflect on the long runway of life lessons that shaped her independence—and why you can’t wait until senior year to teach kids how to adult.

From budgeting and banking basics to managing a credit card and handling group money for school events, Kate shares how growing up in a “learning by doing” household made all the difference. (Yes, there were spreadsheets. But also freedom—and room to make mistakes while the stakes were still low.)

Together, Charla and Kate unpack the myth that kids just magically “mature” when they turn 18. Spoiler alert: they don’t. They need practice, not pressure.

You’ll hear how Kate:

  • Learned to budget naturally

  • Reconciled her bank account monthly

  • Requested reimbursements like a boss

  • Navigated the wild world of credit cards

…all before setting foot on a college campus.

Whether your child is in middle school or on the brink of graduation, this episode is packed with real talk from a teen and actionable takeaways for parents who want to launch their kids with confidence.

💡 Key Takeaways

  • Adulthood isn’t a cram session—it’s a long game.

  • Give teens responsibility with their money, not just cash.

  • Let them manage real tools (banking, budgeting, credit) with guidance.

  • Normalize financial conversations at home—early and often.

🔗 Connect With Us
📘 Charla’s Blog: beyondpersonalfinance.com/our-blog
📬 Subscribe: beyondpersonalfinance.com/subscribe-1
📚 Explore Our Curriculum: beyondpersonalfinance.com

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Adulting Is Not Optional – How to Raise Capable, Confident Kids

May 7, 2025 by Leave a Comment

In this episode of It’s Not About Money, Matt and Charla share how to prepare teens for adulthood through real-life skills—not just academics. Discover how chores, responsibility, and mindset shifts can raise confident, capable kids.INAM 25-18 Summary: Adulting Is Not Optional – How to Raise Capable, Confident Kids

In this episode of It’s Not About Money, Matt and Charla tackle a growing parenting challenge—how to raise kids who are prepared for adulthood before they leave the house.
From household chores to job interviews, this episode unpacks what it really takes to help teens grow into confident, competent adults.

Too many parents focus solely on academics, unintentionally skipping the everyday life skills that make all the difference in the real world. Charla and Matt call out the danger of protecting kids too much and share how small responsibilities now can build the confidence needed for the future.

With humor (and a few “Montana homestead” confessions), they get honest about how trying to delay adulthood can backfire—and why folding laundry, cooking dinner, and filling out forms are not optional life skills.

Key Topics Covered:

1. The Myth of the 18th Birthday Magic Wand
Adulthood doesn’t begin with a cake and candles. Kids need to be building real-world skills before they leave home.

2. The Confidence-Responsibility Connection
Charla explains why confidence grows by doing hard things—consistently and over time.

3. The Language Shift That Changes Everything
Stop saying “Can you help me?” Start saying “It’s your turn.” Words matter.

4. Real-World Exposure Matters
From chores to jobs outside the home, kids need practice being accountable to people who aren’t their parents.

Call to Action:

→ Start small: assign one daily task your child is fully responsible for.
→ Shift your mindset: you’re not just running a household—you’re raising an adult.
→ Follow us on social and share how your family is preparing for adulting.

Connect With Us:

Charla’s blog: https://beyondpersonalfinance.com/our-blog
Subscribe: https://beyondpersonalfinance.com/subscribe-1
Explore our curriculum: https://beyondpersonalfinance.com

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Preparing Your Teens for Life After Homeschool – MBFLP 205 (Replay)

March 10, 2025 by Leave a Comment

Most parents are told to brace for the teen years—but what if we’ve been underestimating them? Discover how responsibility unlocks confidence, leadership, and success in teenagers. Learn why real-world responsibility prepares them for adulthood like nothing else.

The Remarkable Potential of Teenagers

Most parents today are told to brace themselves for the teenage years. “It’s going to be tough,” they hear. “Just survive it.” But deep down, many of us suspect something different—that our teens are capable of more than the world expects.

And we’re right.

Teenagers don’t have to be reckless, self-absorbed, or lost. History proves otherwise. Some of the greatest minds, leaders, and innovators took on real responsibility as teens. What if, instead of lowering the bar, we raised our expectations? What if we equipped them to step up, take charge, and lead?

We never expected to test this theory in our own home—until we had no other choice.

When Teens Take the Lead

The oncologist looked at Hal skeptically.

“Well,” he conceded, “if you feel up to it, you can travel. And you can speak from the platform. But you can’t stand around shaking hands afterward—your immune system is going to be completely shot.”

The biopsy results were in: advanced lymphoma. Hal was about to start chemotherapy. Travel was a concession; avoiding crowds was non-negotiable.

We barely had time to process the news before our teenagers spoke up.

“Don’t worry, Dad—we’ll take care of the book fair!”

They were 16, 14, and 12. Could they really handle it? We weren’t sure. But at that moment, we didn’t have a choice. Hal was sidelined, and I would be busy counseling and praying with parents. If our teens were willing, then our teens would take the lead.

And it made all the difference.

Don’t Underestimate Teenagers

So many parents brace for the teen years like a storm. Batten down the hatches! Duck and cover! But history tells a different story.

📌 Laura Ingalls Wilder was teaching school before she turned 16.
📌 John Quincy Adams became the sole translator for America’s embassy in Russia at age 14.
📌 Paul Tripp calls it “The Age of Opportunity.”

The question isn’t why should we expect more from teenagers—it’s why aren’t we?

That book fair became a turning point in our family. What started as a necessity turned into a tradition. Ever since that day, our teenagers and their younger siblings have run our booth and many aspects of our travel.

👉 They shoo us into the aisles: “Go talk with the parents that need help—we’ve got this.”
👉 They load, unload, set up, and manage.
👉 They interact with customers of all ages—whether polite or combative.
👉 They take turns overseeing the booth and younger siblings, passing down skills as they go.

And sometimes, they challenge us.

One of our sons made it a personal mission to master driving our 15-passenger van and trailer—threading through night-time traffic in Phoenix, backing into tight spots, and maneuvering one-lane roads. Hal had to step up just to keep from calling his 16-year-old for help!

Over time, our teens became more than just helpers—they became partners in our ministry.

From Responsibility to Remarkable Futures

Because they were involved, they saw needs we hadn’t considered.

🛠️ “We need something to keep younger kids occupied while you talk to their parents,” they told us.
🛠️ We challenged them to brainstorm ideas—and they did. They researched suppliers, found products, and expanded our offerings.

The results?

✔ Our 13-year-old who played the biggest role at our booth? He majored in entrepreneurship and secured venture capital before graduating college.
✔ Another teen became a freelance journalist at 17, writing investigative pieces for a statewide magazine.
✔ One taught himself guitar and mandolin, joined a bluegrass band, and played alongside musicians decades older than him. His bandmates teased, “I’ve got blue jeans older than you, Curly.” He’d grin and reply, “But I’ve got more hair than all of you combined.”

What made the difference?

We didn’t just give them responsibilities. We encouraged them to step up.

By the time they left for college, they weren’t starting to take on responsibility—they’d already been leading for years. The result? They were confident, capable, and unafraid to seize new opportunities.

Expect More from Your Teen

The world will tell you that teenagers are a liability. History—and experience—prove otherwise.

If we give them the chance, they’ll take ownership, develop skills, and step into adulthood ready.

Want to see how?

Want to read more? CLICK HERE!

Special Thanks to Our Network Sponsor – Judson College

Judson College offers biblical and practical training wherever a student is called, equipping them to live all of life for Christ.

Judson College at Southeastern

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7 Ways to Make Your Teens Miserable, Interview with Kathie Morrissey

December 8, 2020 by Leave a Comment

This week on Homeschool Highschool Podcast: 7 Ways to Make Your Teens Miserable, Interview with Kathie Morrissey.

7 Ways to Make Your Teens Miserable, Interview with Kathie Morrissey

7 Ways to Make Your Teens Miserable, Interview with Kathie Morrissey

Kathie and Vicki recently met, although Kathie has been around for a long time with her Character Corner website. Vicki was excited to find another homeschool mom who shared a fun sense of humor while taking homeschooling seriously. She had to be serious about homeschooling: she homeschooled her eight children all the way through graduation. That’s thirty-one years of homeschooling! (Her youngest graduated four years ago.)

Kathie spends a lot of time with her fifteen grandkids now. She enjoys trying to keep their names straight! In non-COVID holidays, they have lots of fun and noise together (as well as day to day life.)

Kathie began the Character Corner back in the 1990s (that is a LONG time ago). She has always shared resources she used and enjoyed, as well as creating curriculum for younger homeschoolers. Kathie enjoys sharing character development without being preachy or legalistic.

We had some fun discussing things NOT to do while homeschooling high school! (We know our 7th Sisters don’t really needed to be reminded, though!)

Here are 7 ways to make your teens miserable!

Being too controlling with your teens.

It often backfires if we homeschooling parents try to over-control our teens. While our kids needed a lot of control when they are very young, we want to them to develop self-control and God-control by the time they are adolescents.

It can be hard, as parents, to back off or ease off when we are used to being protective (and developmentally appropriate).

However, backing off can protect our teens hearts. SO here are the 7 things to NOT do.

Being the mom of teens requires lots of listening.

Don’t treat your teens with respect

If a parent talks over, over corrects or criticizes their homeschool high schoolers, they are being disrespectful and unloving. As parents, we need to do more listening and less critiquing. Allow them to share ideas and the feelings in their hearts. For more on realistic expectations, check out Sabrina’s talk on this Homeschool Highschool Podcast episode.

Fear our teens’ questions

If a parent is afraid of our teens questions. Part of adolescence is asking hard questions, even about faith, family values and politics. Listen and wait. For more on having hard conversations with teens, check out this Homeschool Highschool episode.

Never being happy with their decisions

If we spend all of our energy preventing our teens’ goofy decisions, we will break their spirits. We want to encourage them, ask questions, trust them and sometimes allow them to make mistakes.

This develops our faith in God, our trust in God.

Criticize them to their siblings

Bad idea! There’s nothing more hurtful to hear a parent complaining about them to their sibling (or anyone else). Bring your complaints to God, spouse and the teen. Work it out. This develops the fruit of the Spirit self-control in us moms. (You have probably noticed how homeschooling “helps” us developed so much fruit of the Spirit.)

Don’t bother to make our teens feel accepted

Sometimes parents, in easing off with their teens, might forget to stay connected with them. Teens, like all children, thrive on acceptance but even more so because they are in years of growth and change so often feel insecure about themselves. They crave knowing their parents’ unconditional love. So try not to slip into constant criticism.

Parents can show acceptance in actions and in words. (Think about love languages.)

While we parents have the pressure of making sure our homeschool high schoolers have marvelous transcripts, we never want them to feel like that is our primary objective in parenting.

Act as if helping them is a BIG inconvenience

Sometimes we parents are tired, for goodness sake. If we sigh and act inconvenienced if our teens need a ride to a friend’s house or activity, they will feel de-valued and hurt. There is a balance, of course, so plan together as a family (but allow some reasonable spontaneous activities). Someday, they will all be grown and maybe we can catch up on some rest!

Treat people outside the home with more kindness than the folks at home

You know the drill, fussing all the way to church and then walking into church with smiles on our faces. Teens are over that!

This can be hard for us moms. Motherhood is such a character developing experience!

BONUS Reason: Don’t have a relationship with them but give advice anyway

Relationship building requires time and attention. It requires a lot of intentionality for busy moms and busy teens. But as we build in the relationship, we earn the right to give advice when appropriate.

Some of the ways Kathie invested in her homeschool high schoolers included:

Make availability time (that means, stopping what we are doing when they have something on their minds). It’s great that our teens want to talk to us! Stop, make eye contact and listen as often as possible.

Try to be fun- at least put a smile on your face by faith. (Teens don’t want to hang around a grumpy mom…and it’s hard to see God in a grumpy mom.)..

For more ideas, Vicki shared about How to Build a Strong Relationship with Your Teens in this post at Character Corner.

Join Vicki and Kathie Morrissey for a fun discussion on ways to make teens miserable 🙂

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7 Ways to Make Your Teens Miserable, Interview with Kathie Morrissey

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Emphasizing Relationships with Your Teens, Interview with Connie Albers

February 14, 2020 by Leave a Comment

This week on Homeschool Highschool Podcast: Emphasizing Relationships with Your Teens, Interview with Connie Albers.

Emphasizing Relationships with Your Teens, Interview with Connie Albers. Build relationships over enforcing rules to help your teens fulfill who God made them to be. #HomeschoolHighSchoolPodcast #ConnieAlbers #RelationshipsBeforeRules #ParentingTeens

Emphasizing Relationships with Your Teens, Interview with Connie Albers

We are so excited this week to be joined by a special friend, Connie Albers. Connie is a homeschool mom and leader, guest on Focus on the Family and author of a parenting book that we love: Parenting Beyond the Rules: Raising Teens with Confidence and Joy.

As you may have noticed, we 7Sisters do not talk often about parenting philosophies. There are several reasons for this:

  • There’s not one kind of child or teen
  • There’s not one kind of parent
  • There’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of parenting philosophy, in our opinion

The lovely thing about Connie’s book, Parenting Beyond the Rules, is that she is not offering a philosophy, simply a discussion about the necessity of emphasizing relationships when raising teens. When we read her book, we felt like she was reading our thoughts. We 7Sisters have always said what our friend and fellow podcaster, Melanie Wilson at Homeschool Sanity, always says: relationship over rules!

Connie Albers

Connie Albers
Photo used with permission.

So, we asked Connie if she would join us for a discussion about the importance of relationship building with our teens. Join us for an inspiring interview.

Connie homeschooled her five kids through graduation (including several years of having five teens at the same time). Connie found that her teens rarely jumped out of bed happy and chomping at the bit to do their calculus lessons. But, Connie found a few secrets that helped her and her teens through these years:

She found that when you prioritize relationships through coming to know:

  • our teens’ temperament
  • the heart of our teens
  • what’s going on around them
  • then, there is less grumpiness and rebellion!

Emphasizing relationships is not easy. It takes longer to walk along beside teens. Concepts and life in general, is harder for adolescents. Teens often doubt themselves. It is easy for them to think they were standing in the wrong lane when smarts were handed out.

You have the job to discover, develop and cultivate the gifts God has given each teen, so that they can be the person God has made them to be (not to be their brother, or mother, or friend).

You have the job to discover and cultivate the gifts that God has given each teen. Connie Albers shares how to emphasize relationships to develop teens' gifts. #HomeschoolHighSchoolPodcast #ConnieAlbers #ParentingTeens #BuildingRelationshipsWithTeens

How can you discover and develop your teen’s gifts? Connie suggests:

  • Observe the little things your teens do
    • Become a student of your teen.
    • Connie kept a notebook on each kid where she jotted down interesting observations. She found that over time, these observations helped her help her kids discover their gifts.
  • Notice what your teen could spend all day (even skip lunch because it is so interesting)
    • What are the paths of their curiosity?
    • What are their interests? Daydreams? Wondering?
  • Plant seeds of possibilities
    • I noticed this about you…
  • Reframe personality glitches, to help them work towards good rather than glitches
    • Words need to fall into a tender place in your teens’ heart
    • Show them the positives and negatives of personality styles
  • Help them find places to use these gifts for God’s glory and relationship building
    • Let them know you believe in them and are encouraging them all
    • This infuses them with determination to dig deeper and build courage

You as a parent, become your teens’ scientist and their guide.

Teen years are sometimes challenging, they are doing the hard job of growing up. #HomeschoolHighSchoolPodcast #ConnieAlbers #ParentingTeens #BuildingRelationshipsWithTeens

Teen years are sometimes challenging. They are trying to push back sometimes because they are doing the hard job of growing up. They are trying to find:

  • When can I assert myself?
  • When can I say something snarky and it not be disrespectful or rude?
  • When can I make my own decision?
  • What will I hear as a result of that decision?

We are archeologists: digging for the treasure in our teens and then polishing it up to help it shine

  • The polishing takes time
  • The polishing takes patience

How do you handle this phase?

  • Keep the end in mind
    • Remember that you are parenting toward the time when they are out of the home and on their own
    • Remember your are not your teens’ best friend.
  • There is a balance of rules they still need and trust them to manage themselves. To keep the balance, we have to master the art of the pivot.
    • Allow them to make some mistakes (blowing an exam because they did not prepare well), then learn from those mistakes.
    • You still have to manage safety.
    • You still have to oversee some self-care.
    • Help them know they are always under some kind of authority, whether it is your or society’s.
  • Remember your calling: Your teens have a calling that you help prepare them for
  • Remember the danger of unbending rules.
    • Establishing relationships means establishing rules that matter,
    • Then begin adjusting or easing off when teens have shown they can manage themselves.
    • Responsible teens have more freedom and thus, more self-government.

These ideas are captured in Connie’s book Parenting Beyond Rules: Raising Teens with Confidence and Joy.

Connie’s purpose in writing her book is to encourage parents to truly enjoy the years with your teens. (They are the best years yet!) It discusses:

  • Casting a vision for your family
  • Understand your teen’s world
  • Understand your teen’s personality
  • Listening to your teen’s words, spoken and silent
  • Monitoring your own mouth
  • Take healthy steps when their is pain or conflict
  • You can be emphasizing relationships during the teen years.

Connie encourages us: Adolescence can be some of the best years, but when the times are painful:

  • You can step back
  • You can listen and be painters of possibilities in our teens’ lives
  • You can remember that they are a masterpiece of God’s making
  • You can be assured that God uses imperfect parents to shape and help teach and train their teens in the way they should go

Connect with Connie at:

Strengthening Families with Connie Albers on FB

And check out this interview with Connie on Focus on the Family.

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Emphasizing Relationships with Your Teens, Interview with Connie Albers

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Teaching “Adulting” – MBFLP 234

October 4, 2019 by Leave a Comment

 

Studies show that young adults are often not prepared for adult independence. Psychologists say the current generation is growing up slowly, and some even say “Twenty-five is the new fifteen”!* But if our parents and grandparents were functioning adults at 18 or 20, why can’t our kids be the same? This episode we’re talking about how to teach adult skills intentionally to our teenagers – and what to do if they graduated before you were done teaching!

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Filed Under: Making Biblical Family Life Practical, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,

The Parent-Child Relationship – MBFLP 233

September 23, 2019 by Leave a Comment

Relationship with your kids is more that just feelings

The overwhelming business of raising a child can cause us to miss the importance of our relationship with them. There’s so much to think about, so much to do, so much to pray over and work on – how can we put the proper emphasis on the “soft skills”? And yet, at the end of the day (which is when they graduate and move out), the sort of relationship we have with that child will be the thing which draws them back home – or not. This episode, we take a quick look at the way our parent-child interaction needs to change with the growing maturity of our child.

The Two Biggest Tasks of Parenting

Have you ever asked yourself, what is the absolute core of effective parenting? What would “success” look like? What is so important that, if we miss that one thing, we’ll look back with deep regret?

We actually think there are two absolutely critical things that we must pursue as parents. You can just assume the basic life needs – food, health, safety – of course. Those don’t even have to be on the agenda; if you don’t take care of those, you may not be a parent for long.

But the thing we find at the top of the list is discipleship. The Bible tells us over and over that we are to teach the word of God to our children throughout the day and in every circumstance (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).

And inseparably connected to it is a second thing – the relationship we build with those children. In fact, we’d say you will have a very hard time teaching the first thing, if the second is weak or missing. Dr. Jeff Myers of Summit Ministries said that in the process of discipling tens of thousands of young adults, the ministry has found that truth will only be accepted in the context of relationship – a relationship of love, trust, and respect.

Relationship is More Than Just Feelings

The “warm fuzzy” aspect is important, of course, but there is a practical side to our parent-child relationship, too. That changes as the child grows and matures, and our interaction with him needs to change, too. At the start, the most important thing is teaching trust – Mama and Daddy will take care of you – and the Bible uses that as an illustration of God’s faithfulness to us:

“As one whom him mother comforts, so I will comfort you; and you shall be comforted in Jerusalem.”

(God, in Isaiah 66:13)

(read more …)

Your parent-child relationship is a delicate balance!

The time for positive discipline comes after that. And again, the Bible makes it clear that discipline is a sign of our love (Hebrews 12:5-11):

… for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening … then you are illegitimate and not sons. (vv. 7-8)

But as they grown into the teen years, the way we interact with them, the way we discipline, and the responsibility we give or withhold, has got to reflect their new status as young adults. If we fail there, we may send them into the world with memories of resentment toward us. That’s not a good launch.

And through it all, we have got to communicate our affection to them in a way they understand and receive. They have to know not just that we love them, but that we actually like them. And that may take some work. 

Listen in for practical help on balancing these necessary roles – and for ideas how you can build a bridge to your child’s heart, even when you think you’ve lost your first chance already. We’ve crossed that bridge ourselves! With God’s help, so can you.

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Filed Under: Making Biblical Family Life Practical Tagged With: , , , , ,
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