Finding a Mate – MBFLP 232

Finding a Mate

Does the Bible give us guidance on finding a mate? Of course – but it’s not as detailed as some of the more recent advice we’ve all heard. This episode we’re talking about some unmistakable – and non-negotiable – things the Scriptures tell us about guys and girls in relationship … but keeping in mind some things the Bible doesn’t say, too!

What’s non-negotiable?

Here are a few principles we think are clear:

Respect for parents – The Fifth Commandment is to “Honor your father and your mother,” and it’s repeated in both Testaments (Exodus 20:12 and Matthew 15:4, for example). Parents have experience and wisdom, and a young lover is well-advised to seek that wisdom out! Besides, they are probably a little more objective about the object of their child’s affection and may be able to raise an issue that’s being overlooked. (We do make a distinction, though, between the commandment to honor parents – aimed at all of us, at any age – versus commandments to obey parents, which are aimed specifically at children. Note the apostle Paul uses both words in Ephesians 6:1-3 but only to children in Colossians 3:20)

(more following …)

Some thoughts and advice about finding a mate ...

Sexual holinessFor this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; … For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. (1 Thessalonians 4:3, 7) The New Testament is full of warnings against sexual immorality, and specifically against fornication in many places. The ancient world thought it wasn’t a big deal and much of our own world thinks the same – but the Bible says they’re wrong.

Friendship with honor
– When the apostle Paul counseled the young pastor Timothy, he told him to threat younger women in the church “as sisters, with all purity.” (1 Timothy 6:2) There is space for friendship between unmarried singles, with that proviso – to be careful of virtue and reputation, just like you would toward a beloved sibling.

For believers – Don’t date unbelievers. Marriage was created by God for all of humanity, and it is open for all, but the Bible warns against becoming too intimate with someone who doesn’t share your faith (2 Corinthians 6:14-18). This passage is not talking about when one spouse becomes a Christian after the marriage – look at 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 for that situation. But we shouldn’t start out with that sort of uneven spiritual relationship.

As for the rest of the advice …

So much of the other advice we hear has to be balanced against clear Scripture, culture, circumstance, and practical application. Much family life teaching comes from Old Testament examples and illustrations – wisdom that isn’t expressed as commandment. Regulations about marrying a captive of war, official recommendations for elopement, and examples of marrying two sisters – at the same time – are there in the narrative. They have to be understood in context!

So in all seriousness, we do encourage our young people to find friendships with the opposite sex, in all purity, and consider the question of deeper relationships and marriage with both godly caution and godly cheerfulness!


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Breaking Up – Like a Believer – MBFLP 183

Sometimes even the best-intentioned relationships come to an end. It’s going to be awkward, and it’s probably going hurt. Does the Bible give us any direction on how to do this? You bet – let’s talk about it and let’s prepare our kids to act like believers even in a situation they never dreamed they’d be in.

HIRL Episode 155: Did Joshua Harris Kiss Dating Goodbye?

Free homeschool podcast and interview with Joshua HarrisIn 1997, 21-year-old Joshua Harris wrote a revolutionary book on dating. The book would go on to be an international bestseller and catapult Joshua into the Christian spotlight. I Kissed Dating Goodbye was embraced by the homeschool community and the Christian church at large, and continues to shape the consciousness of how Christians view singleness, dating, and relationships.

Lately, though, Joshua Harris has weathered a battering of online criticism from disenchanted Christians. Some have lashed out at Harris directly for I Kissed Dating Goodbye and others have set up websites dedicated to Harris’ “victims”. Many have called for Joshua Harris to apologize for what they believe was hurtful teaching, while others are applauding him for his stance and encouraging him to stand his ground. Harris has felt pressure from all sides to do or say something.

Are you ready to hear from Joshua himself? We’re discussing the book, the movement, and the new documentary being made where Joshua discusses the errors of I Kissed Dating Goodbye as well as where he thinks he got it right in this compelling and lively interview with Joshua Harris.


SHOW NOTES:

Josh Harris Website

I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye Website

Kickstarter Campaign: I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye

Sandy Cove Ministries

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Laying a Foundation for Marriage – MBFLP 169

 

We probably all share the hope that our children will marry, and marry well, and serve God in their family one day. But are we being intentional about preparing our sons to become godly husbands?  It’s important to live a good example in front of them, but we need to train them to deal with the issues that affect them as young men, and we need to encourage them to see marriage as a likely part of their mission in God’s kingdom! This episode includes part of a presentation Hal gave to a men’s conference earlier this year, about laying a foundation for your son’s future marriage – because “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord!” (Proverbs 18:22)

 

 

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Healthy Guy-Girl Relationships – MBFLP 159

 

We’ve heard the full range of opinions when it comes to young people and relationships – from the barber who asks the 7-year-old if he has a girlfriend yet, to the twenty-something girl who says, “Daddy is going to find me a husband.” Surely the Bible has something to say about this … and it does, but not as cut-and-dried as we might have thought! This episode we look into the question of friendship between guys and girls – is it possible? Is it advisable? Or is it commendable?

On The Other Hand … Purity Rings – MBFLP 131

RRM Purity Rings V

So often a well-intentioned effort can have unexpected – and maybe, undesireable – results. When a marriageble young man sees a likely-looking young woman, but notices a simple ring on her left hand, what does he think? What does the young woman think he’s going to think? And does that match what’s actually going on? We’ve had several very significant conversations with young ladies wearing purity rings, and we’re discovering that something unintended may indeed be happening! Join us as we look at the question of purity rings — and why they need to move to the other hand!

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Teen Romance 2 – Reality Check! – MBFLP 118

MBFLP 118 - Teen Romance - Support - V

The Beatles claimed that “All you need is love!” but any married couple will tell you love or not, there are bills to pay. The Biblical pattern would say that a man considering marriage has to be considering how he’ll provide for it financially – and if you have a teen in love, he needs to come back to earth and answer that question for himself … soon!

ORIGINAL RELEASE FEBRUARY 16

MBFLP 117 – Teen Romance: This Could Get Serious

MBFLP - Teen Romance

 

What do you when you find your teenager (or even your pre-teen) has romantic feelings for another young person? How to you address this Biblically? In spite of what some teachers say, the answer is not cut-and-dried, and a lot of parents (and their kids) struggle with it. This episode, we dive in to try and find what the Bible does say and what it doesn’t … but more urgently, what do we do about it?

PROGRAM HIGHLIGHTS

01:05 – Romance is an issue sooner than you may think
03:20 – Parenting needs to change as our teens transition toward adulthood
04:18 – The critical thing to remember about older teens
05:04 – Take them seriously!
08:17 – Rules don’t control the heart
09:26 – What the Bible says about romance
11:24 – What the Bible IS clear about
12:10 – Don’t underestimate friendship
15:22 – How this conversation might begin
17:32 – Keeping realistic and balanced expectations
22:18 – Building a relationship of trust and respect early
23:56 – God’s plan for your child may surprise you – and your child, too

Courtship In Crisis – HIRL Episode 69

Free homeschooling podcast discussing courtship and dating.On this episode, we welcome back a favorite guest on this podcast. Thomas Umstaatd, Jr. joined us on Episode 26 when we discussed his viral blog post: Is Courtship Fundamentally Flawed?  On this episode, we return to the topic and discuss again if courtship is better than dating? Are families who practice courtship instead of dating out of touch, or have they found a method of creating solid marriages?

We discuss with our guest how the current courtship movement began during the early decades of homeschooling. Parents were compelled to try something other than the cultural dating norms, but this model has fallen short of its intended purpose. Whether you are in favor of courtship, dating, or a combination of the two, we think you’ll enjoy this episode and conversation and hope it spurs on good things in your own home.


EPISODE TIMELINE
3:06 – Introduction
11:18 – Part One – Courtship in Crisis
30:23 – Part Two – Courtship in Crisis


SHOW NOTES:

PREVIOUS PODCASTS:
Is Courtship Fundamentally Flawed – Episode 26

BOOKS REFERENCED:
Courtship in Crisis – Thomas Ustattd, Jr.


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HomeschoolingIRL 069 – Courtship in Crisis

Join Fletch and Kendra as they interview Thomas Umstattd, Jr. about his new book.