How Sexual Predators Groom Their Victims & What to Do About It

Finish Well Radio Show, Podcast #095, How Sexual Predators Groom Their Victims & What to Do About It with Meredith Curtis on the Ultimate Homeschool Podcast NetworkHow Sexual Predators Groom Their Victims & What to Do About It

In “How Sexual Predators Groom Their Victims & What to Do About It,” episode #095, Meredith Curtis talks about the cunning and manipulative process pedophiles use to target their unsuspecting victims and their parents. Grooming breaks down the natural barriers that protect children and teens from becoming victims. She explains how to recognize toxic behavior and protect your children and teens from this evil.

 

 

 


Show Notes

When you are uncomfortable with a relationship.

Some statistics say that 1 out of 4 girls and 1 out of 5 boys are sexually abused before they turn 18. Most of these abusers are family members or close family friends. Some are church members.

Examples.

These men and women all groomed their future victims before touching them. Grooming takes time and involves a step-by-step breaking down of natural barriers.

Predators target a victim and gain that victim’s trust by filling a void in the child/teen’s life, creating a special bond, and isolating them. They often desensitize them little by little before abusing and after maintain control with blame and shame.

Pedophiles are usually friendly, good with children, good-natured, and likeable. They are hard to spot.

And here’s something that makes it even harder. Sexual predators often befriend parents and caregivers.

A Predator’s Goal is to Gradually Increase Access to the Child/Teen so They Can Engage in Sexual Activity with Them. This is a Premeditated Crime!

Process (Not Necessarily in Precise Order)

  • Pay Special Attention to a Child or Teen to make them feel like honored
  • Provide a Listening Ear to lonely teens/children or teens/children who are not getting along with parents
  • Compliment, Exhibit Interest in, Learn Child’s/Teen’s Habits & Likes & Dislikes, Pretend to Share Common Interests
  • Isolate
  • Involve Child in an Activity that Requires them to be Alone Together
  • The First Physical Contact Between a Predator and his Victim is almost always Non-Sexual
  • Cross Boundaries
  • Introducing Sexual Content
  • “Acceptable Touches” linger and eventually Involve Private Areas or Seeing One Another Naked.
  • Will Treat Child as a Co-Conspirator—This Behavior is Why Victims Blame Themselves

And remember, sexual abuse is a crime and should be reported. Sexual abusers always move on to the next victim.

Online Grooming

Online grooming occurs on websites, computer games, social media sites, and other places online. A predator appears kind and helpful. He/she initiates and cultivates a friendship with the child/teen that eventually results in taking/sending sexual photos, sexting, meeting in real life to engage in sexual activities, or trafficking.

Online grooming follows the same pattern of filling a void, making them feel special, and isolation. Boundary testing is an additional aspect of grooming online. They will actually gauge the level of threat from the parents by finding out how devices are monitored.

If your child is secretive about online activities, check it out! Fast!

Don’t allow computers, phones, etc. behind closed doors.

The apps favored by online predators have the following things in common:

  • The ability to send and receive messages
  • The ability to track the location
  • The ability to exchange photos and videos
  • The ability to stream live video
  • The ability to hide content

Apps Predators use to get to teens and kids: Yubo, Sarahah, Kik, Skout, Whisper, Grindr, Tinder, Musical.ly, Hot or Note, Wishbone

Potentially Dangerous Chat Site Websites: Omegle.com, Chatroulette.com, Chat-Avenue.com, ChatStep.com, Chatrandom.com, Camzap.com, Tinychat.com, Tohla.com

Predators connect with Kids Playing Online Games through their Chat Feature: Fortnite, Minecraft, Discord

What Teens Can Do

  • Pray for the Lord to Protect You & Give You Wisdom
  • Don’t hang out with people your parents don’t approve of and don’t build private relationships. Friendships should be inclusive, not exclusive.
  • Don’t spend time with someone who “gives you the creeps”
  • Don’t keep secrets from your parents; tell them everything
  • Don’t let someone show physical affection to you that makes you uncomfortable
  • Tell your parents and siblings about all the sites you visit online, games you play online, friends you make, people you chat with.
  • If you are involved in an inappropriate relationship, go immediately to your parents or pastor. Never ever ever be alone with that person again.
  • Grooming is not your fault. The groomer is sick, deranged, and choosing to be evil. Get away!
  • If someone has exposed themselves to you, shown your pornography, touched you, made you touch them, or raped you, they have sinned against you and it is also a crime. Call the police. Report them to the police.

Protection to Keep Kids Safe Online: Bark https://www.bark.us/

Protection from Porn: Covenant Eyes https://www.covenanteyes.com/

What Parents Can Do

  • Pray for Your Children Every Day!
  • Be Aware! Be Vigilant!
  • Pay Attention to Every Attachment & Friendship Your Child Develops.
  • Build a Strong Trust Relationship with Your Kids so They Can Tell You Anything
  • Teach Your Children What is Appropriate and Inappropriate Affection
  • Allow Children to Hug, Kiss, and Show Affection Voluntarily and Not if they Don’t Want To
  • Have Open & Honest Talks about Sex, Anatomy, and Privacy
  • Set up Rules/Boundaries
  • If someone gives you the creeps, don’t let your children be around them
  • Church Policy on Nursery/Sunday School/Teen Nights
  • Visit Ballet Class, Sports Practice, Hangouts, Friends’ Homes Where Your Teens/Children are Playing Teen Group, Co-op Classes, and Anywhere Your Children Spend Time Unannounced
  • Have Access to All Preteen/Teens’ Social Media Accounts including Friends, Private Messaging, etc.) Read Comments on Your Teens’ Posts
  • Don’t Allow Teens to Build Friendships Online that You are Not Part of
  • Grooming is not your child or teen’s fault. The groomer is sick, deranged, and choosing to be evil. Get your child/teen to safety!

If someone has exposed themselves to your child, shown your child pornography, touched your child, made your child touch them, or raped your child, they have sinned against your child and it is also a crime. Call the police. Report them to the police. Stop someone else from being his/her next victim.

Protection to Keep Kids Safe Online: Bark https://www.bark.us/

Protection from Porn: Covenant Eyes https://www.covenanteyes.com/

 


Special Thanks to Our Network Sponsor -Overcomer Movie

Life changes overnight for coach John Harrison when his high school basketball team’s state championship dreams are crushed under the weight of unexpected news. When the largest manufacturing plant in town suddenly shuts down and hundreds of families begin moving away, John must come to grips with the challenges facing his family and his team. Urged by the school’s principal to fill-in and coach a sport he doesn’t know or like, John is frustrated and questioning his worth… until he crosses paths with a student struggling with her own journey.
Filled with a powerful mix of faith, a twist of humor, and a ton of heart, the Kendrick Brothers return to theaters with OVERCOMER, their newest feature following FACING THE GIANTS, FIREPROOF, COURAGEOUS, and the #1 box-office hit, WAR ROOM. The inspiring family film stars Alex Kendrick, Priscilla Shirer, Shari Rigby, Cameron Arnett, and introduces Aryn Wright-Thompson.

Opening nationwide on August 23, OVERCOMER dares to leave you filled with hope, inspired to dream, and asks the question: what do you allow to define you?

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Best of HIRL: I Love Homeschooling, But I’ll Tell You Its Flaws

I Love Homeschooling But I'll Tell You It's Flaws - Homeschooling IRL

On this episode of Homeschooling In Real Life, Fletch and Kendra discuss what it’s like when your homeschool student abandons your family’s faith and lifestyle.

How can this happen in a Christian home where you have created a sheltered homeschool environment? Christian homeschooling is designed to protect our kids. Shouldn’t our children turn out perfect?

To answer that question, we interview a young man who has done that very thing, but here is the best part: after being raised in a rigid environment which he ultimately rejected, he is still a huge proponent of  home education and thinks his mom is one of the best teachers around!

Homeschooling parents, this is an episode you won’t want to miss! We may challenge you to rethink about how you listen to your kids, how to look for and complement their strengths, but mostly we will remind all of us how important it is to just point them to Jesus.


We’d like to thank our Ultimate Homeschool Radio Network sponsor, Like Arrows!

FamilyLife’s first feature film LIKE ARROWS, explores the joys and heartaches of parenting with a story that spans over 50 years. Join us in theaters across America for a special 2 night showing of LIKE ARROWS followed by exclusive after-show content with the film-makers, including celebrated faith-based film-makers Alex and Stephen Kendrick as well as FamilyLife Today’s Dennis and Barbara Rainey and Bob Lepine. You’ll leave encouraged and equipped with powerful next steps to make Christ the center of YOUR parenting.

LIKE ARROWS will be in theaters for two nights only, MAY 1ST and 3RD. To view the trailer and find theater info, visit the link below. If you missed the movie in theatres be sure to check out the Digital, DVD and Blueray versions on the website, LikeArrowsMovie.com

Visit here to learn more.


 

Best of HIRL: Knights in Training

Free homeschool podcast about Heather Haupt's book, Knights in TrainingRaising boys can be tricky business, no? And if we have a heart to see our boys really change the world with solid character, big ideas, and compassionate hearts, we can feel defeated when we see them being goofy and a little out of control as kids.

That’s exactly why we wanted to have a solid conversation with friend and author Heather Haupt, who has written a book about teaching our boys what it means to take the high road and be “knights” who fight for honor and protect the weak in our world.

Heather has hands-on tools and plenty of encouragement to share. We love this episode!


SHOW NOTES:

Heather Haupt.com
Knights in Training
Sandy Cove Family Camp – Homeschool Week

Recommended Resources:

None

Get Social With Us:

Follow Fletch/Kendra:
Fletch Twitter
Kendra Twitter

Follow the Studio Dogs:
Betty the Surf Dog – Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Website
Rasta The Chocolate Lab – Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Website

Previous Episodes Mentioned:
Parenting Principles over Formulas with Heather Haupt – Episode 142

Music clips used on this episode:
None used


Special Thanks to our Network Sponsor!

 

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Why Travel

Why travel graphicWhy Travel

Podcast #43

In this episode, Suzanne will talk about some of the reasons travel is important. Both for you and your children. Traveling is a great addition to your homeschool program.

Please join us as we travel along this journey on our podcast adventure. Let’s get connected! Learn more about the Florida Parent Educator’s Association and homeschooling in the beautiful state of Florida.
Please visit www.fpea.com to learn more about who we are!

Why Do You Have SO Many Children? – MBFLP 193

Only one out of five American families has more than two kids. If you’re in that 20%, you’ve probably been asked why – or if you’re in the 80%, you might have posed the question yourself! We have eight kids, and we’ve been asked – this episode, we talk about why a couple of average Baptists decided having a big family wasn’t a bad idea after all!

 


Learning with Little Ones Around

Learning with Little Ones Around, Podcast #051, with Meredith CurtisLearning with Little Ones Around with Meredith Curtis, Podcast #051, speaks to teens who are wondering how on earth to get any schoolwork done with their noisy brothers and sisters around. Meredith goes on to speak to teens (and their parents) about how to establish quiet school hours (with parents’ help), how to learn more by imparting knowledge and wisdom to younger siblings, and how to learn with younger children in family and co-op settings. You will see younger brothers and sisters in a whole new way.

 

 

 

 

Today’s sponsor is Powerline Productions. Powerline Productions wants to equip you to be a world changer and raise world changers. They offer curriculum, unit studies, high school courses, Bible studies, cookbooks, and How-to-Homeschool books. Find them at PowerlineProd.com.

High School Curriculum by Powerline Productions God's Girls Books by Powerline Productions, Inc. Real Men Books by Powerline Productions, Inc.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Show Notes

So often, I talk to teens who are struggling to get their schoolwork done in a bustling home filled with younger siblings. My own older children struggled with this issue.

Examples of specific problems and solutions to helper teens in big families get their schoolwork done in a stress-free situation.

Perspective

How do you we view our younger siblings? As a gift? Or as a burden?

Getting God’s perspective on why you have younger brothers and sisters. God places us in families to bless us, prepare us, and fill our lives with joy.

How to change your heart toward your siblings.

How to be a Hero

God calls you to be a hero to your younger siblings.

Example of virtue, love, and courage

Extending grace, mercy, and help

Teach Younger Children

One of the best ways we can learn material is to teach it to someone else. You have a captive audience at home.

What to teach.

How to teach.

Examples in our Life Skills courses.

Learn with Younger Children in Co-op

We always have one or two classes in our homeschool co-op that are age-integrated (babies to seniors in high school).

Why we do it.

Where did age segregation come from? Why is it harmful?

How to learn with little ones in a group setting.

Serving younger children & allowing younger children to serve you.

How teens can impact younger children and change the world

God bless you.

Kids and Phones – Smart or Not? – MBFLP 172

It’s been ten years since Apple introduced the iPhone – and the whole world has changed because of it. Like many new devices and technologies, what started as an amusement became a near-necessity. But should our kids have access? Do young people need a phone of their own? Or is it a popular trap that causes more trouble than any possible benefit? This episode we talk about why some of our kids have phones and others don’t, and some common sense ways you can navigate that winding road in your own family.


 

This episode brought to you in part by Great Waters Press, publishers of

Love, Honor, and Virtue

LOVE, HONOR, AND VIRTUE: Gaining or Re-Gaining a Biblical Attitude Toward Sexuality

CLICK HERE to find out more!

Knights in Training – HIRL Episode 151

Free homeschool podcast about Heather Haupt's book, Knights in TrainingRaising boys can be tricky business, no? And if we have a heart to see our boys really change the world with solid character, big ideas, and compassionate hearts, we can feel defeated when we see them being goofy and a little out of control as kids.

That’s exactly why we wanted to have a solid conversation with friend and author Heather Haupt, who has written a book about teaching our boys what it means to take the high road and be “knights” who fight for honor and protect the weak in our world.

Heather has hands-on tools and plenty of encouragement to share. We love this episode!


SHOW NOTES:

Heather Haupt.com
Knights in Training
Sandy Cove Family Camp – Homeschool Week

Recommended Resources:

None

Get Social With Us:

Follow Fletch/Kendra:
Fletch Twitter
Kendra Twitter

Follow the Studio Dogs:
Betty the Surf Dog – Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Website
Rasta The Chocolate Lab – Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Website

Previous Episodes Mentioned:
Parenting Principles over Formulas with Heather Haupt – Episode 142

Music clips used on this episode:
None used


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Join Fletch (from theMangoTimes) and Kendra (from KendraFletcher.com) for the HomeschoolingIRL podcast every week as they interview guests and talk through some of the goofiness they have experienced in nearly two decades.


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Are you ready to listen to Fletch and Kendra get real about homeschooling? Press the PLAY button below.

Balancing “Perfect” and Family – MBFLP 153

 

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Don’t blame Pinterest – there has always been a temptation to seek the perfect house, the perfect project, the perfect celebration … and frustration that our very imperfect spouse and children gum up the works. Before there was social media, there were glossy magazines, and before that, critical in-laws and neighbors to keep up with.  While it’s nice to have nice things and impressive events, we shouldn’t ignore that the skills we teach and the memories we make with our family will be a large part of the legacy that remains when children leave home and grandparents pass away! This episode we talk about balancing the desire for perfection with the reality of our family!

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Helping Your Children Handle Loss

 

Screen Shot 2016-04-25 at 6.08.49 PMNo matter what stage you’re family is in, loss is inevitable and providing your children with the tools to communicate their grief is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. In this episode, Mary Beth and Kimberly are joined by Patrice Karst, author of the best-selling book, “The Invisible String” to learn how to comfort our children during times of loss or separation from loved ones. Whether your upcoming plans include pulling away from family or your journey takes you away from friends, everyone young and old can benefit from learning about the Invisible String that connects us all. Click play to hear more.

PRIZE OPPORTUNITY!!!!!

Win an Autographed Copy of The Invisible String or The Smile That Went Around the World from last night’s guest, Patrice Karst. To enter, email kimberly@fulltimefamilies.com by midnight Saturday April 30th, 2016, with one nugget of information or advice you took away from the show. Two winners will be drawn randomly, live on next Sunday night’s show (May 1st, 2016 9pm est).

Click play for your chance to win!

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